Friends are gossiping that dh has cheated on me but I don't think it's true....!!!!!!!!

[UnderstandablyAnonymous]

Will try to keep this as short as possible...

DH was approached by a mutual friend at the weekend who told him that word was going round (our much larger group of friends) that he'd been cheating on me with a single mum (who I'll call X) on the periphery of our group.

He's really upset that friends could think he'd do this and I'm angry because some of what's being said is definitely untrue, e.g. that I kicked him out for five days during which time he had to stay at a mate's house. (Am not pretending that I haven't considered this over the years but think I'd have remembered if I had).

I'm sure it sounds as if I'm in denial but for various reasons, not least because I know that me kicking him out is totally untrue, I genuinely believe that he's never done more that go on to another bar with X when other people didn't want to carry on drinking.

Apparently X is upset that she's being portrayed as a scarlet woman out to nab someone else's husband though I'm not bothered about her feelings on the matter at the moment.

So where do I start? Should I contact those people who I know have started some of these rumours to find out whether they've said what they are supposed to have done and, if so, why?

did he tell you he was approached by the mutual friend?
seems very strange and seems innocent.
hold your head up high and let them gossip, you both know it's not true.

Nice "friends". Trust your husband, ditch them, imo.

"friends" of yours are doing this
gossip like this is plain nasty

there is probably a "ringleader" to all this - you could confront her but what would it do?

Leave it alone, you know that all is well ...

Yes, he told me as soon as he came home.

I'm just angry that "friends" would rather gossip amongst themselves rather than ask him directly when, so far, only the one friend actually has bothered to do so.

they'll be gossping about someone else soon.

If it were me I would have to speak to people about it and hear directly from them what was going on.

Especially whoever it was that said you kicked him out for 5 days! It would be good to hear what they have to say for themselves!

Unless you want to fall out with these people permanently and not have anything more to do with them, I'd be inclined to just be upfront and talk to them about it.

As it happens, the primary source appears to be another (recently married) guy who it has long been understood did have a fling with X some time ago That said, I could be simply falling into the trap of believing other malicious gossip...

i would speak to these friends directly asap, get their side of the story too. not saying that you dh guilty of anything, but for your own sake, get all the facts, then you can nip the rumours in the bud before it goes any further.

By UnderstandablyAnonymous on Mon 05-Nov-07 12:21:45

I genuinely believe that he's never done more that go on to another bar with X when other people didn't want to carry on drinking.

I would ask him to maybe be a bit more careful about doing things that could lead to such malicious gossip - if you give people the chance to think up scandal they will make the most of it! Sad but true. But going on to a bar with her at the end of a night out is bound to make people gossip and that's not fair on you most of all, he must understand that?

And none of these friends bothered to come to you?

Some friends.

CHH - dh fully accepts that it was stupid to give people the ammunition and will avoid doing that again.

I've told him to come clean with anything that I might need to know before attempting to defend him to all and sundry (incl. any bad behaviour on stag do's) but he swears that there really isn't anything to report above what I get told, and I know I've been told far more about what's gone on on some of these trips than most of the dw's.

On the particular night when I think the gossips believe he cheated, I spoke to him quite a few times by phone, both when he was in the bar and then when he was walking home so I'm confident that he's telling me the trust.

That said, he'd be history if he was ever found to have strayed but dh has known that for years

did you mind him going to the bar with X??

I'm not so bothered that people hadn't spoke to me about it yet as, in the same position, I think I'd approach the "accused" first to hear what they had to say.

Go with your instincts but tell you DH that in the future going to bars alone with single women and so on will be bound to get hins wagging and it should perhaps be avoided.

i spose he is the accused isnt he, so he was approached at least. just hold your head up high

LucyEB - not really, I've never seen her as a threat. Our group of friends is very mixed so it's not always just the men or just the women who are out.

odd then isnt it? that they shoudl pinpoint him and her

perhaps its sour grapes from the newly married guy

X is only single woman at the moment and, combined with our supposed marital problems , I wonder whether people have put two and two together and come up with five.

We've only ever had nice gossip going round - early pregnancy news or when a couple of the singletons finally got it together - so this has just really surprised me, not least because I'm at the centre of it.

with ''friends'' like that who needs ememys?! Trust your heart.. if you confront these people wont that make your husband feel that his word isnt enough? why confront them as to why when you know its not true? finding out what possessed whoever started it isnt worth making your husband feel like you dont trust him is it? Communicate with eachother as the insecurities will in some form be in your mind now (its only natural) dont let these people interfear in a healthy relationship with their nasty rumours keep smiling its the best form of revenge!

Thanks PP. Think dh is as curious about finding out the basis of the rumours as I am so I'll probably confront the primary source but dh will know I'm going to.

I hope I havent missed something but what is X actually saying, have you spoken to her directly or would this make it difficult with your DH (making him think you dont trust him). If you think she can be trusted to tell the truth and he can be trusted to tell the truth and they both say nothing went on, well then believe it and move on.

As for your friends the men might gossip but surely one of the women (a proper friend) would have taken you aside and said 'I don't want to upset you but...'. The thing is the people that are often quick to gossip about the bad things in other peoples relationships are often those who are trying to detract from the shit in their own.

Don't know X well enough to call up about it without it appearing weird. Tbh she's a bit of an oddball!

Good thing is that dh is due to be seeing the guy at whose house he is supposed to have stayed this evening so I'm looking forward to hearing what he has to say, cos he's seriously one of the nicest guys around and I trust him implicitly. He and his dp are also very good friend with the couple who appear to be at the root of the gossip and could certainly confirm that dh did not stay there for five days !!

Apparently, the reason exp and I split up is that I was having an affair with one of his closest friends. This is why exp and his friend fell out. The paternity of one of my children is in question because of it, and we will be going to court at a later date to talk about dna samples.

first I've heard - first exp has heard too!