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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Poor hygiene is a deal breaker for me

59 replies

Ilovecreamycoffee · 15/03/2021 16:38

I met my partner a number of years ago. I can't remember how far we were into our relationship when he started going to bed without brushing his teeth. I wasn't happy about that. In the mornings, I don't think he spent appropriate time brushing his teeth.
He was in the bathroom and back out again within a minute or so. I never timed him but definitely he was far too quick for my kind of liking especially considering no night time brush beforehand. It wasn't a nice habit.
Other hygiene habits have taken a dive over the past year with him. He doesn't smell bad but there is an issue. Sometimes when we meet his clothes are filthy. His hair was greasy too many times when we met.

I can remember one time when we met up, I think he had a runny nose. I thought at the time - 'WTF, what if that was the start of a covid infection for him'. For example if I had a runny nose, I think I would isolate until tested. We were walking along and what I witnessed him doing next, repulsed me greatly. He took his hand and he brought it to his nose and he wiped his nose all along the back of his hand all along his arm. It repulsed me so much. Why didn't he just ask me for a tissue?

We met over the weekend and I noticed while he was talking, every time he talked and opened his mouth, there was a film of thick saliva moving with his opened mouth. That would tell me he's not brushing his teeth or his a has a dry mouth. I gave him a fresh bottle of water that he didn't use.

All of this is a huge deal breaker for. Not only all of this poor hygiene there's new issues beginning to arise now too. He's very negative and he likes to mock the the prime minister and his name as if that adds anything constructive to a political chat. Something new now too is that, he is bored and unhappy with the lockdown and the guidelines and he doesnt want to follow them any more. Not only that but he did his owe little protest at the weekend and ignored the social distancing guidelines and nearly stood right up against another person's back in a queue. I had to ask him to step back. We are polar opposites now of each other. I think it's so important to follow the guidelines to protect yourself and others too. He's is now going to place himself into more risky situations and more risk of contracting the virus without a care in the world for others and for spreading it onwards.

He has no patience driving on the road and he lacks respect for other road users too. This is a pet peeve for me. He's driving around as if he owns the roads.

The man was a good man before and to some degree he still has a lot of good about him but there is the poor hygiene issues, it's a deal breaker for me. Not only the hygiene issues but his poor attitude towards others like other road users and his poor attitude towards the covid public health guidelines.

I would like to finish this relationship. I was never a dumper before. It was always done to me. How do I go about doing this. I wasn't in the mood for seeing him yesterday and I just made excuses against seeing him. They weren't excuses either. I did spend the day doing some home exercising.

OP posts:
Mellonsprite · 15/03/2021 21:00

It sounds like you are uttered revolted by him and I don’t blame you from your description.
Just break it off quickly.

crimsonlake · 15/03/2021 21:13

I am confused? .....he has always had poor hygiene yet you started dating him despite this?

dramalessllama · 15/03/2021 21:28

There's no need for you to give him a reason, other than, "This isn't working for me anymore."

If you "have a conversation" and tell him your reasons why, it only gives him an opportunity to make promises that he will change.

Shut that down from the get go.

MrsRockAndRoll · 15/03/2021 21:48

@Mellonsprite

It sounds like you are uttered revolted by him and I don’t blame you from your description. Just break it off quickly.
This
Marmozet3 · 15/03/2021 21:51

What have I just read!? Envy

DianaT1969 · 15/03/2021 22:26

Haha OP. I needed a laugh. Hoping this is a wind up. On the off chance that it isn't...
Nobody could accuse you of being flaky.
You've stuck with this man who repulses you for about 3 years longer than you should have.
Best of luck in finding someone mildly cleaner.

ItsNotLoveActually · 16/03/2021 08:18

I think you just say, maybe over the phone - 'Sorry, this isn't working for me. I've had a lot of time to think during lockdown and I no longer think we're compatible and I can't see us ever living together'. Stay firm and just keep repeating if necessary.
Gook luck.

Ilovecreamycoffee · 16/03/2021 10:45

He wasn't always a dirt bag by the way. He was casual in his attitude for sure but clean but definitely things dropped over time with him. I actually find it insulting how he can't put on a clean t shirt when he goes to see me.

His attitude and demeanour has been poor over the past few weeks too like he believes there's no space on the roads for cyclists while he is driving on them (as if he owns the roads). His only idea of any sort of currant affairs discussion or chat is insulting members of the Parliament with the prime minister being the main target. I'm not a big fan of them either but how does insulting people add to anything meaningful. I don't like it.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 16/03/2021 12:57

So dump him then

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