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Original poster

Does boyfriend want to get back with his ex?

34 replies

Toffeepieandcream · 09/03/2021 00:06

I've name changed. I want opinions on whether I'm being unreasonable or even stupid. My boyfriend and I have beeñ together for seven months and are generally very happy. We say we love each other, get on well and our children mostly get on well too (mine is 15, his is 14). There is only one problem, it's his ex partner.

They were together for four years and he loved her very much and I know he found her very attractive. They are still 'friends' but she was dating someone until recently so it was just a text sometimes. They are now talking in the phone sometimes which I'm ok with. Trouble is it can be for three or 4 hours at a time, late into thr night.She texts him quite a lot but he says it's just friendship.

He seems very happy with me and tells me that he did feel tempted to get back with her a couple of months ago, when she broke up with her boyfriend (which I'm upset about) but now he says he definitely isn't interested in her and loves me, wants to be with me and can see a happy future for us. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but I just don't understand why he has to have long phonecalls with her. I trust him and don't think he'd be unfaithful to me. I think she being flirty and is a pain in the arse, really seeking his attention by texting a lot.

He has said they might meet up for a coffee or something soon, but I just feel a bit paranoid about why he wants to. Am I being ott? I love him very much and we are happy but should I be worried?

OP posts:
Mrsrightagain · 09/03/2021 00:11

I wouldn't be happy about this. Why do they need to meet up? Tell him you will go along too , see how he reacts.

Kelly345 · 09/03/2021 00:12

Hate to say this girlfriend. He's not over her.

NovemberR · 09/03/2021 00:14

I would bin someone who has three or four hour long, late night phone calls with their ex.

It's utterly inappropriate if he's in a relationship with you.

Wanderlusto · 09/03/2021 00:52

If he hadn't said that about being tempted to get back with her a few month back then I would have said he can go for coffee with her - IF you go along too. It's the same as a female friend - I'd expect to meet them and make sure there was nothing romantic there.

But considering he said that...nope, not on. I think I'd actually have to walk tbh.

sunnyzweibrucken · 09/03/2021 01:04

He’s definitely not over her yet

Longdistance · 09/03/2021 01:08

He was tempted to go back to her a couple of months ago? ‘Off you fuck dear!’
Three hours on the phone? I don’t spend that much time talking to my dh let alone on the phone Confused

NotAgainNoMore · 09/03/2021 01:29

Seven months in and all this shit. Hell no. You can do better.

Snowball70 · 09/03/2021 01:36

@NovemberR

I would bin someone who has three or four hour long, late night phone calls with their ex.

It's utterly inappropriate if he's in a relationship with you.

This 🌺

SnoringSnore · 09/03/2021 02:00

Sorry if my husband told me (back when he was a partner) that he had considered leaving me a couple of months ago to be with his ex when he found out her relationship had failed that would be the end for me. Absolutely dead in the water from that point on. Never mind the late night 4 hour phone calls.

You deserve better OP.

LifeExperience · 09/03/2021 02:02

Yes, he wants to get back with her.

Crimeismymiddlename · 09/03/2021 02:44

Oh no-I am sorry but I think he may want to get back with her. It’s not the coffee so much, I sometimes have coffee with ex’s just to catch up-no feelings on either end, but I don’t have four hour phone calls or text them all the time-that is for when you meet someone and are totally ga ga for them. It’s only been seven months-it might be worth having a chat with him to see were you both stand.

floweryscarf · 09/03/2021 03:03

If a man is spending hours a night on the phone to someone, it's safe to say he loves them.

Dayafterday · 09/03/2021 03:15

Where are you when he’s talking to her for hours?

Becstar90 · 09/03/2021 03:18

Weird. I wouldn't even talk to my boyfriend for 3-4 hrs on the phone let alone an ex.

MsDogLady · 09/03/2021 03:30

Toffee, you are underreacting.

Your P recently felt tempted to reunite with his Ex. He has been pouring emotional energy into her during 3-4 hour late night calls, plus all the messaging. This is beyond inappropriate. Now he is planning to meet up with her. It sounds like they are having an emotional affair right under your nose.

Why are you tolerating this disrespect? In your shoes, I would walk away and leave them to it.

SmeleanorSmellstrop · 09/03/2021 04:30

3 hour phone calls mean definitely wants to get back together. 100%. Have you ever had a 3 hour long late night phone call with someone you weren't interested in (or already with)?

Monty27 · 09/03/2021 04:40

F

sarahc336 · 09/03/2021 05:08

Yeah those phone calls aren't normal are they, I don't even talk to my I'm for that long let alone my ex. I think know the answer x

RantyAnty · 09/03/2021 05:30

It's only been 7 months. Get rid.

It sounds like he's keeping you around as a backup in case his plan to get back with his ex fails.

The words I love you don't mean much when his actions say something completely different.

Sahm101 · 09/03/2021 05:34

Why do you have such low standards about what is acceptable op? He is having 3 hour phonecalls into the night with her. You really can't see he is still into her? He seems to be keeping you sweet in hope things might work with her. And this is only 7 months in. Big red flags here.

meganiris1922 · 09/03/2021 05:41

I would leave hi
Op . I think if she wanted him back he would be gone . 😢

TortaCioccolato · 09/03/2021 05:50

You are living in limbo whilst he decides who he is going to be with. It must feel awful for you having to live like this. Seize control of the situation and tell him his behaviour is unacceptable and that you don't want to be with someone who is so invested in someone else. Show him the door and find someone who wants to spend three or four hours on the phone to YOU. Yes he probably will end up back with her but so what, it sounds like that's where he's headed anyway so be brave and make the decision for him and stop living a life of worry.

category12 · 09/03/2021 06:41

I'd be out.

He's taking the piss out of you.

user1493413286 · 09/03/2021 06:44

So he was tempted to get back together with her when you two were together? That’s not ok. And no the long phone calls are not ok.

Original poster
Toffeepieandcream · 09/03/2021 10:08

Hi and thanks for all the replies I appreciate it. I do believe him,he says he doesn't want to get back with her and loves me. Sees a future with me. The phone calls , there have only been a few and he knows it caused anxiety so said he won't do that any more. We are not young, both in our mid forties. I know i sound in denial but he seems so happy when he with me. I don't want to end it because of her. But do you think it a problem that they remain in contact? Could he really still want to get back with her of he's saying all that to me? He's such a lovely man and I want to trust him.

OP posts:
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