Is he controlling? Am I unfair??

[Medusa78]

I've been with my bf almost 7 years. We don't live together despite him promising we would , every time it seemed like it should happen there would be reasons as to why he can't. So I live alone with my 2 kids 19 year old autistic son and 16 year old daughter neither are his children. I've always had a passion for dogs and recently felt so lonely as I only see him once a week that I thought more about getting a dog for protection and company. My sister offered to have the dog if we ever went away to which I thought would be great. He has breathing issues around dogs not all dogs though. Anyway I put it to him and he got very angry saying it would ruin our lives and stop us from doing things. He says I'm being very selfish and expecting to much .I feel very upset that I can't do this and have his blessing . Am I selfish ?

Get a doggo!
I promise you your dog will show you more love, empathy and companionship that your partner is.

Dog definitely. You see your bf once a week. Which is once too often imo.

Why the fuck are you with someone you’ve only seen once a week for 7 years??? Bloody hell woman you deserve so much better than that!!!!

Stand up for yourself, put your foot down and stop letting yourself be treated as a doormat!

He certainly isn't putting your happiness first, is he?

Get a dog and lose the man. Infinitely better value

Seems like he wants his cake and to eat it. He has his nice, lovely gf to spend one day a week with, have sex (I presume)
, maybe a meal out every now and again, a bit of company too, and is then free to go about his life how he chooses. He also gets to have a say in your life so you don't go and do something stupid like having a dig, as HE doesn't like them.

OP he's about as likely to take you and either dc away in his camper van, as he is to move in with you. Stop putting your life in hold.

You'll have your dog around 356 days a year, he's around 52, that only 14% of the year. Get yourself a dog and dump the bf.

Some bloke who hasn't even lived with you after all these years wants to decide whether you get a pet?

Jog on, mate. Yes this is controlling & no you shouldn't put up with it.

A dog would be much better company & more loyal than he has shown himself to be.

He's had 7 years to buy a camper van and take you and the kids on holiday but I hasn't happened...Get a dog!

7 yrs and you don't live together and see each other once a week.

Are you sure your not just a FWB and he is married or seeing someone else.

Bin him, get a dog 🐕

Ditch the man and get the dog instead. The dog will be a far better companion to you than this so called bf of seven years.

How did you meet this man and did you meet him when you were at a low point in your life?. I think he is abusive and went onto target you deliberately. He has indeed used your own nice nature against you; even now you're asking whether you are selfish. If anyone is being selfish here its this man.

Honestly, after 7 years, I'd bin him.
It kind of smacks of him coming over for his weekly hole shag anyway. He's obviously only half arsed about this whole set up.

Ditch him, get a dog!

From the other side of this equation, my DP has been talking about us living together “a lot will change in the next 5 years” since we met 8 years ago!! To be fair, we both have our reservations, so we haven’t made it happen.

His DDs were trying to push for him to get them a dog, and it did bother me, as it meant that if we DID move in together at some point I’d have to live with a dog, which I hate, and I know that their dog would be poorly trained, as I he wouldn’t put in the time and discipline to train it well, so it would be one of those jumpy up, barks at everything, sleeps in the bed type of dogs!

(Plus I know he would never pick up the poop) and I’ll be honest here - even though he decided to get kittens instead - it stings a bit that he’s able to make a 15-20 year commitment to live with an animal when he hasn’t made one to me. It didn’t help that their mum was helping them in the search for these kittens so it felt a bit like they were getting them ‘as a family’ too.

It may be irrational and of course it’s your house, your choice, but if he’s actually being honest about wanting a future with you, this dog becomes part of that so he should at least be somewhat involved in the conversation rather than you just telling him it’s happening, as this dog could become part of his household too. FWIW when I was doing online dating, I would rule out anyone who had a dog in their profile as I just didn’t want to end up with my life revolving around a smelly dog.

So hold on, this guy doesn't seem to want to live with you, but thinks it's okay to tell you that you can't get a dog? What was his attitude towards your children, as 7 years ago they were a bit younger, did they get in his way too?

@tashac89

7 years and you still only see him once a week? I'd ditch the man and get the fluffiest, happiest and most loving dog I could find.

I've 4th this! As 3 others all thought the same as I did!

But is the once a week enough for you - with or without the dog? That’s probably the crux of it.

If he came over more often would his opinion on the dog hold more weight?

What is it that’s stopping him from living with you? Is it the kids - and if so, is your eldest likely to be living independently at any point? Mine is 21 and doesn’t look like going anywhere for the next 3-4 years at least!!

7 years with him, not living together and only seeing him once a week. Everything is on his terms. He's blowing smoke up your arse about moving in and buying a camper van, neither will happen.

Get a dog and dump him. Do you really want another 7 years of this.

He's been stringing you along for years and will continue to do so.

Selfish waster.

Get the dog and be glad you don't live with him.

He is in process of buying a camper van to take you and your children away on trips?

Other than the getting angry bit, I get why he would be against the idea, especially if breathing difficulties around dogs

**Medusa78

Hi , I need to know if I'm selfish. My partner and I live apart. He has heart problems . He decided to spent lockdown away from me and my 2 kids. It's now been 8 months . He won't hug or come near us . I am coping with my deaf autistic son , I also home school my youngest. I feel so lonely . I'm starting to resent him. He dissent even try to keep the relationship alive. I'm just feeling at a complete loss right now , I cry most nights . Any advice is appreciated .**

You posted this last year op

Time to move on

You're living your precious life centred around the needs of a man who won't commit to you.

A campervan with four adult-sized people sounds a terrible idea to me, unless he's planning one if those massive your bus winnebago things - did he ask your opinion before making plans that affect you and your ability to have a dog? Or is it just you that needs permission to do what they'd like?

You're not selfish wanting some permanent companionship & affection. If he's not willing to give it to you, absolutely find it elsewhere - new dog or new man!

You see him once a week but it's the dog who would prevent you from doing things together ?
If he's allergic, there's medication. He would only need that once a week.
I don't get his point. You did well getting the dog.

Get a dog, or even two, the hairiest mofos you can find. dump him!

What is it he thinks you're expecting of him?