Anyone else being ignored by their DP/DH tonight

[Feelingconfusedtonight]

Rightly or wrongly feeling a bit sorry for myself. Would just love a really good chat, instead he’s on his computer in the spare room.

We’ve been married for over 10 years and dc are primary age. Yes the comment was heartbreaking. It should have been my walk away moment but in the middle of the pandemic(was last year) I couldn’t just walk away.

Given everything you’ve written here, do you really think he’d go for 50%+ custody?
What stuck out to me most from your posts was what you said your DC said “Dad destroys feelings.”
That’s heartbreaking. And despite your fears about divorce / separation, staying with your husband is clearly not doing you or your children any favours.

Feeling, I have just found your thread this morning.

You sound completely ground down.

We can all live with some things for a certain length of time, we brush things under the carpet and accept them as they are. Sometimes being in a situation, takes us longer to see what the reality is, as its how its always been. But over time that mountain becomes bigger and bigger and there comes a point when you reach the peak. It sounds like you are there now. Like the cherry on the top. He may have acted like this for quite a while now, but the mountain has grown and grown, and now you cannot tolerate or brush away anymore.

Something has to change. You cannot keep living like this. Don't be me that just let it build and I ended up having a breakdown. If you want to keep your marriage, he has to realise that things need to change.... forever, not just for a day or 2. So if it is going to work, you both need to make an effort to make it work iyswim. (It took be quite a while to realise that not everything was his fault, I was partly to blame for a fair few things as well) I put in the work and the effort and the trying, he did for a while, but of course it didn''t stay that way. So we separated which was tough, but years down the line I look back and see what a mess I was mentally. Its taken years to bring myself back up out of the ground down state. Which I didn't even realise I was in.

Only you can decide how to move forward. But whatever fork you choose you cannot keep living like this.

Keep posting. Get stuff off your chest. It makes things clearer just getting things out there, even reading back your own posts help a lot I found.

@Feelingconfusedtonight

A moment of realisation for me tonight when a poster in another thread spoke about using food to fill the hole in their heart that the love they weren’t getting left there. I mean I knew I was comfort eating to deal with how I’ve been feeling but the filling a hole in the heart part really hit home.

That was me. Funnily enough I had a husband who ignored me too. Believe me when I say it's less lonely to be actually on your own than to be alone in a marriage.

@CattyCactus I know for certain he wouldn’t accept anything less than 50:50. I know lots don’t step up with care post separation but in conjunction with his parents support I don’t see him settling for anything less.

Always ignored. The business takes priority over our marriage when when he does take time off he doesn’t really want to have to do anything at all. He never spends time with just me. He wouldn’t suggest just the two of us doing anything together. He doesn’t even give me attention unless it’s in our bedroom and he’s feeling horny.

He sits on his phone most evenings completely ignoring me.

I’m pretty miserable to be honest. I have been for years but I’m completely trapped for now.

It could be far worse though, I know that. The kids are happy but they do often gang up against me and I become the joke of the family, but that’s a whole other story.

One day I will get out, I know I will.

@SeashellShoeshine sorry to hear your relationship is also an unhappy one 💐

It’s a very lonely existence for us and I think @ScottChegg sums it up beautifully when they stated:
“Believe me when I say it's less lonely to be actually on your own than to be alone in a marriage”.

It’s not being without DH that scares me as much as the fear about not having the DC with me full time.

[quote Feelingconfusedtonight]@SeashellShoeshine sorry to hear your relationship is also an unhappy one 💐

It’s a very lonely existence for us and I think @ScottChegg sums it up beautifully when they stated:
“Believe me when I say it's less lonely to be actually on your own than to be alone in a marriage”.

It’s not being without DH that scares me as much as the fear about not having the DC with me full time.[/quote]
So true.

I know that mine would keep our DC. He’s almost successfully pitched the eldest against me (they are very close) and middle one would probably side with him too youngest I know would be devastated but you just can’t split siblings up, so it’ll be me who has to go. But as you say I’d so rather he alone myself than alone in a marriage which is basically what I’ve been for the last 25 years.

Just had another argument where he’s blamed me for everything so I’m in the spare room. I do want to go but I literally have nothing other than debt on his behalf. I’m not even named on the mortgage. I am totally screwed.

Being in a marriage is supposed to be about being a team. I’ve never felt like his equal.

Good luck to you OP. You sound as though you deserve so much love ❤️

@SeashellShoeshine I’d contact a lawyer since as far as I’m aware being married trumps not being on the mortgage in terms of division of assets. They should be able to clarify this.

There’s just no spare money for legal assistance. They’re so expensive and DH is in charge of finances. I’m given a set amount each week for food shopping and to pay for bills and the kids so it’s not always possible to have anything left.

I have a friend who has just left her husband and moved into a flat. I was speaking to her recently and everything she’s said about her separation has resonated with me. Her husband was just so disinterested in her and she gave him chance after chance. She feels so much better about her life now.

Being alone is the worst thing, especially the way things are just now. I don’t know about you op but lockdown has really made me realise how lonely my marriage is. It’s only the other things I do and the wonderful people who I am lucky to know who fill that void.

“Being alone is the worst thing, especially the way things are just now. I don’t know about you op but lockdown has really made me realise how lonely my marriage is. It’s only the other things I do and the wonderful people who I am lucky to know who fill that void”
@SeashellShoeshine I was lonely before but it didn’t affect me as much. I didn’t feel anywhere near as trapped as I do now. It’s like lockdown has taken it to a whole new level.
Like you, I’m not in a financial position to seek legal advice. Since DH is wfh I can’t even pick up the phone to someone to get advice

Having a wild Saturday night in front on the tv now dc are in bed and surprise surprise dh is off doing his own thing. He’d usually watch casualty with me on a Saturday night but because of the rugby it’s not on.