I’ve been seeing a really lovely guy for a few months now. He’s the first man I’ve dated since my marriage ending a year ago, his wife left him about 5 years ago.
He’s been very open about the fact he was utterly heartbroken and blindsided when his wife left. He said he doesn’t think he’ll ever really get over it, not in terms of still being in love with her but in terms of the shock of realising someone wasn’t who you thought they were.
Anyway, we get on really well, have a great laugh and amazing sex. But there’s just been a couple of moments where it’s been a bit odd. Both times out on walks we’ve been chatting away and he’s suddenly gone really quiet. I’ve asked him what the matter is and he’s just said “give me a minute”. He’s then just been really quiet for a couple of minutes then said “sorry, that restaurant we just went past was where ex wife and I had our engagement party, I’d completely forgotten about it until then”. The other time was when we were walking along a seafront and the same happened when we walked past the bench where his ex wife started having contractions with their first child.
He’s then just gone back to being completely fine after a couple of minutes, no further mention of it and he’s back to his normal self. I remember similar happening to me shortly after my dad died, I walked past a restaurant that I remembered sitting outside with my dad and realising it would never happen again and it was just like being punched in the gut. But I just find him feeling the same kind of grief I did for my dad dying for his ex wife who is alive and well and living in the same town a bit much 5 years after they split up.
He’s had a couple of fairly long relationships since his ex wife so he’s obviously moved on to some degree. With my marriage it was a relatively amicable split that we both wanted so I’m possibly looking at it from the wrong angle.
Would this bother you? He doesn’t mention it or make a fuss but it’s obviously something that still really hurts years later and I’m not sure I want to end up getting myself hurt by falling in love with someone who is emotionally unavailable.