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Relationships

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Original poster

3 kids together but wants days apart and space

48 replies

toddd02 · 09/03/2021 17:15

A few years ago we split and got separate houses. But in the past year got back together.

We have three kids together but he wants me and the kids to go home for 3 days a week and not to talk in those times because he needs "space from me".

But he'll go through times he can't be without us etc.

This is completely not normal is it?

He has never had the kids on his own. They are always wirh me and when we split he came over to visit them whilst I did everything.

OP posts:

pinguwings · 09/03/2021 17:16

Not normal. What on earth does he add to your relationship?

NerrSnerr · 09/03/2021 17:17

What would he say if you tell him that need needs to take the kids and give you space?

AmandaHoldensLips · 09/03/2021 17:18

wtf? Sounds like a selfish, controlling arsehole to me.

How about he takes the kids for 3 days a week so you can get some peace, eh?

Mintjulia · 09/03/2021 17:18

Wanting a bit of space, especially after being in lockdown, might not be unreasonable. I know I cherish a weekend on my own.

But the idea that he has never had the children on his own - his three children - is crazy. He needs to roll up his sleeves and cope so you can have a weekend off, and then he'll have EARNED his weekend to himself.

I think I'd start being late home from things!

RightOnTheEdge · 09/03/2021 17:22

So he gets three days of peace and quiet while you look after the kids on your own but he's never had them by himself?

Chuck him in the bin.

sunnyzweibrucken · 09/03/2021 17:51

i can understand the need for space (i need space quite a bit too), but it's not fair that you never get a break from the dcs but he does. he needs to take them sometimes so you get some down time.

Lampzade · 09/03/2021 17:54

WTF..,
There are no words..

category12 · 09/03/2021 17:55

Um, only if the offer is that you get the same amount of time child-free with him doing the heavy-lifting of childcare and household stuff.

Otherwise he's taking the piss completely.

And he is, isn't he?

category12 · 09/03/2021 17:56

I'd go back to your own house permanently and move on from him. At least you'd have the option then of finding a partner who actually wants to be a partner. You're supposed to be a team.

GreenBalaclava · 09/03/2021 17:59

If you split again OP, make sure that you leave the house when he comes over for contact time (if he really can't have them at his place). He needs to learn how to parent!

wandawombat · 09/03/2021 18:00

Well, he can jog on...

New "friend" for those times he's a bit bored?

optimistic40 · 09/03/2021 18:02

Agree with others - if there is to be a space arrangement, you ought to have some too! I wouldn't be upset by the need for space, as I like to too (but can definitely understand being hurt by it)... however, this arrangement sounds like it will only benefit him, with you doing everything!

Cleverpolly3 · 09/03/2021 18:02

I’d say dream on and tell him you need to come to a formal arrangement regarding children
He is totally taking the absolute piss

RandomMess · 09/03/2021 18:04

Ha I would totally end it and if he wanted to see the DC he collects them and looks after them at his house like every other decent parent.

So basically he wants the family life when it suits him with you doing ALL the work and then the single life rest of the week!!!

You must know you deserve better than this? You do 100% deserve better!

PearlescentIridescent · 09/03/2021 18:04

I don't even know how you have kept it together I would be so hurt and offended if my partner said anything like this.

Yes everyone needs space/downtime/respite but the sheer selfishness and indifference he has shown by suggesting this would just make my jaw hit the floor if he said that to me.

I'd get well rid and be grateful you already have separate homes.

Even if he turned out to not mean it I'd be concerned about his going to extremes (he now wants to be away from you all for half of the week but you say he sometimes can't stand being without you?). Very concerning and I can't figure it out.

I'd just want peace and independence. It sounds like you will never be settled with him and he'll always be throughing you hoops to jump through.

Porridgeoat · 09/03/2021 18:07

Suggest to him that you live in your house and he visits but also has the kids at his two days a week so you get a break

Clymene · 09/03/2021 18:21

What's in it for you?

frozendaisy · 09/03/2021 18:25

@Lampzade

WTF.., There are no words..

First thought .... OM-actual-FG.

Please OP don't be his enabler to do this.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 09/03/2021 19:23

Tell him to fuck right off.

Not in those words. But seriously what he's asking of you is batshit and a million percent disrespectful.

willloman · 09/03/2021 19:53

tell him you need 3 days space also. send the children to him. just do it.

HallowedGround · 09/03/2021 20:04

Those three days will probably be when he's got someone else round. He sounds like a pointless partner and a shit dad.

Original poster

toddd02 · 09/03/2021 21:01

I would send them around but I'm still breastfeeding my 6 month old exclusively expect for one meal a day

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 09/03/2021 21:06

What on earth are you even doing? No words for this level of insanity.

RandomMess · 09/03/2021 21:13

Send the older two around then!

He wants his cake and to eat it. I can't believe his bare faces cheek of thinking it was even ok to ask it if you.

NerrSnerr · 09/03/2021 21:20

Why not send the other 2 around? Why on earth do you put up with it? How can you afford 2 households? Is he paying his share for the children?

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