Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Take her out of my sight

26 replies

Xuzes · 13/03/2021 21:29

I had plans this evening to spend a few hours at my fathers house (he’s in my bubble) and for a little break from my 2dc.

My Dh works away a lot and often works over weekends so it’s tough looking after 2 dc under 4years old alone.

This morning my dd who is 3yrs was being stroppy which is a phase she’s going through at the moment.

My dh was getting wound up as she wouldn’t get dressed and he said “I can’t be doing with her, you best take her out for the day, out of my sight, and I’ll have her from 3pm when you have to leave for your fathers.”

This annoyed me as I felt I was being dictated to. But I did as he asked and entertained the children for the remainder of the morning and into the afternoon until it was time for me to leave. He remained in bed, sleeping the whole time.

I feel like this maybe the turning point for our relationship and I need to leave for my sanity.

Please does any one have any advice?

Thank you

OP posts:
mummywithhermini · 13/03/2021 21:33

Yabu. The child was stressing him out so asked you to remove her from the situation. But that he would care for her later in the day so you could go out. It would be a silly reason to end your relationship.

Arrivederla · 13/03/2021 21:36

YANBU. He doesn't get to bark orders at you like that and decide that he is not going to spend time with his own dc when they are being difficult!

MumofPsuedoAdult · 13/03/2021 21:40

YANBU - he is not a babysitter that clocks in at at certain time, he's a parent who should take equal responsibility for the situation.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 13/03/2021 21:44

He's her father, not a baby sitter. As a parent you don't get to clock out just because they can be stroppy sometimes.

Easterbunnygettingready · 13/03/2021 21:44

Reap the rewards of tomorrow op..
Don't spoil your day.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/03/2021 21:47

@mummywithhermini

Yabu. The child was stressing him out so asked you to remove her from the situation. But that he would care for her later in the day so you could go out. It would be a silly reason to end your relationship.
Don't be so silly. He is her father. He doesn't get to pick and choose when he parents.
Original poster
Xuzes · 13/03/2021 21:50

Thank you all for being so kind. I just feel at the end of my patience with him now. Today was just a culmination of a lot of similar instances and It’s draining!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 13/03/2021 21:51

He soounds awful - get her out of my sight - he is her father

TheGoodEnoughWife · 13/03/2021 21:52

It is actually quite threatening of him too. Like you need to remove her from his sight in case he does something he will regret?

Not a good situation at all.

Cam2020 · 13/03/2021 22:00

YANBU. Perhaps if he had more involvement, he'd learn how to deal with the frustrating behaviour a bit better!

Kittykat93 · 13/03/2021 22:05

Toddlers are gits. But he is her parent, he cant say 'get her out of my sight and I'll see her at 3'..how pathetic and what a useless father.

Forachange77 · 13/03/2021 22:09

Toddlers are not gits! What an awful thing to say. For a father to say a three year old is threatening and quite frankly, awful.

HollowTalk · 13/03/2021 22:11

What a lazy arse he is.

Cakecakeandmorecake · 13/03/2021 22:37

YANBU!

Like a few others have said, he’s not a baby sitter! He shouldn’t have a choice when he sees the kids. I also have a DH that works away a lot and it annoys me sometimes a bit when he gets stressed after 20 mins with DD when I’ve had her all week. But he would never say anything like that or stop helping. Your DH sounds horrible. I’m sorry OP

Sssloou · 13/03/2021 22:38

Did your beautiful innocent precious little girl hear these disrespectful and rejecting words about her from own father?

I am not surprised she has been “acting out” in his presence if this is typical of his behaviour to her in your home.

Ever child deserves better than this.

MapGirlExtraordinaire · 13/03/2021 22:47

I reach the end of my tether occasionally and think similar 'get her out of my sight' type things.

However instead of barking that at DH, I subtlety say to him 'I'm at the end of my tether, can I take some time?' to which he replies 'yeah go for it, take as long as you need'.

That's how adults deal with stuff, by respecting each other and not letting their own frustration potentially damage their children.

marly11 · 13/03/2021 22:56

YANBU. I think the whole bargaining issue that seems to arise with some partners, when you have booked something later in the day without DC...and therefore have to do some kind of advance payback, is all pretty messed up.
Since most of us have already 'earned' that 100 times over anyway its even more of a problem, plus this shouldn't be how a joint partnership works. I don't have a solution but I do feel your pain. Maybe you have to go out more often so somehow you are not held over a barrel on the few times you do?

Bumblebee1980a · 13/03/2021 22:57

To be fair I think you can (as you put it) "clock out", it's all about team work and meeting each other's needs. If one of you is feeling tired and stressed then there is nothing wrong with the other person taking over. It's all about balance.

Occasionally if I'm feeling tired and want to have me time my DP will get over for a few hours and vice versa. I have to be really tired though because I love family time during the weekend. So I guess you get to know whether the other person is taking the Mickey or not.

However, it's not what you say but how you say it. So for example if my DP demanded time out for himself (and said this in front of the children that they were stressing him) then I would be furious (and also would think he lacked emotional intelligence).

You have to look whether this is a pattern. Is he always saying he is stressed and wanting to go to bed? Does say this in front of the children? If he is wanting you to take over for a few hours during the weekend does it balance itself out in other areas. Only you really know the answer.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 13/03/2021 23:06

Well, they can be to be fair. But all the same, they are innocent little gits who are learning how to interact with others and express themselves. Comments like "get her out of my sight" can be damaging.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 13/03/2021 23:07

*can be gits

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 13/03/2021 23:07

"Get her out of my sight" ... or what?

Did she hear all this?

Did you actually get your free time today?

Krazynights34 · 13/03/2021 23:10

I’d be very worried about this actually- it sounds borderline neglectful

wombat1a · 13/03/2021 23:25

To be fair would it have been worse if you had not taken her away? If so then it seems he is being a bit sensible + he was then taking her on later when you where getting away from it all.

Kittykat93 · 14/03/2021 08:09

@Forachange77

Toddlers are not gits! What an awful thing to say. For a father to say a three year old is threatening and quite frankly, awful.
Oh ffs. I have a toddler, who I absolutely adore, I can assure you he can be a git sometimes. 2 and 3 year olds can be very unreasonable and testing..that's no secret. Get a grip.

But agreed the ops partner is completely out of order, as I also said in my comment.

Original poster
Xuzes · 14/03/2021 08:11

Thank you all for your comments. It’s really given me the perspective I needed.
Hope you all have a lovely Mother’s Day Smile

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread