Confusing behaviour

[Savemyself]

Name changed for this..

It will sound petty in the grand scheme of things but its how he reacts to me that I cant get my head around

Back story.. my Boyfriend has always got annoyed over things with me on social media, like my active status saying I'm online when I'm not, men liking my stuff, which leads him to accusing me of lying about being online and I must be chatting to men etc (which I haven't been) and accusing me of cheating etc.. previously in an argument he angrily demanded I delete all random mens accounts that wasn't actual friends/family which I did to keep the peace and stop him blowing up at me more

If there was any argument or disagreement etc he will end the relationship and block me on social media platforms messaging calls etc
This has created me to become insecure in the relationship and lately made me think he must be hiding something if he keeps me blocked, to which he claims he's doing nothing and hes nothing to hide hes nothing but honest etc and its my fault that he blocks me.

Anyway the latest is id found out he had reactivated an old account on social media..no big deal. I was blocked on it but my friend showed me when she saw it then, he had newly added a load of girls on it.. I asked him about it and he said he was doing nothing on it wasn't following anyone etc yet id already seen he had when my friend showed me it from her account.. he eventually "proved" to me he was doing nothing on it by unblocking me and showing me the account to which he had conveniently unfollowed the girls.
I felt hurt that he had lied to me... especially as he professes so much about how honest and upfront he is and il be lucky to find another man who is so honest..
Id told him id already seen it and knew he had just lied to me and asked calmly why he felt the need to lie and delete the girls if there was nothing to hide. he then blew up at me accused me of always looking for drama and I'm so insecure and untrusting and need help etc
When I pointed out that he'd lied and its that which had upset me he then twisted it all onto me and said it was all on me it was all my fault and I think so little of him etc and then makes out im accusing him of cheating and that it must be me cheating and its my guilt making me accusing him of cheating?? Buy i hadn't done that id just asked why he lied? Then he went on to say things like he was going to find someone who's "actually loving and not insecure and untrusting"
Theres been many things like this but this is the latest and need help making sense of what is happening here because I cant..

Its made me feel totally confused.. like how can his lie be my fault? I dont understand what iv done wrong? Have I done something wrong? Whys he putting words in my mouth saying I'm accusing him of cheating then saying its.me cheating? The whole thing makes me feel like my head literally spins

Block him in turn and don't look back .

OP take a step back. Read your own thread. What are you doing?? You are making your life a misery chasing a totally undeserving abusive manipulative controlling idiotic man.. Just stop it and move on. Be on your own for a while then find a decent, calm, respectful man.

Thank God he does not live with you.

This is how my ex started. Please dont get hoovered back in. He doesnt love you. He means you harm, I am a shadow of my former confidant self, and my MH is shot to bits. Get away super fast.You have no idea just how bad and threatening it can get.

I re read all your replies this morning and even though I'm blocked on everything I did block back in turn this morning as advised.. iv tried to keep myself busy today even though i feel so dreadful... and iv seen hes tried calling me 6 times in the last hour.. even though he's blocked my phone shows up automatically rejected calls on the call list..

Trying to be strong

Good on you op.

Can you see now that his behaviour is toxic though?

It's a lot easier to keep these jerks gone once you recognise that the reason they behave the way they do is that they are just fucking horrible human beings.

He is going mental now trying to call you because you had the 'audacity' to block him. He will be raging. Because him blocking you us a mind game to make you desperate for him back. And now be sees you arent falling for it.

Keep him blocked. Dont let him talk you into meeting. You do not owe him that. Think of him like the snake from the jungle book trying to hypnotise you at any opportunity.

Well done for blocking him op.

Well done for blocking op.

He is not worth your time. There is some blinding advice on this thread for you.

He is a twat.

Sounds like a narcissist to me

Why do you want to be in a relationship that makes you feel insecure and confused?

He just leaves me questioning why he's being the way he is and questioning if I am what he tells me I am, an whether or not I'm to blame

This is the hallmark of an abuser and a victim with an anxious attachment style. Your attachment style dictates that you must feel that everything that goes wrong is somehow your fault, so he can do anything he wants, and blame you for any fall out. This leaves you thinking 'Oh my god, maybe it is me? Maybe I am mad/needy/possessive/mean/whatever-he-damn-well-feels-like-calling-you'

Your way out of this situation in future relationships is that you call the shots. If somebody hurts you, it doesn't matter what they say about it being your fault. Your consideration of the exchange stops at 'That person just hurt me.'

