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Original poster

Is this cheating will he ever change

38 replies

PixiePiex · 05/03/2021 00:19

Hi all

My dp has been caught again texting a girl and not just general chit chat I'm sure you get what I mean.

Is this cheating can we come back from this it's not been the first time my trust is broken and as is my heart

All advice welcome

OP posts:
Jesskir89 · 05/03/2021 00:48

Hi op, hope you're ok. Only you know if you can come back from this but if its happened before,prepare for it to happen again x

MsPavlichenko · 05/03/2021 00:52

Yes. And no. Cut your losses.

seensome · 05/03/2021 00:55

No he won't change, you've given him a chance and he's ruined it. Forgive him again then he knows you're a doormat.

NotAgainNoMore · 05/03/2021 01:06

Was it the same girl? Not that it makes much difference but is there some kind of history with them? Do you know for sure it hasn't gone any further?
What happened after the first time? Did you spell it out to him that it was totally inappropriate and what was his reaction?

DeeCeeCherry · 05/03/2021 01:12

You know it's cheating. & He may well change in years to come - but for someone else, not you.

He's already showing you he doesn't see you as "the one", or even as worthy of respect. Whether you waste further days of your life on a man who is actively seeking out other women is up to you, of course.

Closetbeanmuncher · 05/03/2021 01:13

Know your worth and cut him off.

Sisterlove · 05/03/2021 03:10

Is it acceptable behaviour to you? It doesn't really matter if you define it as cheating, most people would say this isn't acceptable for their OH to do.

He's done it once. You stayed with him. He doesn't think it's a dealbreaker...he will simply continue if you stay.

Monty27 · 05/03/2021 03:13

OP he's not worthy of a jury. Just dump his sorry ass.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/03/2021 03:16

How many more times do you want to deal with this bullshit? Of course he's cheating, and he clearly has no respect for you.

Raise your standards.

MsDogLady · 05/03/2021 04:52

Pixie, I am sorry for your pain. Yes, sexting is cheating. Your P is a weak, selfish man who values sleazy online sex. He has repeatedly proven that he has no integrity, and he is not going to change.

You know that you deserve respect and loyalty. Walk away from this toxic man. A life with him will diminish you beyond recognition.

Katiekins1234 · 05/03/2021 11:29

If you made it clear how hurt you were the first time, and tried hard to forgive and forget it's unforgivable for him to do it again. Sorry x

YoniAndGuy · 05/03/2021 11:36

Can 'we' come back from this - who's 'we'?

Because it's certainly not him, is it? He's showing you loud and clear he's not part of your team. He's not your loyal partner.

There IS no 'we'. There's you. And then there's a bloke scamming you into thinking he's your partner, while treating you like a disposable piece of shit. Presumably because he likes the side benefits of being 'in a relationship'.

Dump!!!!

Anordinarymum · 05/03/2021 11:48

No. Get him out of your life now as it will carry on and you will regret staying with him.

peak2021 · 05/03/2021 13:15

Very very unlikely. Think of examples of people in public life who are cheaters- go back in time to David Lloyd George, nowadays think of Ryan Giggs (in his 40s) and Boris Johnson (in his 50s).

Less pain to end the relationship now than be let down continually.

HeatherShimmerIsMyShade · 05/03/2021 13:21

@PixiePiex

Hi all

My dp has been caught again texting a girl and not just general chit chat I'm sure you get what I mean.

Is this cheating can we come back from this it's not been the first time my trust is broken and as is my heart

All advice welcome

This is definitely cheating. The fact that you say again suggests that no, he won't change. IMO once you lose trust for your partner, the relationship is over; because even if he lives like a saint from now on -which he won't- you'll always be questioning everything he does and says, and that must be an exhausting way to live. 💐
Original poster
PixiePiex · 08/03/2021 23:37

Hi all thank you so much for your replies they have really helped me. There is so much involved we have a child together and are ment to be getting married everything is paid for.

The last time this happened we broke up and were apart for a year took a lot for us to get back together. Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
PixiePiex · 08/03/2021 23:39

No it's just some random girl he found on Facebook

OP posts:
Original poster
PixiePiex · 08/03/2021 23:40

@NotAgainNoMore

Was it the same girl? Not that it makes much difference but is there some kind of history with them? Do you know for sure it hasn't gone any further? What happened after the first time? Did you spell it out to him that it was totally inappropriate and what was his reaction?
No. It was some random girl on Facebook
OP posts:
foodiefil · 08/03/2021 23:42

@PixiePiex

Hi all thank you so much for your replies they have really helped me. There is so much involved we have a child together and are ment to be getting married everything is paid for.

The last time this happened we broke up and were apart for a year took a lot for us to get back together. Confused

Sorry but that was your chance to escape. Relationships that are worth it aren't this much hard work. You shouldn't have to her over this kind of behaviour to be happy in a relationship. He doesn't respect you. I'm sorry but whether you get married or not this relationship won't last and you will spend a long time unhappy.
Original poster
PixiePiex · 08/03/2021 23:44

@NotAgainNoMore

Was it the same girl? Not that it makes much difference but is there some kind of history with them? Do you know for sure it hasn't gone any further? What happened after the first time? Did you spell it out to him that it was totally inappropriate and what was his reaction?
Sorry I didn't answer all your questions

I know for sure it hasn't gone any further
The first time we broke up for about a year. I did tell him out straight that it was not on and extremely inappropriate. He was so upset and panicked and begged me not to leave him Confused

OP posts:
N4m3Change · 08/03/2021 23:46

You broke up, got back together, he’s done it again and your asking will he ever change??

Think you know the answer

Serenity45 · 08/03/2021 23:50

Yes it is cheating IMO and no it doesn't sound like he'll change. You've already given him a chance to do this and clearly a random on FB means more to him than your relationship. Don't let the fact your wedding is paid for colour your thinking OP he's taking the fucking piss!

foodiefil · 08/03/2021 23:50

"He was so upset and panicked and begged me not to leave him"

😐

This isn't love.

MsDogLady · 09/03/2021 05:22

Pixie, he didn’t learn a thing during your year apart. If he truly valued you and was grateful for his 2nd chance, he would have moved mountains to restore your trust. He wouldn’t have cheated again.

You would be extremely foolish to marry this weak loser.

category12 · 09/03/2021 06:38

Well, he is showing you a relationship pattern as he keeps doing the same thing. So it's whether you want to marry someone who will keep doing this. This is the life together you would have. You can take up your role in the pattern, or you can step out and dump him for good.

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