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Original poster

Boyfriend picture comment about my child

44 replies

Jeanna65 · 08/03/2021 18:57

So I’ve been dating this guy for 7/8 months and already thinking about introducing my child (he is 3). He saw picture of him before. Today I sent him picture of my son and his reaction was that he would be mad as adult with childhood pics with “pulling girly looking hair like that”. My son has a long hair. I got mad and not sure if I overreact it . Btw it was in the middle of conversation about people putting pics of their kids on the internet. So maybe he was just in judgemental mode. But I’m upset and not sure I should be introducing my son after this comment. Am I overreacting? I just expected “cute” or something - not really an insultSad

OP posts:
category12 · 08/03/2021 19:00

He sounds pretty sexist and like he'd enforce gender stereotypes on your kid and any you had together. I'd be giving him the stink-eye and reviewing what I know about him, if I were you. And putting the escalating of the relationship on hold.

Original poster
Jeanna65 · 08/03/2021 19:05

Not sure - didn’t show any signs of sexism so far. But I don’t think it’s polite so say out loud something like that about child even if you think that...Sad

OP posts:
Longdistance · 08/03/2021 19:10

I’d dump him for being a twat.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/03/2021 19:12

Bin before he gets himself into the position of torturing your baby boy about being a girl and chucking away anything that might possibly 'turn him gay' like a doll/Action Man.

MazekeenSmith · 08/03/2021 19:13

Sexist wanker. Dump

ChampagneWorries · 08/03/2021 19:15

He will give your son a complex

Eckhart · 08/03/2021 19:16

What did he say when you talked to him about it?

If you're posting it on a forum before you've discussed it with him, why? Do you really think it's time to introduce your child to someone with whom you have such a superficial relationship?

Imissmoominmama · 08/03/2021 19:17

Dump him.

SarahBellam · 08/03/2021 19:18

It is a dick comment. Was it a one off or is it part of a pattern? Has he ever said anything else that has given you pause for thought? Something like that would definitely give me the ick.

Soubriquet · 08/03/2021 19:19

No I wouldn’t be impressed with a comment like that

If he honestly feels that way, there’s a high chance he would say it to your ds. Would you like that?

Pumpkinpied · 08/03/2021 19:20

I think it’s good he was honest. He could have lied and you’d have be none the wiser. Get rid.

Clymene · 08/03/2021 19:21

He goes in the goodbye pile.

bringbacksideburns · 08/03/2021 19:23

Is that all he said about him? Commented on his hair?

Did he say he looked like you? Did he comment positively at all on any of the other photos he's seen?
Has he children of his own?

If it was a throwaway jokey comment amongst positive ones then I'd pull him up on it and tell him he's rude but if that's all he said I wouldn't be introducing him, no..

TheWaif · 08/03/2021 19:24

What did you say to him when you think you may have over reacted? And what did he say in his defence?

Original poster
Jeanna65 · 08/03/2021 19:25

We talked and he said he didn’t mean it that way and that he thought he wouldn’t want to see himself with long hair - that’s allHmm

OP posts:
Deathgrip · 08/03/2021 19:27

Do not introduce him to your child. If you want a longterm relationship, partner, someone to be in your child’s life, this is not the man. You will bitterly regret it if you involve him with your child - he’s just made it clear what sort of man he is, and the fact that you’re upset shows that you’re too good a mother to put this relationship before your son’s feelings.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 08/03/2021 19:30

@Jeanna65

We talked and he said he didn’t mean it that way and that he thought he wouldn’t want to see himself with long hair - that’s allHmm
Oh, right, so he'd HATE somebody to think he wasn't anything other than a big, manly MAN.

And hates the idea of a little boy being anything other than masculine to the extent that he criticises how you bring up your child (at a time when hairdressers are closed in any case) in terms of what other people will think. Before he's even met the child.

Yeah, he's backtracking now. He's realised you might have twigged just how toxic he will be to a child.

Bin bin bin bin bin bin bin bin bin bin.

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 08/03/2021 19:30

You’ve only been together 5 minutes, so I wouldn’t be introducing him to your child even if he was great. But he sounds like a twat that you need to get rid of. He’ll be very damaging to your child.

Joeblack066 · 08/03/2021 19:30

My late ex DH2 used to ‘joke’ about DS2s style- it wasn’t a joke.

Eckhart · 08/03/2021 19:34

@Jeanna65

We talked and he said he didn’t mean it that way and that he thought he wouldn’t want to see himself with long hair - that’s allHmm
You weren't satisfied then, but you just left it at that?
toobusytothink · 08/03/2021 19:36

Sounds as though he didn’t know what to say do made a failed joke to me. But either way I would assume he’s not that interested and maybe a bit uncomfortable about you having a kid etc. I certainly wouldn’t be introducing him soon (too early anyway) but not sure it’s a dumpable offence either

GameSetMatch · 08/03/2021 19:39

Definitely don’t introduce him to your son, he’s not the type of person he needs to be around. Personally I’d rather be single than end up with a man like that!

Happycat1212 · 08/03/2021 19:43

People are so sensitive on here; I have a son with long hair and I wouldn’t have been offended, sounds like it was a joke that went wrong. And since when is 7/8 months too early to introduce someone? Isn’t the suggested time normally 6 months?

Sidesaladofchips · 08/03/2021 19:43

Remember it's your own DS's interests you need to protect first and foremost. You've decided this man is good enough for you but is he good enough to be around your DS? I know that sounds harsh but it's true. Pick very carefully who passes that test and who doesn't. This guy sounds like he goes in the latter box.

StopSearching · 08/03/2021 19:47

@Jeanna65

We talked and he said he didn’t mean it that way and that he thought he wouldn’t want to see himself with long hair - that’s allHmm
That's implying that he thinks there's something wrong with long hair on a boy. Which means he has sexist stereotypes ingrained in him. Which means you could have a terrible future. Better to learn now. For me, it would be byeeee