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Relationships

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Original poster

OH Wearing Womens Underwear

57 replies

joFRobins · 15/03/2021 18:28

I have been with my new partner for around 8 months, the other day I found around 10 bodysuits and shape ware in his underwear draws. When I asked him what they were he says he enjoys wearing them and actually wears them most of the time under his usual clothes.

Not sure what to make of this, he says its not sexual he just likes the feel of the fabric and it encasing his body. He even commented on liking how they shaped his bum and the slight padding in the them. These are note sexy bodysuites jus the sort you sling on under your normal clothes of a dress.

Is this normal, what should I do? It just seems really really strange. And obviously he has been trying to avoid the situation as when we are together he wears male underwear, well when I have been close enough to find out anyway

OP posts:

crosshatching · 15/03/2021 18:39

Some people find clothing that feels a bit compressing quite comforting. It can help reduce anxiety, like the clothing version of a weighted blanket. Could it be something like that?

EdinaMonsoon · 15/03/2021 18:39

It's clearly normal for him. But how you feel about it is another matter. TBH, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Can't quite articulate why exactly & if you feel the same then you don't need to justify it over & above your not being comfortable.

One thing that strikes me is his comment that he likes the way they "shaped his bum and the slight padding". From this comment I would begin to think that he would prefer to have a more feminine shape. I've never known a man to care about what shape his underwear gave to his bum! And (unfortunately) I have had experience of at least one incredibly vain man!

What was his attitude when you asked him about the bodysuits? Was he hesitant to tell you? Was he defensive? It does seem odd that he says he's comfortable with it and yet has only worn male underwear when with you.

Original poster

joFRobins · 15/03/2021 18:44

Yes, I am uncomfortable with it especially as he likes the shaping element. It probably would not bother me so much if it was male bodysuits which you can get (or google tells me this).

He obviously feels uncomfortable with it as he was hiding it, although I would have probably walked if I was sleeping with him for the first time. He was calm when we talked about it but he wont wear it when I am around, I did ask.

Really not sure, if it was a kink surly he would want to wear sexy stuff not bog standard wear.

OP posts:

Ardvark111 · 15/03/2021 18:55

Hi from a man's point of view it's questionable by your description of what you saw you should look online to see similar and if its unisex underwear,? 90+ % of men wear boxer shorts or worse Y fronts 😂 Failing that he maybe getting in touch with his * feminine side,!!

Kelly345 · 15/03/2021 18:56

@joFRobins

Yes, I am uncomfortable with it especially as he likes the shaping element. It probably would not bother me so much if it was male bodysuits which you can get (or google tells me this).

Really not sure, if it was a kink surly he would want to wear sexy stuff not bog standard wear.

He's not uncomfortable about it, that's not why he's hiding it. He's hiding it because he's uncomfortable about the reaction and abuse he might experience if people find out. Two very different things.

You have a decision to make now that you know. This isn't going to stop just because you don't like it so you need to decide if you can be in a relationship with someone who wears female underwear.

PomegranateQueen · 15/03/2021 19:01

It's down to you and what you feel comfortable with OP, I don't think you can tell him to stop but if it's something that makes you uncomfortable then you are entitled to end a relationship for whatever reason. I'm afraid it would probably cause 'the ick' for me but it's not my relationship.

HermioneWeasley · 15/03/2021 19:05

Of course it’s sexual, don’t be ridiculous. Women’s underwear is not more comfortable for male genitals. Accept that it’s a fetish - that might work for you or it might not. This fetish also tends to escalate to full cross dressing, so bear that in mind when you consider whether he’s a long term prospect

Extremelyilluminated · 15/03/2021 19:07

Or they simply belong to a woman ?!

Extremelyilluminated · 15/03/2021 19:10

And I say that from experience. Many moons ago I met a guy who had several pairs of knickers because he ‘liked the feel’.
In fact he liked the the feel of them on his long term girlfriend . Who he lived with.

DingoWings · 15/03/2021 19:11

I would NOT find this alluring or stirring in any way. In fact, it would give me the "ick" and I wouldn't be able to fancy him anymore. Sorry.

TheBusiness · 15/03/2021 19:13

What shape does it give him?

Wiredforsound · 15/03/2021 19:18

Wouldn’t bother me that much actually. Clothes are just clothes. You can’t say it’s ok for women to wear so called gendered clothes but not men. Do I want them to be part of the boudoir action? Probably not. But that’s mainly because my DP is a hairy 6’ ex rugby chonk and he looks best naked.

grapewine · 15/03/2021 19:18

I am not sure what I would think. But it was in his underwear drawer. How is that hiding it? You have a decision to make.

EdinaMonsoon · 15/03/2021 19:24

OP it sounds like this is a deal breaker for you. You can't tell him to stop - it's up to him what he chooses to wear. Even if he agreed to stop for you, I doubt very much that he actually would. At some point, he will start again if that's his thing.

It's clear from the responses here that our reactions/boundaries are all different, with some posters saying "whatever" and others, like me, saying erm, no. So take from that that you are perfectly entitled to walk away from this relationship on the basis of the underwear issue alone - even if everything else is going well.

Cockenspiel · 15/03/2021 19:26

Personally, I find cross dressing males who do it for sexual gratification a real turn off.

highlightsonlyplease · 15/03/2021 20:13

@Cockenspiel

Personally, I find cross dressing males who do it for sexual gratification a real turn off.

This is how I feel too.

EarthSight · 15/03/2021 20:27

Not sure what to make of this, he says its not sexual he just likes the feel of the fabric and it encasing his body

Oh my fucking God that is a hilarious assertion 😂😂😂

It's a fetish OP. PVC and latex fans would also say they like the feel of it encasing their bodies. Some men like dirty socks....hardly sexy is it but they like it all the same.

There's a possibility that @crosshatching is right, but don't be surprised if there's more to it than just wearing shapewear.

justanotherneighinparadise · 15/03/2021 20:36

It will be sexual. It always is.

Original poster

joFRobins · 15/03/2021 20:39

Its such a hard one, I do love him so much, but not sure if I can live with this.

Its the fact he won't wear them in front of me, as this would be more open and honest in my book.

He is also ver slim so might be able pull it off

OP posts:

MarshmallowAra · 15/03/2021 20:46

Are they definitely not another woman's.

My ex bil told my sister that tags from a thong she'd found in his stuff was a thong for him .... He almost pulled that off until she found condoms (they didn't use), and later knickers behind a cushion in her home when she was away for a couple of days.

MarshmallowAra · 15/03/2021 20:47

Its the fact he won't wear them in front of me, as this would be more open and honest in my book.

You'd probably get the ick if he did.

Who wants to see their bloke in female shapewear.

Why doesn't he just go to the gym and work his glutes like most men who want a perkier arse

MarshmallowAra · 15/03/2021 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BehindMyEyes · 15/03/2021 20:49

@joFRobins

Its such a hard one, I do love him so much, but not sure if I can live with this.

Its the fact he won't wear them in front of me, as this would be more open and honest in my book.

He is also ver slim so might be able pull it off

What does that last sentence mean ?

Kelly345 · 15/03/2021 20:50

@joFRobins

Its such a hard one, I do love him so much, but not sure if I can live with this.

Its the fact he won't wear them in front of me, as this would be more open and honest in my book.

He is also ver slim so might be able pull it off

But you're always going to know he's doing it when he's not with you, and if this isn't something you can handle then it will eat away at you. This is exactly why men that do this keep it hidden, because it can be a deal breaker for some people.

MonochromeMinnie · 15/03/2021 20:52

Surely there's male shape wear. It's likely to be a fetish.

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