Partners ex given him an ultimatum about child.

[Teachermammy]

I've been with my partner 18 months now. He and his ex have a child together, same as me and my ex. I'm lucky enough that me and my ex gave co-parented well for the last 3 years.

My partners ex however makes life very difficult. Due to lots of different issues over the last year with her, which have escalated the last week, I ended up ringing the police and they have now started an investigation into harassment against her.

In the mean time she has told my partner he can only see his son if he takes him to his dads house. But that he isn't to stay overnight at our home with me there. I am no threat to the child, he loves coming. Police and social have both tried telling her I'm no threat but she has said that no police, judge or social worker can force her to send her son somewhere she doesn't think he is safe. I am a primary school teacher, with a 7 year old, never caused any harm to any child, no criminal record etc. Whereas she has an extensive criminal record for assault, her son was on a child protection plan with social because of situations she puts her son in up until recently.

Really I'm just looking for advice as to what my partner should do. Should he let her win and stop out every weekend at his dads just to see him? Or does he stand his ground and risk not seeing him until after they have been to court? (They were just in court in January and shes already broken the agreement so he's just applied for court again)

@ahsan
What odd comments, giving birth doesn’t automatically make you a good parent.
Plenty women in here can testify to living with horrendous abusive mothers.
I have personal experience of women who use their kids against their ex.

@ahsan

I remember some recent posts of yours on other threads being deleted and now on this one too. Maybe have a think about whether you're getting lots deleted because you're spewing vitriol at strangers and embarrassing yourself in the process. You sound so full of hate, I am sorry you're feeling that way and hope you can find a way to be less unhappy. Lashing out at posters on other people's threads probably isn't the best way.

Excuse me I just get how those mothers are feeling going though the same thing myself and I’m a fantastic mother. I think a women who’s carried a child for 9 months and given birth cared for that child even before that other women came along has a greater say to a women who has no idea what has happened think these women should just butt out and leave it to the parents that exactly understand the situation

And no I’ve deleted no tread as I haven’t made one for years so your wrong and no I’m not embarrassing myself you are. Don’t comment much on treads to be fair

Well that isn’t my experience Hermamny sorry that is yours though my mum died trying to please us it’s unfortunate you didn’t get the same I’m the same with my kids but don’t expect my exes partner to even get a say in our arrangements. It’s between me and my ex. That guy has a clear lack of boundaries and she’s clearly overstepped the mark to the stage where it’s got messy. Glad I don’t have to deal with that crap or I’d take my kids move to Scotland

It’s going to end wrong op get out while you can as you’ve overstepped the mark and your partner has no understanding of what boundaries are. Your all talking to each other fighting forget that dump him move on find someone who will set boundaries so your protected from all that crap

@ahsan

And no I’ve deleted no tread as I haven’t made one for years so your wrong and no I’m not embarrassing myself you are. Don’t comment much on treads to be fair

Posts deleted, not threads. You have. It really is you that's the issue! Let's not derail the thread too much though. Just be nice if you didn't spew such vitriol. Glad to see the horrible comments deleted 👍🏻

I would be in self preservation mode, 18 months is nothing you must have only met a few months before the pandemic. It's a bit odd that you have been with your partner 18 months and also have spent 18 months building a relationship with his Son that's very fast moving.

Now the ex is potentially damaging your career.

I don't usually say LTB but it's all quite intense and dramatic for a honeymoon period.

Only posting this because you insinuated I was lying and said I had embarrassed myself @ahsan

Deletions even this week. Bit awkward for you. As I say, worth reflecting on how you speak to people and finding a way to do it that doesn't break guidelines.

Apologies for derailing OP I just don't like posters who are upset like you being made to feel like shit.

I also think you should break up with your partner but managed to say it in a way that isn't vile.

I hope you can make the break for you and your little one to move forward.

I haven’t deleted posts don’t even know how your deluded mate

@ahsan

I haven’t deleted posts don’t even know how your deluded mate

No, look at the screengrab. Mumsnet did. Because they were nasty enough they broke guidelines. Mate.

You just fishing to find something negative to say as my words ring true goodnight

@ahsan

Women was sleeping with a man who had left his partner for her doubt anyone would have anything kind to say to her. Dumped his partner then slept with her straight away don’t need to explain myself to you doesn’t make me a bad person to let that person know that I dislike women like her and I only see two deleted posts from the same post

And two on this one... oh dear. You enjoy your evening 👋🏻

I defend single mothers going through tough situations of having to let their own babies see women and partners they don’t even know, the heartbreak and pain these women go though my exes wife makes my youngest call her mum she’s completely disrespectful and I see the same entitlement on these posts these women have no entitlement as one they didn’t give birth to them two they didn’t spend years raising them luckily my children choose me over my ex but come on give the single mothers a break try make friends they are not always the monsters

Enjoy your evening haven’t got time to sit there going though all your posts because I struck a cord. 😂got better things to do 😂 like sleep

Research me all night let me know what you find in the morning 😂

Nah, can't be arsed! As I said, enjoy your evening and I will enjoy mine 👍🏻

@Lbnc2021

I couldn’t be bothered with this, especially with my own child to consider. If she’s as bad as you say she is and a threat to my career I’d be walking away from this relationship. No man is worth this amount of crap.

I have to say, awful as it sounds, I think in 10 years time you will regret not walking away now.

I am so sorry, but I think you shoudl protect yourself and your son.

Where did you meet your DP? When he knew you had a child did he tell you he had a high conflict ex with an extensive criminal record? Did he tell you social services were concerned about her parenting? Why have you ended up in this situation? Did you enter it with the full facts? Or did he misrepresent the situation? Either way it is time to cut your losses and find somebody not in this toxic dynamic because it will impact your son and your happiness. You already have the police involved and it's only been 18 months. Maybe slow down next time and learn from this mistake.

The family court orders are in effect just pieces of paper with no weight ( unlike criminal court orders, ( I speak from personal experience,!! She sounds quite a catch and your partner should tread carefully its good she being investigated for harassment against you hopefully she will back off,??

CherryDocsInYrBalls
Where did you meet your DP? When he knew you had a child did he tell you he had a high conflict ex with an extensive criminal record? Did he tell you social services were concerned about her parenting? Why have you ended up in this situation? Did you enter it with the full facts? Or did he misrepresent the situation? Either way it is time to cut your losses and find somebody not in this toxic dynamic because it will impact your son and your happiness. You already have the police involved and it's only been 18 months. Maybe slow down next time and learn from this mistake

Agree.

If he didn't fully disclose his situation or played down how toxic the situation was, then I'd not be impressed.

On the other hand I suppose if I did know, there is absolutely no way I would bring myself and my child into the midst of that.

It's just no good. I can't imagine what he was thinking, to pursue a serious relationship when there was so much negativity going on that needed to be sorted out properly

If you are going to stay with him OP you are going to have to learn to leave the two parents to it, and focus on your relationship, yourself, your child. Hopefully the harassment matter and contact issues will be resolved sooner rather than later.

If your DP sees his child round his dad's every weekend that's a good thing. Spend that time focusing on your child.

You're nuts if you allow this to impact your son, your career and your future financial security. You aren't looking at this the right way at all.