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Original poster

Male 25 y/o Here - Has my honeymoon period come to an end?

36 replies

Mindwanderer795 · 03/03/2021 17:25

Hi Mumsnetters,

This is my first time here, and I know mostly women use these forums so please go easy on me! Smile

I'm 25 year old male, and have been with my 25 year old female partner for the best part of 6 months. We have a great relationship on the whole, and I do really love her. We've spent a lot of time together, certainly due to lockdown as I have my own place, which has been lovely.

I would say I'm a very sexual person, love being 'naughty' (I really cringed writing that!) and most certainly love physical affection/attachment style. My girlfriend is also the same, we're super 'lovey dovey' with each other for the most part, and she tells me how much she loves me and cares for me.

BUT... I can't help but feel that things have somewhat start to feel a little less intense, or at least different over the past couple weeks. Sex isn't as frequent, we don't kiss as much, and there isn't much 'sex' talk anymore. (On her part may I add!) We haven't had any huge arguments or fallings out, and we get on well. I know she has been stressed due to work, and she suffers from terrible insomnia so is always tired.

I suppose you might think, well duh, no wonder its less if that's what's going on with her, but I guess I'm finding it hard to come to terms/reality that perhaps that initial 'excitement' era is coming to its end and the relationship is now evolving in other ways. I cant stop thinking about it especially as I know how much she loves sex and how good it was up to now. Maybe its just a blip due to work/stress/lack of sleep/etc? I don't really know.. It's too early to start bringing it up as I don't want her to think I'm pressuring her or making her feel uncomfortable!

She used to be always in the 'mood' and we couldn't get enough of each-other, we'd have sex or at least mess around at most opportunities but now it seems few and far between. This also makes me question her attraction to me. (I don't want to sound like I'm self pittying or a man crying because he's not having sex with his girlfriend I'm just genuinely trying to understand what's going on)

What do people suggest? Perhaps give it a couple more weeks and see if anything changes before raising it?

Thanks for reading!

OP posts:
Outbutnotoutout · 03/03/2021 18:03

Talk to her

She has said she is stressed and tired, so just love her for a bit. Run her a bath, give her a massage, rub her feet, but don't put pressure on her for sex.

Once she is sleeping better and less stressed, things will improve.

I have to ask though, if you are so concerned about lack of sex after a few weeks, what will you be like if you have ababy together and she perhaps stops wanting sex for a.few months or after the baby is born?

PetalPath · 03/03/2021 18:13

You should be supporting her during her difficult time, rather than obsessing about getting your rocks off. Don’t be so selfish and insensitive.

Simply put, grow up!

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/03/2021 18:18

It sounds like you both pushed everything into the fast lane too quickly: calling her a partner, being “super lovey dovey” and all the I Love You stuff, spending loads of time together at your place - all at a stage when really you should still be dating and getting to know each other gradually. When things move so fast, they also often tend to fizzle out as one of the other gets a bit bored.

She may just be tired and stressed, in which case, lay off any mention of sex or hinting about “naughtiness” (a word which when used to refer to sex makes my vagina want to curl up and die, btw) and focus on things to relax and chill. If nothing changes, it’s time for the “where are we going, shall we just be friends” talk. It seems unkind to say that this sounds like the beginning of the end; but honestly, it does.

Anotheruser02 · 03/03/2021 18:20

That's a bit harsh Petal, I don't think he suggested he wasn't supportive of her.
I read on here OP that men are more likely to use sex to relax and women need to be relaxed to want sex. Maybe the initial excitement is calming a bit, but that doesn't mean your relationship will no longer be sexually fulfilling. It's good she doesn't feel under pressure to please you when she doesn't feel like it because you know that when you have it she is into it.

CatherineofOnandon · 03/03/2021 18:32

"I would say I'm a very sexual person, love being 'naughty' (I really cringed writing that!) "

I am female and i "really cringed at reading that. I wouldn't not want you as my boyfriend.

"BUT... I can't help but feel that things have somewhat start to feel a little less intense, or at least different over the past couple weeks. Sex isn't as frequent, we don't kiss as much, and there isn't much 'sex' talk anymore. (On her part may I add!) "

Just leave her alone. She is not comfortable with you. Jog on son!

CatherineofOnandon · 03/03/2021 18:35

"She used to be always in the 'mood' and we couldn't get enough of each-other, we'd have sex or at least mess around at most opportunities but now it seems few and far between. This also makes me question her attraction to me"

Something has put her off. Leave her alone.

Borntohula · 03/03/2021 18:40

Hmm is that you bf? If so I declined the other day because you were doing my head in!

In seriousness, you're worried after a couple of weeks? When she's stressed? Why not just actually have the conversation with her?

Wanderlusto · 03/03/2021 18:55

Do you think it was too steamroller early on and now its fizzled out?

You talk about being love...6 months in. Isn't it a little soon for the L word, when you think about it? It's very early days.

I suspect she is just tired but...that doesn't mean things will go back to the way things were before.
Relationships change and evolve over time.

AnyFucker · 03/03/2021 18:58

You sound boring. One track minds are very limited.

