Pregnant and he's making excuses not to talk about it

[urusiyam]

I've namechanged for this but I need advice

I found out I was pregnant on Sunday (was unexpected) I've been trying to speak to partner but he keeps making excuses on Monday and Tuesday it was that he was tired from work. Yesterday he was off work as he doesn't work Wednesdays but he said he wanted to spend time with his younger brother as he was upset as his dog passed away. I spoke to him last night and he said I was being insensitive

He's at work again today and I know later he will say he's 'tired'. But I feel like he's avoiding the conversation

Any advice will be appreciated

Some 'partner'.... Do you want this baby? Your call.

He said YOU were being insensitive? hhhmmm. What do you feel about it OP? Do you think you want to have the baby? This guy doesn't sound very supportive

Any decent partner would be round to talk about this like a shot. Putting his brother's dead dog first is a joke. He doesn't want to be a dad?

Are you both in a secure position financially and accommodation wise. So hard to make a comment without knowing a little bit more. Have you discussed having children.

Sounds like he's worried about it, maybe he's not ready and he's trying to wrap his head around it and in the mean time he's avoiding the conversation because he doesn't want to upset you. Nonetheless, he still needs to talk to you about it!

So he knows you're pregnant already - you've at least told him that I presume?

In which case he is being useless.

If I've misunderstood and you've just said you need to talk about something serious and he doesn't know what, then my answer would be different.

Yes he knows. We've spoken about children. We both work and we live together but we are young (in our early 20s)

Sounds like he's shitting his pants and he's trying to get his head around it, albeit in a very clumsy and insensitive way. Tell him fine, you realise its a shock and you'll give him till the weekend, but on Sunday, you need to discuss it.

I've tried to speak to him today and he said he just wants to relax after work

@urusiyam

Yes he knows. We've spoken about children. We both work and we live together but we are young (in our early 20s)

He wants you to be the bad guy, so do it.

make him leave now, clearly he's not treating this as a committed relationship, save yourself and the baby the heartache and end it now.

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP 🌺

Agree with pp unfortunately he is unable to express, in a healthy way, that he’s really nervous!

Must have been a shock to both of you, but massive congratulations. It is early days.

It sees a that as women we take this baby into our hearts from the oft, maybe as we are the ones carrying it. I am pregnant with our 1st due July, my DP only got excited and could really talk about our baby after we found out the sex at my 20 wk scan. It got real then for him. I was so worried beforehand and found him to be distant.

He's 100% avoiding you, thats way more than simply being 'distant' 😳

To you this is unexpected. To him it's unwanted. The idea that he will come around is a dangerous one. He's young and goes not want the financial and emotional obligation before he's even begun his life. We have had almost a year in limbo and we will barely be back to normal before he becomes a dad. No. Sorry but you need to think about this long and hard snc think about wether being a single mum is for you.

What's the conversation you want to have about the pregnancy? Are you deciding whether to go ahead with it, or have you already decided?

He's freaking out. He doesn't want a baby. Do you?

I really do roll my eyes at kids playing adults - early 20s but referring to him as a "partner" - a partner wouldn't avoid you like this, over something so monumental.

Were you using protection? How did this unplanned pregnancy happen exactly?

The chances are you'll be having this baby alone so make your decisions about which way you want to go with that knowledge. He won't stick around, he can't even face first conversation about fatherhood!

Sorry but it seems he does not want this baby , nor you.

@gutful well most adults wouldn't be so judgemental.
Early 20's is an adult and plenty of people have dc at that age, not so long ago it was the norm.
Lots of 40 somethings on here with rubbish partners.

@Lochmorlich I hazard a guess most parents on here would be less than thrilled by "early 20s" pregnancy & consider this quite young.

Kids these days seem to stay younger for longer.

We have parents on here still claiming child support for people as old as OP!

Generations ago things were different. Yes that is correct. I don't see how that changes having this opinion.

What conversation do you actually want to have? You're pregnant and he knows you're pregnant.

Completely unnecessary and pointless to berate OP for being relatively young.

Have you got any support, @urusiyam ? Would a baby fit into your life plans right now?

If you live together why can’t you talk to each other?

What outcome do you want @urusiyam

He probably feels scared to death and doesn’t know what to do about this unwanted pregnancy. Weren’t you using birth control?

He doesn't want the baby. Do you? And yy, wants you to be the bad guy.

We've been together for nearly 5 years. I was on the pill. I'm not sure if family etc will be supportive as they don't know. I want to talk to him about our plans etc and if we want to keep it.