Final nail

[crazybutkind]

I have tried to be reasonable but I am currently sat here...sulking. I am a 32 year old mum of 2 and my sulk is worse than my 3 year olds today.

It's Mother's Day.
Being a mum is my biggest achievement. I am lucky, I have friends struggling through IVF and friends who have lost children and I struggled for many years in my early twenties to conceive.

Anyway my partner doesn't "believe" in Mother's Day. Just like he doesn't "believe" in Christmas, Easter, Valentine's Day, anniversaries, Father's Day.... anything really.

We have been together nearly 5 years and I have never received anything for Mother's Day, or my birthday and he apprantley forgot 3 out of the 5 Christmas's that we have had together.

I always get him something for Father's Day, birthday, Christmas. I don't normally do much for Valentine's Day or anniversary but birthdays and Christmas are important to me.

I am probably being very shallow and materialistic but I want a gift. Wether it's my birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day or just because.

I always see things that he likes and buy it for him. We have been on the verge of splitting up for months now but this morning I am just sad.

Seeing everybody celebrating their mothers or mother figures in their lives I am jealous and it can be a really ugly trait.

How do I approach this or do I not without sounding like a brat?

Tbh he could have made a effort even a card n box of chocs from a local shop, you seemed to have tolerated it for 5 years, so he clearly set in his ways and probably now the norm 4 him,, you got 3 choices, tell him exactly how you feel / when fathers day comes get him / do F/all for him / end rship,!!

Sorry, 5 yrs of this and you still expected something today? He's a joyless knob. Why are you with him?

If he knows it's important to you but still doesn't get anything then he is saying he doesn't care what you think about it.

Stop getting him presents?

He's made it clear that he doesn't believe in any of these card-buying occasions. He's not alone in that. Many people reject them because they have religious roots which they find meaningless and/or the focus of the occasions is strongly commercial. I don't understand why you'd expect a change after five years.

If he never buys you gifts of any kind, even small ones, I'd question the relationship more generally. Most people who don't believe in 'occasion' gifts will still buy 'saw this and thought of you' gifts for their loved ones from time to time.

If this is about anything, it's not about Mother's Day, it's about his feelings for you and how he shows (or doesn't show) them.

I expected something today because I blew up just before Christmas about the fact he doesn't get gifts for anyone. Every year I have bought all the gifts for our children for his parents. He then went on a mad frenzy on Christmas Eve and got me a gift at Christmas which was so appreciated. He knows I want to separate

Stop buying family presents, except kids of course. Don't buy him any presents. Start buying your own, then you can't be disappointed.
Not believing is very different to just being lazy.
My next suggestion is ltb or at least think seriously about the relationship. No one wants to be sad in a relationship.

I think i would go to the supermarket and buy myself a present. Then go for a walk and make some firm plans to end the relationship.

He knows you want to separate and he knows that it's important to you for him to go to the effort of getting you a present and he still didn't bother. I think that tells you everything you need to know.

Separate. He's not going to change.

Bake cakes for you and your dc... Watch a film together.. Detach from him op... Makes the Ltb that bit easier.. He needs rid of.

Stop facilitating. Don’t buy presents or cards for him.

Sounds like you'll be better without the miserable sod.

Why are you still buying him gifts ??
Time so start treating yourself with that money and enjoy it.

He sounds very selfish.
You need to treat yourself to something nice.
Don't buy him anything from now on, spend it on yourself.

I wouldn't stay with someone so unkind, it's worrying that your children are learning from his behaviour too. You could give your DC a little money to choose something for you or create a cake or card for you.
I would also splash out on something yourself to treat yourself with.

If he's always been like this, why do you still keep expecting him to change?

I wouldn't delay your split any longer.

The fact is he's just bone idle, he can't be bothered. If you are living with someone you HAVE to make the effort or the love dies.
Sounds like it's died already, sorry I can't live with selfish men.
I'll bet he always has something to say about not getting enough sex.

Why are you with someone who cares so little about others?

Firstly, it's a bit late now, but I would have ended a relationship with someone who didn't ever buy any gifts after the first missed birthday or Christmas.

Secondly, stop buying for him and his family.

Thirdly, call it a day and find someone who actually appreciates you.

What's he like throughout the year? Me and my DP don't really celebrate things like mothers day, fathers day, valentines day etc but he often buys me flowers or a small gift, or occasionally a bigger gift of something he knows I want just because. And I do the same for him. And because I feel loved and appreciated throughout the whole year I don't give a shit if I don't get anything or just a card for mothers day etc

Unless he is amazing at pulling his weight and carrying the mental load on the day to day basis his non-effort is a true reflection of how little you mean to him.

Never let your special days be treated so shittily from now on even if it's you organising it all because your DC are little.

He is allowed to not believe in Christmas or anything. Doesn't prevent him from buying presents to make HIS wife and kids happy, does it?

But tbh he just sounds selfish and inconsiderate. And you sound a bit stupid for buying him presents throughout and expecting him to suddenly change.

I am probably being very shallow and materialistic but I want a gift. Wether it's my birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day or just because.

Wanting a present for xmas and birthday isn't being shallow or materialistic. It's being normal.

It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t “believe” in Mother’s Day, etc... It matters that you do. You value celebrating little milestones. You may not expect Diamond tiaras, but you have made it more than clear that acknowledgement is very important to you. His statement that he doesn’t “believe” in these things is him telling you that he doesn’t think YOU are worth celebrating. It’s not merely cheap, it’s a statement of worth. I would tell him that you don’t “believe” in this marriage.

I'd say it probably is the final nail.

Why the hell are you buying him stuff for Father’s Day, Christmas, birthdays etc.?! He’d get sod all from me.

I bet if he didn’t receive anything, he’d soon be moaning. Doesn’t believe in it my backside. . He’s just idle and mean.

Either separate.

Or if you don’t want to. Take all the money that you’d usually spend on him, gifts for the children from his parents etc. and buy yourself something you really want, wrap it nicely and open it on the day.

Give yourself the gift of leaving him!!!