I am 30 and my bf is 38. In a relationship for 3.5 years now. We don’t live together.
Recently I purchased a house (from my savings) for investment purposes and have been renting that out.
My bf says he wants to marry me but is waiting for the right time as he wants to buy his own place first.
I offered to contribute half towards the purchase of our marital home and it’s mortgage which he accepted. So I have been also putting money aside to contribute towards our first home together. We currently do not live together.
I was content in my previous job and I was earning less than my bf. My bf, however, would encourage me to progress and utilise my abilities. I listened to him.
Thus, 2 years ago I got a new job where my salary is 6 figures.
Shortly after starting the job, I invited him to dinner. I had not seen him for some time as I was in a different country briefly. The bill came and I paid. At the time he didn’t say anything but later confronted me about it.
He alleged that I was showing off and trying to belittle him. I just thought as it was me who invited him for dinner it is only fair I pay. In the past he has paid for me and I have paid for him regarding dinner. So I was confused what was different this time round? Regardless I apologised for upsetting him which I did not intend.
He start to talk about how women think they are so independent these days thereby they should also contribute equally for dates/ costs. Ironic considering he had a go at me for paying for dinner.
Few months ago I got another pay rise and hence why I was able to achieve my dream of purchasing a property to rent out. I told him of this dream from the very start.
Things just went downhill from there.
For instance, he told me about his friend’s political view. I responded saying I did not agree with his friend’s view but nonetheless everyone is entitled to their own beliefs.
My bf kicked off and accused me of showing off, thinking I am better than him. That I like to think I am rich. That I spend my money like there’s no tomorrow. That I also look down on people and don’t understand people’s struggles. He also claimed I have had life so easy. I was honestly baffled. Especially as it was the first time I heard all of this and also because it had to relevance to the initial conversation.
I have never claimed I was better than him. In fact it is always him who brings up “you earn more than me” statements. I never thought he seriously meant anything underneath it. I have also never till this day said that to him.
Rather I say to him it doesn’t matter who earns more as we are one.
I do regular voluntary work for a local charity. I have done various volunteering events since I was 16. I pay my parents bills and give them money every month too. I also have worked since I was 16 and went to university where I held down a part time job. I graduated with a first despite my grandma (who I was close to) at the time being diagnosed with a brain tumour and eventually passing away.
Even my job, I was not handed it on a plate. I had to do various assessments and courses. I studied. I still have to do assessments to keep my skills set up to date.
My bf claimed I only got the job because I am a female and the hiring manager must have fancied me. Despite the hiring manager being a straight female. To add, the initial assessments were done anonymously too.
The annoying thing is the argument will never start about this topic. It will be based on something completely random. Most recent one where he asked what type of music I prefer. I answered to which he start criticising my preference. I didn’t say anything back other than looking confused. It was then followed by the you think you are rich and better whinging.
It’s as if he tried to pick on me for a fight.
I do love him a lot but I just don’t know what to do. I genuinely do not think I am better than him nor anyone else. I am just an average person.