Is there love after 40...feeling very Bridget Jones

[Gempeatea]

So is there love after 40...?? Id really like to hear people's experiences x
My hubby left im february 2019 after 20 years... took me a year to pull myself together and a friend said.. "get on tinder".. Well that was that met someone and it lasted nearly a year we split in February.. Hmmm must avoid February from now on.

Anyway im dragging my arse through this, gone No Contact cause that's what you do in this social media age... Which is a logistical nightmare.

So i suppose it would be nice to hear from you all about love and life after 40. I feel like im living Bridget Jones life and swapping between the "pity party scene... You have no messages" to the " sat at a table with all the Smug Married Couples".

All my friends are married or in LT Relationships and im looking for inspiration from people who can really identify with my situation xx

I have a different perspective, having been with my DH for over 21yrs and him having a terminal diagnosis.My DH is anxious about me replacing him and father of his kids. However I have zero interest in having a new man, relationships are a pain in the arse and I am keen to find me, focus on me, focus on my family and friends. My sister moved from one man to the next and I am really not interested. I have friends who are single females with no kids having never been married and there now 50, they are happy, not desperate for a man and dont define themselves by a man. Find yourself, enjoy being and independent woman and be happy in your own space.If a man comes along and makes you rethink then brill but i wouldnt worry of it doesnt

Yep. I'm 46. Kicked my exh out in 2012. Been single pretty much ever since

Dated a bit here and there maybe every couple of years or so but no one I wanted to take things any further with - certainly nothing I'd call a 'relationship'.

I remember watching Bridget Jones' Diary a couple of years after splitting up with my exh and realising I was also sitting on my sofa, in my pjs, drinking wine and I didn't have a Mark Darcy or even a Daniel Cleaver to keep my spirits up!

I doubt I ever will now. I loathe online dating with a passion and nothing other than sole responsibility for repopulating the planet would get me back on there and I I don't think I'd bother even then. I don't meet single men in real life. I briefly dated the only suitable single male any of my friends know.

I've done the 'dating myself' stuff; moved house; lost weight; taken up yoga; hobbies; friends; holiday alone; got a new job... all great stuff and I'm happy with my life on the whole. I just don't see a relationship in my future if I'm honest 😔

Do you think that being in a couple is the only way to be? Have you challenged that concept?

Have you any idea how good single life can be? Because if you don't, get the hang of it before you try to meet someone else. Your next relationship will be way better if you do. If you choose to have a next relationship. You might decide singledom is better.

Bridget Jones is a sad sack who only cares about how men see her.

How d'you see yourself, OP? Does it feel a bit unfair that you're single, when you and your friends know what a great person you are?

Focus on and celebrate the 'great person' bit, unless you want to define yourself according to your relationship status.

mybonnieliesovertheocean2

So sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis but, with respect, that is a very different situation.

When I was married, my marriage was loveless and genuinely sexless. A friend asked me about it once and I said to her exactly what I often read on here from women who have been in very long relationships - that i had no interest in meeting anyone; that , should we split up, I would have no interest in meeting anyone else; that I would be content to he single and go to festivals and art galleries on my own. And I was. Festivals, art galleries, chamber concerts, lone wild camping... I've sung solo at a major uk music venue, played with several bands, travelled overseas alone, learnt new skills, made new friends, started new hobbies... I go out for dinner alone, completely reinvented myself and updated my image based on who I wanted to he and a not who my husband thought I should be...

But, 9 years on, a relationship would he nice. I just don't see it happening.

Same, 40 and single forever. With bad relationships behind me I want to live the rest of my life alone most men are married anyway the decent ones anyway. No relationship in my future either I'm just not interested. Older I've got the less I find men attractive.

Million quid would be nice. D'you see that happening? Does it take up much brainspace wishing you had it?

I kicked exh out in the summer of 2012. Met now dh in November... Had a dc in 2014 and married in 2015.
I was 41. He was 31...

Divorced at 37 (17 years in abusive marriage). Then three lousy relationships, each worse than the last. At least the first of those involved a few years of wild sex, which was making up for lost time!

Gave up dating altogether. Moved to remote Welsh valley and lived alone in total isolation for 6 years. Very happy. Delighted to have no one around to spoil things for me! Determined never to compromise again, which I assumed meant no more relationships.

At age 53, met amazing man. Married him in 2013. We now live miles from anywhere, never argue, laugh all the time, happy life.

Never say never, I guess. but I think Eckhart is right that it's important to find contentment and fulfilment alone before you get involved with anyone else. However, I think enjoying being alone was easier for me later in life when I no longer had hormones affecting my judgement

WomblesOfWimbledonCommon you are correct however my point is that woman need to stop defining happiness by being with a man. Find yourself again, regain your identity and at times redfine your standards and also accept you can be happy on your own.

I'll join your pity party, similar here marriage broke down in 2019 after almost 20 years, 6 months later met a guy that I was in a relationship with for 18 months and back to being single again already! By choice though.
I'm also 40, it's rubbish isn't it, this time I am actually enjoying being single for now, sort of had enough of relationships not working out, and for the next few months anyway before I even go near a dating app.

I do remain optimistic though, I would really like to get married again one day if I can find the right one.

