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Original poster

Bf doesn’t want sex

53 replies

DoBeesEatPizza · 06/03/2021 23:06

Thoughts please:
Been together 10 months. Both mid-30s. We get on really well, have similar views on things and aims in life. But we haven’t had sex in 5 months. About 6 weeks ago, I talked to him about it and he said he hadn’t realised. Since then, nothing has changed. I’m getting a bit fed up and feeling unwanted. He’s happy enough for me to “lend a hand” when he asks but never reciprocates, and is happy to have a cheeky wank when I’m downstairs. I’ve given up initiating now because he either falls asleep or just ignores me. And I don’t want to be a sex pest.

This is dead, isn’t it?

OP posts:
category12 · 06/03/2021 23:55

At 10 months in, you should really be at it like rabbits. This is as good as it gets.

Dump.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 06/03/2021 23:57

It won't get any better. Best to cut your losses now.

LouiseTrees · 07/03/2021 00:02

Is he depressed, lazy or just really not in to you that much. That’s your options.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/03/2021 00:04

Dead and over. Don't waste another day.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/03/2021 00:10

He hadn’t realised? How much were you doing it before you stopped?

Sounds very weird. Porn?

Whatever the reason, I’d bin it off. If you want your life to include a sexual relationship you’ll need to find someone else.

honeysuckle21 · 07/03/2021 00:16

Yep end it, after 10 months you should still be very sexually active. He's lazy/not into you don't put up with it. None for 5 months ! Half the time you've been together.
My ex bf only wanted it once a week and I thought that was bad being a fairly new relationship.
You're bf is pretty much just a friend so don't feel bad for ending it.

B1rdflyinghigh · 07/03/2021 00:29

Move on. Any man in their 30's should be itching and scratching for sex!

vimtosogood · 07/03/2021 00:35

People's sex drives vary. Nobody's wrong but some will be incompatible with each other.

RandomMess · 07/03/2021 00:40

So it stopped after 5 months, yep don't waste your time!

Sakurami · 07/03/2021 00:43

5 months in and both so young. Something isn't right. I would move on.

OldWomanSaysThis · 07/03/2021 00:43

If you stopped at month 5, when did you start having sex? Month 1 or 2 - and so you were only sexually active for a couple of months total?

CandyLeBonBon · 07/03/2021 00:44

If it's a problem for you, it's a problem.

Borntohula · 07/03/2021 00:53

A guy posted the other day that his gf had gone off sex and was pretty much flamed and advised that he had done something to put her off so I'm interested to see the responses here...

Fabiofatshaft1 · 07/03/2021 01:00

There may be a case for discussion, that if you were a man, you’d probably be labelled as a ‘ sex pest ‘

You want it more than once in sex months !?

Gasp

Wink

theleafandnotthetree · 07/03/2021 01:11

Oh for goodness sake, why with this short a relationship and no ties would you be doing anything other than moving on. There is no good answer to the question 'why arent we having sex, ever' at this age and stage of the relationship. Even if it were stress, depression or something like that, not to sound awful but that is not something that you necessarily want to sign up for willingly is it?

tava63 · 07/03/2021 01:22

The fact he said he "hadn't realised" indicates you will never have the intimate nature you want - even worse the incompatability between you both makes you feel bad about yourself. His dishonesty with you means he probably won't accept this as a reason for a break up because he is dishonest with himself. Be strong.

Onthedunes · 07/03/2021 01:34

Does this work for you? No sex

Sounds not, I'd move on he clearly is not intimately available enough for you.

LalalalalalaLand123 · 07/03/2021 01:46

10 months! And no sex for 5 months!? Move on asap OP. That is shocking.

Dtoilel · 07/03/2021 01:48

Are you young?

Sunflower1970 · 07/03/2021 01:49

Sounds like he does have a sex drive just not with you. Dump and move on

Original poster
DoBeesEatPizza · 07/03/2021 09:01

Thanks folks. You’ve all said what I’ve been thinking. Time for a difficult conversation.

OP posts:
MiniTheMinx · 07/03/2021 09:28

I wouldn't even bother with a conversation.

category12 · 07/03/2021 10:24

What's the conversation going to be?

Original poster
DoBeesEatPizza · 07/03/2021 11:00

@category12

What's the conversation going to be?
No idea yet. I’ll bring up the issues and see where it goes, while being prepared for this to be the end.
OP posts:
category12 · 07/03/2021 11:02

So if he says "I'll try to shag you more often" (or similar) you're prepared to stick around and see if he does?