Male 25 y/o Here - Has my honeymoon period come to an end?

[Mindwanderer795]

Hi Mumsnetters,

This is my first time here, and I know mostly women use these forums so please go easy on me!

I'm 25 year old male, and have been with my 25 year old female partner for the best part of 6 months. We have a great relationship on the whole, and I do really love her. We've spent a lot of time together, certainly due to lockdown as I have my own place, which has been lovely.

I would say I'm a very sexual person, love being 'naughty' (I really cringed writing that!) and most certainly love physical affection/attachment style. My girlfriend is also the same, we're super 'lovey dovey' with each other for the most part, and she tells me how much she loves me and cares for me.

BUT... I can't help but feel that things have somewhat start to feel a little less intense, or at least different over the past couple weeks. Sex isn't as frequent, we don't kiss as much, and there isn't much 'sex' talk anymore. (On her part may I add!) We haven't had any huge arguments or fallings out, and we get on well. I know she has been stressed due to work, and she suffers from terrible insomnia so is always tired.

I suppose you might think, well duh, no wonder its less if that's what's going on with her, but I guess I'm finding it hard to come to terms/reality that perhaps that initial 'excitement' era is coming to its end and the relationship is now evolving in other ways. I cant stop thinking about it especially as I know how much she loves sex and how good it was up to now. Maybe its just a blip due to work/stress/lack of sleep/etc? I don't really know.. It's too early to start bringing it up as I don't want her to think I'm pressuring her or making her feel uncomfortable!

She used to be always in the 'mood' and we couldn't get enough of each-other, we'd have sex or at least mess around at most opportunities but now it seems few and far between. This also makes me question her attraction to me. (I don't want to sound like I'm self pittying or a man crying because he's not having sex with his girlfriend I'm just genuinely trying to understand what's going on)

What do people suggest? Perhaps give it a couple more weeks and see if anything changes before raising it?

Thanks for reading!

Oh god, I read the title and my first thought was 'he's going to moan about the lack of sex, or sex being less frequent than it was initially' and 'boom, there it was in the op'

Yes it's probably the honeymoon period wearing off, yes it's also that she's tired and stressed. Yes the novelty wears off. It's called life, deal with it.

Apart from work, sleeping and sex, do you do anything else as a couple?

I thought not. She is getting bored with that. Because that is not a future.

God you people are horrible.

OP, when you say less frequent, what are we talking? You're not together very long and you're both young, I think it's early days for things to have gone off the boil and for foot rubs to be replacing sex.

Sorry but welcome to the real world, exciting passion and sex is always at the start in the honeymoon period..then real life stresses and strains creep in & bang before you know it you would rather than rush to get your kit off, have 10 minutes of peace, cup of tea and some crap on tv is more appealing!

There is nothing to raise - you are right in that this is the initial period of the relationship moving into something different.

You have two choices - embrace the new relationship you are moving into based not just on sex and emotionally support your stressed insomiac girlfriend without pressuring her

Or you move on

Wow some people are really harsh!

Personally I’d just talk to her, she most probably wouldn’t have realised and will appreciate the fact you are close enough to have that kind of conversation.

It's winter, a lot of things not able to do, work pressures may have increased, tiredness gets worse probably if cold or wet weather. Time to be supportive and to talk, not to complain.

Wow people are really harsh!
OP, two weeks is not long, especially since you can see there's a clear reason for it. Care for her in other ways like PP said - rub feet, run bath, get her favourite wine, whatever she likes. Then when she's feeling less stressed, see if her sex drive returns.

If it doesn't are you happy to stay in the relationship long-term knowing that you'll have to compromise on the amount of sex you get, like almost every single other couple in the world? Do you love her enough?

I am lucky in that DH and I have roughly equivalent sex drives. There are times when I don't want it - currently in first trimester of pregnancy and he's not getting any because I am sick all day and night. He rubs my feet and my neck, fetches food from the shop which I suddenly have a need for, and hugs me. This is love, and I would do the same for him. If he got a medical condition meaning he couldn't have sex any more, I would not love him one single bit less.

Six months is early to decide if you have that kind of attachment to her, but if you think you might, or it might develop into that in the future, stick with her. She is worth less sex than you'd like.

I don't mean to be harsh but to give you some insight into why posters might have their backs up about this thread, almost every time (sweeping generalisation) a man posts on here it seems to be more or less the same. Best relationship ever, love my gf, we've always been really "naughty", that's started to slip a bit, yeah she's got X, Y and Z going on but I CAN'T COPE WITHOUT THE DIRTY TALK. You've answered your own question. She's got stuff going on. A more empathetic person would be more focused on that than a slight reduction in sex.

These threads always throw up questions of whether it's ok to have a really high sex drive and want that to be maintained throughout your relationship. Of course it is, if your partner is like minded. But yes, it is common and natural for things to calm down after a while. You could talk to her about your potentially differing sexual needs and desires, but honestly? It's only been a couple of weeks. It's going to put a lot of pressure on your relationship going forward if every time there's a short blip like that, you are going to panic about the sex. It is very likely that will become tiresome to her. I would just wait it out, focus on actually being empathetic towards her and being emotionally intimate, and she will probably naturally fancy having sex with you. It's fine to want a lot of sex but I do think you need to raise your tolerance for waiting, and not overanalyse so much.

[quote CatherineofOnandon]@crystalcherry87 did you see see Op's post. Where he said "I would say I'm a very sexual person, love being 'naughty' (I really cringed writing that!)"

We all cringed at that. What kind of "naughty" did Op's GF finally draw a line? [/quote]
Yes, the wording of it is cringy but so what. You all make out as though because a man likes sex he's a potential rapist or something. Sorry, but most people want a healthy sexual relationship. Lack of, suggests there may be a problem. I find nothing sinister about the OP, just by going off what he's said.

I don’t think the OP is “a potential rapist” but I think he’s young and inexperienced and possibly bad at reading the social cues his girlfriend might be trying to give him about what she would like. I really like sex. I have an open relationship and multiple sexual partners and have sex with at least one of my partners pretty much every day. To reiterate. I really like sex and have a high sex drive.

My sex drive would immediately shrivel if any of them were constantly trying to instigate “sexy talk” or wanted to talk about “being naughty” when we weren’t having sex and I wasn’t responding to it. Jesus Christ, I have a job and a life and other stuff going on, the last thing I want is some dollop in the background trying to make all day, every day about sex. This is, as someone else put it, the problem with lockdown: if you make your relationship immediately about little more than sex and sleeping, it’s likely one or the other of you is going to get bored very quickly, because neither of those things constitute a future to look forward to.

It isn’t “sinister”, but it is pretty boring. If the OP’s girlfriend has a lot of other stuff going on in her life, then her reaction sounds pretty normal: you can’t always get immediately warmed up by somebody who is very blatantly trying to ramp up the sex talk to get you into bed as soon as possible, when you just want to do something a bit more gradual. It doesn’t mean he should be expecting no sex at all and giving her foot rubs; it does mean that he needs to follow her lead that what may have worked in the very early days isn’t conducive to what will build a long term relationship.