After 5 years of dating on and off, I've seen most the red flags, found the wrong ones, listened to the stories of married couples bickering and all that entails. I am happy with sole possession of all my remote controls! Whilst I date, I also appreciate what I've got and could lose. I'm very special, not in an arrogant way, but know my own worth. I have picked the wrong men occasionally, but they've soon been dumped.
Never be in a rush to find "the one". you end up making mistakes. I'm still of the thought after doing OLD and finding it hideous, that the right man will pop up at sometime when I least expect it.

I’m 33 but have posted something very similar. I’ve been out, found myself, loved life, built a career and not I’m just so bored of being on my own, never having a plus one, and terrible date after date. Keep waiting for the right man, who’s not covered in red flags to pop up, but I think he’s got very lost.

I know a wonderful woman who had been in a very abusive and toxic marriage for years. Just 2 years ago she met a kind caring man who has really loved and cherished her. It's definitely possible but as others here have said, I guess it's also about finding happiness within ourselves first. I'm a lesbian so obvs not looking for a man lol, but all the same hoping to find a great woman at one point

I've also never liked the Bridget Jones movies very much. Even though it's just acting, she kinda comes across as desperate and not all single women are like this

Im 51, widowed for 3 years and in the early months of a very nice relationship with a lovely divorced man that I think I'm falling in love with. Usual online meeting, and luckily we managed three dates before lockdown. It's passionate, lighthearted and caring. We have zero interest in living together but we can't wait to spend time together again after lockdown. It enhances my life.

I had 18 months or so of crazy sex dating from age 49 that was an absolute heap of fun. I had a sex drive so insanely strong I could have taken on most of the UK; it's a bit calmer now. There were a few tricky moments and a bit of heartache but mostly I would recommend it if you like gonzo sex and having men almost literally worship your body; did my confidence no end of good. If not, enjoy the sheer peace of not living with someone; I still adore that.

Wombles, were the same age and our stories are very similar.

Mostly I don't miss a relationship, but then sometimes it would be nice to have a warm body in the bed next to me. I was doing a long-distance walk solo last year, and it was fine, but one night I could hear a couple in the room next to me, just talking for ages, and I felt a pang.

Alice, how did you find that amazing man?

Yes there is!
I split from Ex at age 43. Had a year of just focusing on myself and DD and our home. Did lots of OLD but with a view to getting out and about and seeing some new people rather than meeting a partner. Met some nice people and some idiots but made some good friends too.

Wa gonna take a break from dating but met Mr Right on Tinder at age 46. Clicked immediately and feels effortless and natural. Best laugh and best sex of my life and I feel adored every day.

After my ex fiancé dumped me when I was 21 I had a few short relationships. Then almost 20 years later I thought I met the one that I would marry when I was in my late 30s. He cheated on me a few years later.

I met someone else who I didn’t love but cared about, we were on and off for a few years then finally broke it off - we are just way too incompatible and I couldn’t force myself to commit to someone I had to compromise so much of myself for. Plus being with him made me feel so lonely.

Now I’m 50 without any prospects. I’ve let myself go and now I’m fat and unattractive so as depressed and sad it makes me, I know that I will be alone for the rest of my days.

Sorry OP, this was a downer but you are only 40 so you still have time. If I was 40 again I would be much more hopeful.

I think you are doing well on the relationship front actually OP, your marriage ended two years ago and you have already had a one year relationship since then. Now break ups suck, but you met someone pretty easily last time and that was just a year ago. I'm sure you'll meet someone again soon if that's what you want.

@mybonnieliesovertheocean2

WomblesOfWimbledonCommon you are correct however my point is that woman need to stop defining happiness by being with a man. Find yourself again, regain your identity and at times redfine your standards and also accept you can be happy on your own.

Yes but why can't you fo all of that and date a nice man?

You don't date and then give all of that up.
It's all well and good saying what an independent woman you are , it can be great but some nice sex from a nice man would be good too.
Without the faff of fwb.

ExH moved out January 2017 but marriage was long over before then after I discovered some awful shit had been going on. Should have left way sooner but didn't have confidence. I was 38, Had zero expectations of meeting anyone new, decided the romance chapter of my life was over and was just going to focus on (young) DC + career.
Met now DP 2 weeks before my 40th birthday. We got engaged in January this year! It can happen x

It's all very well to say love yourself first, learn to be happy on your own, don't be defined by a man etc etc but it's not that simple. I've got a great job, own my home, lovely family and friends and lots of interests. But the bottom line is I'm lonely and I miss company and affection. You can love yourself all you want but that doesn't change.

OP I know people who've met lovely partners much later in life than their 40s so don't give up hope. Very few of them were online mind you.

I agree it's very simple to say "learn to be happy on your own"
I struggled with that as I'm a very tactile and affectionate person. I had 2 years of crazy sex with younger men and it did utterly amazing things for my confidence. (Sexually and life in general, I felt like a drudge for years, now I feel like a sexy powerful woman)
Decided I wanted a relationship again, treated it like a part time job, going on multiple dates a week and found a lovely divorced guy. We've been together 18 months. I just turned 42

i'm of a similar age, single for 3.5yrs.

I spent 4 months in a really intense casual relationship with someone last year.. omg he blew my mind, but we called time with lockdown, we might pick it back up, we might not.

TBH, i enjoy friendship more than sex, i miss company, but i dont miss any of the shit involved with sharing my home/life with a guy at all.

Sure i hope i find someone eventually, but i have zero interest in living with a man again, they'd have to be happy with a long term dating kind of situation.