There is a quick trick:

Tell them they hurt you. If they respond with an apology, and a genuine attempt to rectify your feelings, move forward. If they respond with anything else at all (defense/telling you you're too sensitive/denying it/changing the subject/telling you that you hurt them too/anything), you leave. That's it. That's the full lesson in 'boundaries'.

If somebody loves you, your feelings will be their primary concern. They will 'see the best in you' and 'be a forgiving person' and 'give you the benefit of the doubt', just like you do for people, and their responses will make sense to you because they will be similar to the ways in which you would respond. That's compatibility.

As a nice person, you will never understand why people do unpleasant things. Those things only make sense to people who do unpleasant things themselves. It's good that you don't understand why he behaves the way he does. That shows how different you are from him; how much nicer you are.

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/list-of-posts/

Spend some time reading this. I was addicted to it when I was learning about boundaries.

I know it feels shit right now but honestly it’s for the best. You deserve so much more than some arse who essentially throws a tantrum and slams a door by blocking you. You deserve a relationship with a grown up.

He’s gaslighting you. Leave him and find someone better.

Please go no contact, I kicked my ex out for alot of reasons, but I've seen the true version of him since (he sounds very similar to your partner) he would block me then unblock for his benefit, he would be nice one minute then the next accusing me of all sorts, I've now blocked him! Since blocking him he's turned up at the house numerous times I just ignore him, I get numerous calls a day (he's blocked but I get a notification when a call is rejected),he hates the fact the tables have turned, it won't get better if you stay together! I stayed for 12 years (12 years of gas lighting,manipulation ect) stay strong,sending hugs x

I had a call from a withheld number lastnight and answered it as I was waiting on a call thinking it'd be them and it was him.. he had a mean tone and demanded belongings I have here back saying he will pick them up today after finishing work. I bluntly said okay il leave them on the doorstep .. there was a few moments of silence then he dropped the call.. wish I never answered it.
Iv felt like absolute shit, feeling sick and heavy in my chest.. iv been trying so hard to stay occupied to keep my mind busy and stay strong

He's a LUNATIC! You are well shot.

Just remember, you are fine. Kind, decent, respectful. He's the one with some serious issues. Nothing he does changes how decent you are or what a shit you now know him to be.

He's waiting for you to grovel OP, to smooth everything over like you usually do and take the blame for his shit behaviour. He dropped the call because you didn't instantly do that, good for you The longer you're away from him the more you'll see him for what he actually is and none of it will be good, you just need to get through this shitty bit where you want to run back to your 'normal'. He's an utter cunt though, sorry, you can do better

He didn't turn up to collect his belongings and didn't hear anything else from him that day. Id felt anxious all day leading up to him supposedly coming being ready to put his stuff on the doorstep.. and then the rest of the night worrying he could turn up at any minute.. nothing!
I got a message last night from a new account "I hope you are okay" iv ignored it

Still trying to mess with your head then eh? No surprises there! Keeping you dangling over his belongings is the only little bit of power he has left over you, he knows you would have been anxious and waiting to get it over with and that's why he didn't show. Don't give him the satisfaction next time he arranges to collect, tell him the stuff will be on the doorstep at X time and it will stay there til either he collects or someone pinches it. And keep ignoring the 'hope you're ok' messages, you're doing great, don't let him suck you back in

If it were me I'd dump his stuff at his doorstep when you know he won't be there. He has no reason to contact you then. Keep blocking. Don't contact him at all. You're doing great 👍

How are you getting on OP?

Well done op. I know it's really difficult, but you are absolutely doing the right thing

Thank you ladies x
I got another message Monday morning saying "i really do hope your okay".. ignored it and I still have his stuff here which he never collected
I'm still looking feeling really rubbish and just trying hard to keep myself busy

Save it isn't supposed to be this hard. No relationship should be this fraught with mind games and blocking after every argument. Just remember that. It should be more fun, and loving, caring and sane, most of all, sane.

Find a way to drop his stuff off at his friend's house or his work place so you don't have to keep wondering when he will collect it. Take charge of it and put an end to it now.

He is a nasty abuser and this will only ever get worse

Run! Fast !! He doesn't love you he wants to control you

Stay strong
Do the freedom programme on line