If marriage doesn’t happen should you give the engagement ring back?

[Fightingback16]

The thread title really.

Would you keep the ring and would you give it back if they asked for it back?

Why would you want to keep it?

Being money-grubbing is not a trait to be proud of.

Oh, do be quiet. It was worth £60 from Argos!

Absolutely not (unless it was a family piece). It has been given to you and chosen for you as a gift. I think any man who would take it back is lacking in dignity also!

You should always give back a family ring (regardless of the legalities)

The person breaking the engagement should not expect to keep the ring (or get the ring back). Legally, in nearly all circumstances, the recipient can keep it. But I think it's morally right to offer it back

I was engaged in my mid twenties and returned the ring. I broke it off but he agreed it was the right thing to do and there was no acrimony. He gave the ring to his new fiancée They didn't get married either. I do occasionally wonder where that ring ended up!

Legally, if the ex took you to court, you would need to return it. All gifts are allowed to be kept by the recipient except engagement rings for a wedding that doesn't go ahead. I learned this in A Level law and never forgot it

If you learned that in England after 1971 you were taught incorrectly I'm afraid. Under English law, a ring is presumed to be an absolute gift and therefore freely given. That presumption can be rebutted if there is evidence that it was given on the condition that it would be returned if the wedding doesn't happen, but unless that can be demonstrated, a ring is the property of the recipient.

Engagement rings are expressly covered in s3(2) of the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970.

I sold my engagement ring when I left my ex-husband as I needed to pay for my divorce solicitor! Explained this to the judge who didn't bat an eyelid.

so what happens if your DP gave you the ring 10+ years ago and has no intention of marrying you (but you are both happy to cohabit and raise DC etc) - do you give it back or simply be engaged for the rest of your life? Not me btw

A friend of mine told his ex-fiancé to keep her ring after they separated. Told her it would serve as a reminder as to how much she had fucked up - she cheated on him with a bloke who then spent the majority of their relationship cheating on her

If he has cost me financially, emotionally, physically
I'm keeping it.

@Aussiebean

According to Judge Judy, an engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage.

If that marriage doesn’t happen it is given back.

Judge Judy is American, and American law is different.

In the UK, the engagement ring is considered a gift, and you don't have to give it back if you don't want to. The only exception I've found is if there was a specific agreement to hand the ring back if the marriage doesn't take place.

It was originally meant to be a ring of a certain value, so as to compensate the woman if the marriage didn't go ahead for some reason. Especially as in times gone by, women found it harder to find a husband if they had previously been engaged to be married.

I think it would be right to return a family heirloom. I think it's clear that a family ring is not an absolute gift but given in the expectation that the couple will definitely get married and the ring will stay in the family.
Otherwise, I think it should depend on who is in the 'wrong'.

My engagement ring looks nothing like an engagement ring in that it's completely non-traditional. I didn't want to be the same as everyone else.
He wants to get married and is keener than I am. We have a daughter together and hsve both been married before so I don't see the urgency at all.
He wouldn't want it back if we separated. His first wife still has her engagement ring from him. She is also engaged to a new partner.

@Wanderlusto

As op said, it's a conditional gift so if there was legal despute, no matter who called things off or why, the ring belongs to the person who bought it.

That being said, if he is a dirty cheating rat or something then I'd totally keep it if I thought he wouldnt bug me for it back.

This isn’t true.

In the law of England and Wales, there exists a rebuttable presumption that the ring is an absolute gift.

The rebuttal would have to be that the receiver agreed at the time of the proposal to return the ring if the wedding didn’t go ahead, and how often does that happen?

The law in the US is different though I believe, where the ring is a conditional gift and should be returned to the buyer if the wedding is called off for any reason.

Personally, if I called the wedding off, I’d give it back. If he called it off, I’d only give it back if it were a family heirloom.

X post there @TurquoiseDragon

Depends how big the diamond is !!

I'm forever amazed about what I learn on here. Thanks Green and Turquoise

Under Scottish Law an engagement ring is deemed as a gift and the recipient is the owner of it upon receipt.
They are not required to return it if the wedding doesn’t go ahead .
I have 3 engagement rings 😩( don’t ask 🙄)

I left him. I gave the ring back.

I want to hear more about OP's situation?

I guess if he was specifically asking for it back I would return it.

Haha well my situation was my husband was abusive (posted lots on here) I decided to finally leave him after he threatened to take me out. He told me to give the ring back which I did or else he’d rip my fingers off.....so extreme really.

I had bought him a gift in return same price at the time. My ring went up in value. He was ordered in court to return the ring and I was going to sell to re-furnish the house which he removed all the furniture from. Doesn’t matter as he never gave it back and I won’t pursue but just wondered what the done thing was.

My ex as soon as he realised I was serious about leaving just instantly wanted it back after 10 years of having it.