My boyfriend and my weight

[Chloe102]

I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, me (22F and him 23M) I love him so so much and we do have a good laugh together and we are happy. However sometimes he makes comments about my weight, for example I just had my dinner and went to the cupboard to get the cats food and he heard the rustle and made a comment saying ‘eating more food are you?’ Most of the times he’s had a bit of a drink and makes these sort of comments but it really upsets me. After about 5/10 minutes he comes and apologises after seeing I’m upset (even though I try to hide it) and he says it was only a joke or sarcasm but I don’t feel like it is sarcasm or a joke, in my head it makes me think well is that what he really thinks about me then? In the morning he will of probably forgotten what he’s said but I can’t forgot, I constantly think about it.

I don’t take my clothes of in front of him anymore and we rarely have sex because I don’t feel comfortable. I sometimes see him look at my belly and think to myself, what is he thinking? I know I’m over weight and I’m trying to loose the weight. It’s upsetting me that we don’t have sex as often as we used to either, he is always trying snd I always turn him down because I feel rubbish about myself, I don’t feel sexy at all. At the start of our relationship we had such a good sex life etc so now I worry.

I really don’t know what to do, I can’t keep crying myself to sleep over these comments but I love him and I don’t want to loose him. I really don’t think he means anything bad by it but it really hurts.

"I don’t take my clothes of in front of him anymore and we rarely have sex because I don’t feel comfortable."

I don't think there is any point saving this relationship!

If you weren't with him would you be happy as you are with your weight?
Take him out of the equation in your head and answer the question truthfully
He is young too and could be in his way trying to help you to lose weight if you really are overweight because he cares but going about it in the wrong way
OR
This may be a sign of controlling behaviour and will only get worse..
Only you can decide.

He obviously isnt okay with your weight if he jokingly comments on it all the time. He is a dick for this. But what matters is how you feel- you should only lose weight for yourself and not for a partner or anyone else.

Find a partner who has a better sense of humour and can make funny jokes.

This guy is a joke but not in a desirable way.

I don’t take my clothes of in front of him anymore and we rarely have sex because I don’t feel comfortable

Do you want this for your future?

Are you very overweight

He's a dick, move on and find someone who respects you

If he knows he's making you feel uncomfortable or upset and continues with the comments that's not on at all. My own partner and I often have banter ( about how much we eat and other things ) and take the piss out of each other, but there are certain things we both know really does upset the other, and we never joke about those certain things.

You may love him but he doesn't love you. He's saying things to delibrately hurt you. That's not love.

Have you put on a lot of weight since you met him? Has he put on any weight over the last year? Lots of people have.

I don’t agree that we may never comment on our partner’s weight...but it’s about how it’s delivered and what it relates to.

Life's too short, dicth the dodo and find a man who adores you.

At your age I was confident and enjoying regular sex. I appreciate everyone's different but you need someone to build you up not knock you down.

Do you repeatedly talk to him about how unhappy you are with your weight and that you're definitely absolutely sticking to the diet this time and you can't wait to be X size/weight again, that's it, you've seen the light and it's healthy food only from now on...

Because IF you're doing that and then scoffing, there might be some slight justification for his comments. They're still cruel and unfunny - but they might be coming from a place of frustration that you're constantly going through a binge-restrict cycle and he's sick of hearing about it. And he's not enough of an adult to talk to you honestly about it. If that's the case, then he MIGHT just possibly be worth educating that his approach is NOT what you do if you actually care about someone.

If you're not bending his ear on the regular then he's doing this because he's a cunt, and you deserve a lot better.

I'd sit him down and say that comments about your weight are absolutely unnecessary, painful and you won't stand for it anymore. Tell him you don't need him to make comments, you're quite aware of your situation and how you feel about it and he is categorically not helping. Tell him what you will do if it continues (including leaving if that's on cards).

If he's just clumsy and cares about you he will stop, if he doesn't you have your answer on what his priorities are and should look at finding someone kinder and more respectful.

Does he know this is affecting your sex life? What does he say to that?

Bin him.

You deserve someone who treats you with respect.

My ex used to fatshame me, but I found the perfect diet - I lost several stones of useless lard overnight.

You sound like my boyfriend's dream girl to be honest and he's absolutely gorgeous.

Lose 12 stone immediately and get rid of this utter fuckwit.

Next time he gets an erection, look at it like he does your belly and say, is that it then.

What a turd.