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Original poster

Is he controlling? Am I unfair??

48 replies

Medusa78 · 15/03/2021 15:56

I've been with my bf almost 7 years. We don't live together despite him promising we would , every time it seemed like it should happen there would be reasons as to why he can't. So I live alone with my 2 kids 19 year old autistic son and 16 year old daughter neither are his children. I've always had a passion for dogs and recently felt so lonely as I only see him once a week that I thought more about getting a dog for protection and company. My sister offered to have the dog if we ever went away to which I thought would be great. He has breathing issues around dogs not all dogs though. Anyway I put it to him and he got very angry saying it would ruin our lives and stop us from doing things. He says I'm being very selfish and expecting to much .I feel very upset that I can't do this and have his blessing . Am I selfish ?

OP posts:
TheChip · 15/03/2021 15:59

Your house. Your rules. He doesn't live with you so he has no say on whether you choose to have a pet or not.

Youre not being selfish at all.

Justcallmebebes · 15/03/2021 15:59

I would go ahead and do what I wanted in my own house. It sounds like your relationship is totally on his terms. What do you get out of it?

lifehack · 15/03/2021 16:04

Well you can't keep putting your life on hold for him, I'd say you've been too patient with him. If you don't want the same things in life then your not compatible, he can't give you the commitment and he doesn't want a dog.
Time to do what you want to do in life, don't wait on permission for anything.

tashac89 · 15/03/2021 16:04

7 years and you still only see him once a week? I'd ditch the man and get the fluffiest, happiest and most loving dog I could find.

altlife · 15/03/2021 16:06

@tashac89

7 years and you still only see him once a week? I'd ditch the man and get the fluffiest, happiest and most loving dog I could find.
This!
fivelemons · 15/03/2021 16:09

@tashac89

7 years and you still only see him once a week? I'd ditch the man and get the fluffiest, happiest and most loving dog I could find.
I'd do this too, and I don't even like dogs!!!
Original poster
Medusa78 · 15/03/2021 16:09

His passions are motorbikes and camper vans. He has a bike and is now trying to buy a camper to take me and my 2 kids away in . He says it will ruin it having a dog. It seems like his passions are what's important never mine.

OP posts:
billybagpuss · 15/03/2021 16:11

Your only see him once a week, he’s avoided moving in with you, pick the dog.

blacksax · 15/03/2021 16:12

He has breathing issues around dogs

What sort of issues?

4Mongrels · 15/03/2021 16:13

I bet you the dog will make you happier than he does!

tashac89 · 15/03/2021 16:13

Well that's a load of rubbish. Husband has a bike, likes for us to go away for random weekends when we're allowed. I just get an eye roll when I rescue random animals. At one point I had foster kittens living with us - 10 of them, I clearly needed a word with myself - and despite his abject horror at so many small fluffy things trying to kill him when he attempted to make his morning coffee, he still didn't kick up a fuss.

ComtesseDeSpair · 15/03/2021 16:15

If I were you, I’d get a dog and break up with him. If I were him, I’d break up with you for getting a dog. Either scenario is a win win for you, surely. This isn’t the relationship you actually want to be having, so live your life as you want.

BlingLoving · 15/03/2021 16:15

If you lived together, his opinion would be equally valid. But you don't. And he doesn't want to. So of course get a dog if you want to.

I also won't hold you breath re the camper. That's just an excuse, I'd put money on it.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 15/03/2021 16:16

Dump him, get a dog.

It will vastly improve your life.

Shoxfordian · 15/03/2021 16:59

I mean at least the dog will live with you
Why are you wasting your life with him?

Fairyliz · 15/03/2021 17:01

Selfish twat of a man or lovely dog who is ecstatic to see you all of the time.

Not much of a contest is it.

NovemberR · 15/03/2021 17:03

Get a dog.

He doesn't live in your house, apparently by his own choice, so he doesn't get to have an opinion.

I'd be ending the relationship, personally. It doesn't appear to be much of one. And he is the selfish one, not you.

altmember · 15/03/2021 17:13

You should tell him you're getting a dog as a substitute for him not moving in! If you lived together he'd be entitled to more of a say in the matter.

honeylulu · 15/03/2021 18:33

Get a dog if you want one. He doesn't live with you and clearly has no intention of doing so, so his view is irrelevant.

If dump him. He orders you around, gets very angry and tells you that you're selfish for wanting to do your own thing, whilst doing exactly as he pleases. Do you and your teenage kids even want to go on a campervan holiday ? I would bloody hate it and so would my teen with ASD.

Crimeismymiddlename · 15/03/2021 19:49

If you lived together, yes it would be selfish. But you don’t so you can do what you like in your own home. He is being very strange about it though, I am very scared of dogs and an ex got one-it did not say a word as not my house.

Wanderlusto · 15/03/2021 19:55

I'm not a dog person but even I'd pick a dog. You do know theres never going to be anymore commitment from him than there is now right? Well, unless it comes with a side helping of resentment.

He likes his space and freedoms. Which would suit some but if you want marriage or living together, he is not the man for you. You shouldn't be lonely whilst in a relationship. Ditch the guy, get a doggy.

EarthSight · 15/03/2021 20:31

He doesn't live with you so unless he has moderate - severe allergies, he can put up with the dog. If he wanted more of a say in what you have in your house, he should have moved in with you years ago. For whatever reason he decided that wasn't for him (maybe he just didn't want to live with the kids), but at the same time, I don't think he should be putting a dampener on this for you. Having an autistic kid must have been challenging at times, so I think you deserve to treat yourself by getting a dog.

sunnyzweibrucken · 15/03/2021 22:54

I’d get any animal and let this dude loose. The dog will definitely make you happier than he does

Opentooffers · 16/03/2021 01:18

Lol, I did a similar thing, though probably after 2 years of him stopping over 1 or 2 days at the weekend. He didn't try to stop me getting a dog though. Best thing I ever did, love my dog to bits, pretty soon I realised I preferred to spend time with my dog than him, then I endedit.
My current BF likes dogs, and we spend lovely hours together walking him Grin

RantyAnty · 16/03/2021 01:26

Get a dog!!
There's obviously more to your story.
Why can you only see him once a week?

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