Divorce - Financial Settlement what’s likely

[Cantwaittomoveon]

Hi Everyone,
First post for me, just need some advice and support on what’s likely to happen in upcoming divorce. Here’s the story, we’ve been married for 25yrs, DH has had enough, if I’m honest it’s been dead for years and he’s just been waiting for the kids to grow up. I’m scared as DH manages all the finances, bills, cars etc.

My biggest worry is what sort of financial settlement I’ll get.
Me 57yrs old, income £35k pa, £30k pension pot
DH 53yrs old, income £65k pa, £350k pension pot
We have a large house worth £700k With £200k Mortgage left
Children 18 and 21 one working other at uni.
Is the split likely to be 50/50 or can I push for more?
Thank you....

@notapizzaeater

My mum got 60/40 split of the house and about 78% of his pension pot (a specialist and to value it). Doesn't matter if he's not happy with the split - you've got to look after yourself.

Wow 78% is good going!

3 years out of the workplace to raise kids is nothing - you have little moral or ethical claim to half his pension.

Why should you be left in a better financial position purely because you married him and had children together? You don't need half his pension to continue to raise the children. Had you never met him you wouldn't have a pension pot of £350k so why should you now?

I don’t think it is reasonable to expect him to continue to pay half your mortgage.
Have some pride in yourself. You have a decent salary and enough to buy a flat outright.

Good God . . . Cantwait has been married for a very long time. She is entitled to her fair share of everything that has accumulated during her marriage so that she and her STBX can start afresh on an equal footing. And fortunately for her, the law agrees.

Ha ha ivfbeenbusy- that's just part of being married, of COURSE she gets half his pension, and good for her!

@oldfatandtired1 and 50:50 is not equal footing? Don’t think you could get more equal than that.

I want to make it clear that I think she’s entitled to 50% of course! Not disputing that. And if young children are involved I think she would be entitled to more than that because I wouldn’t expect the children’s lives to be disrupted.

However, given that her children are grown and she CHOSE not to work for many years despite her husband encouraging her too , then I think more than 50% is unfair.

Mumsnet is very sexist. Always in favour of the woman. The amount of times I hear advice for women ‘to protect themselves’ or ringfence their deposits when they own the home or are the breadwinner. If her husband chose not to work like OP chose not to, he’d be called a cocklodger. But when it’s the other way round it’s ‘go for 78%!!!’, ‘go for all you can get!!’

Somehow always able to justify unequal treatment when it’s a woman

But it's not just 3 years out of the workplace. It's choosing employment that fits around the childcare needs and not that maximises earning potential.
OP is now on 35k a year to DHs 60k. That has to be factored into the financial allocation.

50/50 is the starting point. This is a very long marriage where H earns double the wife so the OP requires more so that she and her STBX can start afresh on an equal footing.

FWIW I got 90% house equity and a substantial pension share when I divorced after a 25 year marriage. This allowed us to start again on an equal footing.

And now I’m going to hide this thread before my blood pressure rises!

OP - ignore some of the nonsense spouted here. You’re not being grabby, look after yourself and see a good Family lawyer.

• But it's not just 3 years out of the workplace. It's choosing employment that fits around the childcare needs and not that maximises earning potential. OP is now on 35k a year to DHs 60k. That has to be factored into the financial allocation.*

^^THIS!!!

If OP hadn’t married and raised THEIR children she could have maximised her earnings. But she did, as a part of being married. That has to be taken into account. Some of the posts on here are crackers.

You must get a lawyer. A fair settlement depends on a number of factors therefore only a lawyer can advise you correctly. Ignore the other posters talking about moral entitlement - the law does not work that way.
Based only on the factors mentioned in the post and taking account of the length of your marriage, your relationship-generated disadvantage (undertaking unpaid child care to the detriment of your career and pension), the disparity in your ages, pensions, earning potential and mortgage bearing capacity - a fair settlement could be 55/45 asset split in your favour. So you should get 55% of all assets. This includes 55% of equity in the house, all savings, 55% of the CETV value of all pensions. Do not settle for less. Don’t worry about upsetting your ex. Sorry to be cynical but it is highly likely he will soon find himself another partner 20 years younger and will start a second family. Better to claim your full legal share of matrimonial asserts now so you and your children are provided for.

@ivfbeenbusy

mine is a small pot having not worked for a number of years previously

How many is a "number" of years? Personally I don't think it's fair for him to give you 50% of his pension if you only had a couple of years out of the workplace and just because he has the better job/made better long term provisions?

25 year marriage and that's what they agreed. You may not like it, so dont do that in your relationships. "Made better long term provision" - yes out of FAMILY money.

