If marriage doesn’t happen should you give the engagement ring back?

[Fightingback16]

The thread title really.

Would you keep the ring and would you give it back if they asked for it back?

I'm engaged and initially wanted to marry (again) but circumstances have meant I've changed my mind. At least for the time being. I'm still wearing the ring and we are still together.

“I would return the ring no matter who paid for it. If I kept it, the ring would be a continuing reminder of a regret or sadness.”

For me this nails it. I wouldn’t want to keep an engagement ring that didn’t lead to marriage.

I broke off an engagement and i gave the ring back. Felt like the right thing to do.

I never gave it back and I ended the relationship. I probably did offer him it though and he said to keep it.

Legally, if the ex took you to court, you would need to return it. All gifts are allowed to be kept by the recipient except engagement rings for a wedding that doesn't go ahead. I learned this in A Level law and never forgot it

@SmeleanorSmellstrop Indeed. But his solicitor/barrister and court fees would probably end up costing more than the ring! 😁

I'm pretty sure you have to give it back.

Can't they take you court over it? I believe it's a conditional gift.

I would return the ring no matter who paid for it

huh

I kept mine, not purposely it kind of just happened. I’d not been wearing it for a few months anyway because things had gotten really bad in his abuse of me and when I finally left him I just forgot all about it. And then I didn’t want to offer to return it later down the line because I knew that would fuel his narc self and open the floodgates of ‘let’s get back together’ when he’d only just started to leave me alone. If he ever asks for it back he can have it, I never liked it anyway

Yes you should, irrespective of who called it off.

I kept mine, it's still in the top of my wardrobe 23 years later. I'd bought him a ring too, coz he was a big stupid jealous tosser who couldn't bear the fact he bought me something but didn't get anything in return even though I didn't even want the bloody thing in the first place. It's simulated anyway, cheap prick.

According to Judge Judy, an engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage.

If that marriage doesn’t happen it is given back.

I know a guy who spent over £10k on a ring and never got it back. He even asked for it back and she said no. After they got engaged it was quite clear she was money hungry and wanted everything on her terms (so much so she asked for the house to be in her name if they got married - HER NAME ONLY). He eventually saw sense and when he asked for the ring back she refused and said he gave it to her so it is hers. Personally I wouldn't be able to live with that, but each to their own.

Yes you should give the ring back And engagement ring is given as an offer of marriage and accepted as an agreement to marry. If you break that contract it should be returned. Not sure if it's legally enforceable in a small claims court, but I suspect it is. It's not a simple gift.

@CaffineismyBFF

I know a guy who spent over £10k on a ring and never got it back. He even asked for it back and she said no. After they got engaged it was quite clear she was money hungry and wanted everything on her terms (so much so she asked for the house to be in her name if they got married - HER NAME ONLY). He eventually saw sense and when he asked for the ring back she refused and said he gave it to her so it is hers. Personally I wouldn't be able to live with that, but each to their own.

Something somewhat similar happened to one of my brothers. He spent thousands — more than 10 I believe — on a ring, then found out his fiancée was sleeping with her boss. Called wedding off, broke up etc. He expected her to return the ring. She didn’t. He then asked for it back. She refused. She claimed he’d given it to her, it belonged to her etc.

At that point he decided that the dignified thing to do was just to back off and let her have it.

I kept a ring from a broken engagement, I sold it 25 years later and gave the money to charity. It was an acrimonious split and we just didn’t speak to each other again and I just sort of forgot about it. I sold it back to the jeweller who made it as we had designed it together on a visit back to my home town.

But how do you prove an engagement ring was given as an engagement ring rather than just a ring? What else could you claim was a conditional gift?

I think personally If he does something wrong like cheats or steals my money or something I'd keep it. If I do something wrong or the engagement ends mutually then I'd give it back.

@butterfly990

In the words of Za Za Gabor. "Darlings always give back the ring, but keep the stone"

I like that

I’d give it back, can’t think why I’d want to keep it if the relationship had failed.

If you end it the ring is returned. If he does, it isn’t.

@Aussiebean

According to Judge Judy, an engagement ring is given in contemplation of marriage.

If that marriage doesn’t happen it is given back.

I was just about to mention Judge Judy. You beat me to it. Ha ha

But how do you prove an engagement ring was given as an engagement ring rather than just a ring?

There's generally a proposal and announcement to family & friends. Plus, engagement rings look like engagement rings, really, don't they?

Yes, the ring should be returned.

@autumnalrain

I think giving the ring back is the right thing to do imo. I’ve heard in the US it’s illegal to keep it because they see it as a contract to marry.

This is incorrect.

@sunflowersandbuttercups

I kept it.

He lied to me about still being married to someone who he also had children with (that I didn't know existed)

Like fuck was he getting it back

Why would you want to keep it?

Being money-grubbing is not a trait to be proud of.