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Relationships

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Original poster

Boyfriend picture comment about my child

44 replies

Jeanna65 · 08/03/2021 18:57

So I’ve been dating this guy for 7/8 months and already thinking about introducing my child (he is 3). He saw picture of him before. Today I sent him picture of my son and his reaction was that he would be mad as adult with childhood pics with “pulling girly looking hair like that”. My son has a long hair. I got mad and not sure if I overreact it . Btw it was in the middle of conversation about people putting pics of their kids on the internet. So maybe he was just in judgemental mode. But I’m upset and not sure I should be introducing my son after this comment. Am I overreacting? I just expected “cute” or something - not really an insult

OP posts:

Sidesaladofchips · 08/03/2021 19:48

@Happycat1212

People are so sensitive on here; I have a son with long hair and I wouldn’t have been offended, sounds like it was a joke that went wrong. And since when is 7/8 months too early to introduce someone? Isn’t the suggested time normally 6 months?

No I'd say 7/8 months is a mere fart in relationship timescale especially during lockdown. I have cheese in my fridge older than this.

Eckhart · 08/03/2021 19:54

@Happycat1212

Do people have to have the same level of sensitivity, then?

Most people on the thread disagree with you, and yet oddly you still sound like you think you are 'right', as if there's a 'right' level of sensitivity.

'Too early' is usually decided with regard to the readiness of the child and the relationship, rather than a specific time.

ZooKeeper19 · 08/03/2021 19:56

@Jeanna65 it's difficult, my DH was talking about cutting our son's hair for ages (son is 15m). I kept telling him not to touch the baby (but in a nice way). I liked the hair and did not bother me (but yes, it was long).

I came home on Sunday and he just took scissors and chopped it off (decent job though!). I was not sure how I felt, he did not ask me, and he kept saying that the baby looks like a girl and he has had a few sexist comments in general but I keep being nice and trying to educate him, saying that whatever the baby likes, he can have, pink, blue, purple or otherwise, all up to him and making sure that DH gets the message not to upset me and the baby with his learned bigotry. DH is a nice and smart man, just sadly a little bit uneducated in this area due to his parents.

I am not sure about the guy you are seeing, he may be this or that, but if you like him enough, try and have a honest convo about what he would say if his son decided he wants long hair and purple tennis shoes, His reaction will tell you a lot. Take it from there then.

Happycat1212 · 08/03/2021 19:57

Well MN is known for throwing LTB around at every opportunity, your partner could forget to put the loo seat down and you would be told to LTB

FTEngineerM · 08/03/2021 20:01

Cute he thinks it’s his place to say what hairstyle your son has I’d grow it as long as fucking possible just to prove a point. But I’m stubborn and that’s not a healthy trait.

LaceyBetty · 08/03/2021 20:09

Don't waste anymore time with this man. Who says that (even if you're thinking it) the first time you see your girlfriend's child!!! He's so showing you who he is and you so need to listen and believe him.

TheVolturi · 08/03/2021 20:10

Dump him! If he's already making nasty little jibes before he's even met him, it's not looking good.

Dillybear · 08/03/2021 20:10

@Happycat1212

I think 7-8 months is way too soon into a relationship to introduce a man to your child, and six months is even worse! How well can you really know anyone in that time?

Reinventinganna · 08/03/2021 20:10

Bin him.

Eviethyme · 08/03/2021 20:14

my sons got long hair and is 2 year old so i would be mad .. nothing wrong with men having long hair :S

TheWaif · 08/03/2021 20:15

Oh the competitive 'I would never introduce someone to my child for 50 years' is so fucking boring and ridiculous.

Original poster

Jeanna65 · 08/03/2021 20:31

So I just asked him how he actually feels about me being a mum and he said “ I doesn’t bother me I am dating you am I?” Well that enthusiastic. Is that a normal Answer?

OP posts:

SunnySideDownBriefly · 08/03/2021 20:51

He comes across as not very emotionally intelligent. Is that what you want? You won't be able to change him.

LaceyBetty · 08/03/2021 20:54

I agree with @SunnySideDownBriefly

It doesn't sound like he's someone you want around your child. I don't agree with posters saying your shouldn't ever introduce your child to a new man, but he doesn't sound like someone worthy of being in your boys life

StopSearching · 08/03/2021 20:56

@Jeanna65

So I just asked him how he actually feels about me being a mum and he said “ I doesn’t bother me I am dating you am I?” Well that enthusiastic. Is that a normal Answer?

For a misogynist, yes.

Sidesaladofchips · 08/03/2021 21:18

@TheWaif

Oh the competitive 'I would never introduce someone to my child for 50 years' is so fucking boring and ridiculous.

Wow if exercising a bit of caution about when to introduce a new partner to your kids is "so fucking boring and ridiculous", then I really hope you don't have kids...

johnd2 · 08/03/2021 21:26

Oh dear people are forgetting that unconscious bias is part of the human mind and every single person has it. Add on top of that a lifetime of stereo types and biased messages from the media, family, friends, there's no hope of avoiding any biased comments.
Until you're aware of bias you wouldn't really think anything of it.
Sounds like he's led a sheltered life and you need to tell it to him straight how you feel about t and your concerns for your child, if he takes it on board great but if he refuses to listen then you have a problem as he doesn't care how you feel.
I pick people relatively often on inadvertent sexist or similar comments and they just come out of everyone without thinking. Some more than others though.
Good luck.

TheWaif · 08/03/2021 22:21

It's the competitive nature of the posts on Mumsnet that are boring, not exercising caution. It's a badge of honour to see who can post the longest amount of time they'd wait in every thread it's vaguely relevant.

billy1966 · 08/03/2021 23:34

Raise your bar OP.
He's no prize.

He sounds dim.

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