Op - I would focus more on the pension than anything else at your age. Document all the unpaid hours/years of support. I reckon you could get more than 50%, but sadly now both DC are adults that may not help you. I would be wondering if thats why (soon to be exD)H waited. Please make sure you get copies of anything financial, everything. You might need to be able to prove disposal of assets if he starts spending significantly on "things".

@ivfbeenbusy

mine is a small pot having not worked for a number of years previously

How many is a "number" of years? Personally I don't think it's fair for him to give you 50% of his pension if you only had a couple of years out of the workplace and just because he has the better job/made better long term provisions?

I do have a bit of sympathy with this view.

My ExW decided not to contribute to a pension as she didn’t trust them. Instead she spent on shoes. I did contribute but then she took half when we divorced. That didn’t feel entirely fair

WTF am I reading on here? No wonder women’s contributions (childcare / nurturing / housekeeping / administrating / managing AND financial) are undervalued when you’ve got women on here thinking OP has no right to half her husbands pension.

Please get yourself a good solicitor! I'm currently divorcing my H after 10 years and 1 child. I get 58% equity in the house and he gets 42%. I have left his pension as it's not huge and I didn't want to argue any longer. My solicitor said I could have claimed half of that too. You need proper advice, but be prepared to pay for it. Good luck.

@ivfbeenbusy

mine is a small pot having not worked for a number of years previously

How many is a "number" of years? Personally I don't think it's fair for him to give you 50% of his pension if you only had a couple of years out of the workplace and just because he has the better job/made better long term provisions?

Don't be ridiculous !

You don't need a shit hot lawyer - you just need one that will work for you to ensure you get what is enshrined in law . Your pensions will sit against each other and you will get 50% of that sum total at least . I'm not sure about getting any more than that but your lawyer can advise . Have you had recent Cash Equivalent Transfer Values ? You will get 50% of the equity in the house . Sadly we all "want" certain things/sizes of houses etc but the reality is that divorce does make you poorer. Don't be tempted to trade pension for equity . While house prices do increase, houses are also a drain on your finance whereas a pension transfer will work for you and increase in value . The good thing is that you will be able to have your pension as a lump sum to invest and control as you want whereas your H will just get to have his monthly pension from what is left ( if you get what I mean ) . My ex H was complaining that I was better off than him because of this .🤔😂

so equity and pension assets are around 850k and 50% of that would get you the house that you want

I would offer a 60/40 split to begin with as the equity and the pension are both up for grabs - you can offset the pension against the equity to get the amount that you need to get the 3 bed semi you want (and he should also be able to get). Probably hoping to get 55/45 but accepting 50/50 if everything is in

@Quartz2208

so equity and pension assets are around 850k and 50% of that would get you the house that you want

I would offer a 60/40 split to begin with as the equity and the pension are both up for grabs - you can offset the pension against the equity to get the amount that you need to get the 3 bed semi you want (and he should also be able to get). Probably hoping to get 55/45 but accepting 50/50 if everything is in

You don't get the pension share in cash to use for a house . It is a pension transfer and has to go into a pension plan .

True BehindMyEyes except that the OP can top slice 25% of the transferred pension and take it as tax free cash. There are tax implications and the OP would need to take expert tax advice first as doing this it limits the amount of future pension savings.

You need a lawyer’s view based on all the facts. But just one thing to bear in mind: you want to compare pensions at the time they become payable (ie retirement benefits) not the cash equivalent transfer value.

I think you should go for 60% of everything. Your H has years to build up his pension pot from his much larger salary than yours. It doesn’t matter that he won’t like it.

@Theoscargoesto

You need a lawyer’s view based on all the facts. But just one thing to bear in mind: you want to compare pensions at the time they become payable (ie retirement benefits) not the cash equivalent transfer value.

How can they do that in the future ?

My pension share was done on a specific day when it was processed . As it happened because of my ex H arsing about the whole thing was delayed by about 18 months year and in that time increased by 30%.

There's a decent amount of assets to divvy up between you, and you both have decent income now. So you should both be able to come out of it with a comfortable settlement for both of you, but you have to accept that your're both going to worse off financially - you can't share something two two ways and still have the same standard of living as before.

Try your very best to keep it amicable and fair - once laywers get involved it often ends in them escalating it into a dogfight and the solicitors become the main winners (think £100k in legal bills between you).

I think fair would be to start at 50/50 on the physical assets (house equity, any other valuable posessions?). But you should be entitled to some of his pension, or something to compensate you for the disparity between yours and his. Pensions are notoriously complicated to split, so it may well be better for both of you if you leave his pension alone, and agree on extra equity from the house instead.

Your 30k pension pot sounds quite small too. Even if you haven't worked at all for the last 20 years whilst parenting the kids, I'm surprised the pre existing pot hasn't got bigger.