CatherineofOnandon · 03/03/2021 19:00

"We haven't had any huge arguments or fallings out, and we get on well. I know she has been stressed due to work, and she suffers from terrible insomnia so is always tired. I suppose you might think, well duh, no wonder its less if that's what's going on with her, but I guess I'm finding it hard to come to terms/reality that perhaps that initial 'excitement' era is coming to its end and the relationship is now evolving in other ways"

Perhaps your "naughty" has unsettled her? Your idea of "naughty " and hers may be different?

You have only been together 6 mins , 6 mths. Maybe she has explored this relationship and realised it-is not for her. She does not want to have intimacy with you at this time. Resect and honour her choices.

You are posting here effectively asking what you can do to conjole her into reinstating sex with you.

Respect her choices and back off.

RosieGuacamosie · 03/03/2021 19:00

I would say I'm a very sexual person, love being 'naughty' (I really cringed writing that!) and most certainly love physical affection/attachment style.

Does being “naughty” 🤢 involve her trussing up in stockings and suspenders or other cliche “naughty” things enjoyed by Keith from accounts?

I ask because maybe the novelty has worn off for her.

crystalcherry87 · 03/03/2021 19:02

@PetalPath

You should be supporting her during her difficult time, rather than obsessing about getting your rocks off. Don’t be so selfish and insensitive.

Simply put, grow up!

I think this is a bit harsh. He's noticed something has changed and maybe it is that she's tired and stressed but maybe there's more to it. If things are dead in the water after 6 months and you're both only 25, it might be the beginning of the end. But talking to her is the key. It all depends on the reason behind it.
CatherineofOnandon · 03/03/2021 19:06

"@crystalcherry87 I think this is a bit harsh. He's noticed something has changed "

Damn right something has changed. The OP's girlfriend has seen something that has unsettled her. She has cooled it off.

CatherineofOnandon · 03/03/2021 19:15

@crystalcherry87 did you see see Op's post. Where he said "I would say I'm a very sexual person, love being 'naughty' (I really cringed writing that!)"

We all cringed at that. What kind of "naughty" did Op's GF finally draw a line?

CatherineofOnandon · 03/03/2021 19:17

@Mindwanderer795 what are your thoughts?

itwasaluckybuyonxxxebay · 03/03/2021 19:58

Dude, at this age particularly you're both auditioning people for the role of wife/husband basically.
When you settle down with someone, you both want to be feelling like you are the one who lucked in and punched above your weight.
You want to find someone so wonderful (in your eyes) that you can weather the inevitable buffeting of life's storms. Work stress. Weight gain. Hair loss. Money worries. Illness. Bereavement.

It's not wrong per se for you to feel as you do. This process relies on you being true to yourself.

But what I am saying is the fact that you feel this way suggests that maybe the two of you are not meant to be, long-term.
If, for instance, you'd described exactly the same circumstances (you love sex + at the start you were doing it like bunnies + now she's got a lot on and there's less action) but your question had been,
"I do like sex but want to know, does this mean she doesn't love me any more?"
Then it would be different...

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 03/03/2021 19:59

Creepy and pesty , I cringed too just reading it. . I think the GF has got The Ick. Naughty 😂

nellyii · 03/03/2021 20:29

I think you need to relax yes we all want sex but maybe you should make it more about the journey and not the destination?
Have a laugh , take the pressure off and stop being so letchy.

SparklingLime · 03/03/2021 20:42

I don't want to sound like I'm self pittying or a man crying because he's not having sex with his girlfriend...

And yet, that’s exactly what you are.

... there isn't much 'sex' talk anymore. (On her part may I add!)

You sound like a 60-something year old bloke from the 1970s. Do you talk about sex to her in such an odd way?

CatherineofOnandon · 03/03/2021 20:59

@itwasaluckybuyonxxxebay you lost me at "dude" ,"bunnies"
and "action".

SarahBellam · 03/03/2021 21:35

Sounds like she’s got the ick.

StephenBelafonte · 03/03/2021 21:38

You write like a woman.

FolkyFoxFace · 03/03/2021 21:39

Cringe.

Leave her alone. I've got a 25 year old brother who is married with a baby on the way. I can assure you that if he spoke about sex and intimacy the way you do, his wife would have walked away laughing.

I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone who spoke about/thought about sex in the way you do. Yuck.

Bilingualspingual · 03/03/2021 21:42

Apparently women get a rise in testosterone when they meet a new partner, which gradually fades and they settle back down to their normal hormone levels. This does explain why men don’t understand why their female partners were so into sex and then seem to lose interest a bit. They’re just reverting back to their normal sex drive.

yaboo · 03/03/2021 23:03

invite her 'round, cook her a delicious meal, make her favourite pudding, then run her a bath, with candles and bubbles, and then... let her go to sleep. Clean sheets, dimly lit room, and say... "I know you've been well stressed recently babe so I thought I'd treat you. I'm sleeping on the sofa - there's a film I want to watch, so... enjoy your rest". And leave her alone. In the morning, when she wakes up, cook her breakfast, make her coffee, (for extra points, get up early and make her a lunch she can take with her), and maybe give her a hug before she goes to work.

simples.

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