How much keep should I (adult child living at home) pay my parents?

[howmuchkeep]

I pay £250 per month at the moment but had a promotion with slightly better pay. My parents are happy with me living at home whilst I save as I help out a lot and so it works out well for all of us and I have spoken to my parents and they are happy for me to live at home, there is no pressure from them to move out. My 20 year old brother also lives at home but is currently unemployed so he doesn't pay keep and my sister who is only 16 and goes to sixth form.

My parents are not well off so genuinely need my contribution. My Dad works full-time, but my Mum doesn't work due to her mental health. So the bulk of my Dad's earnings go on all the household bills aside from my £250 contribution which doesn't seem fair.

I am planning to live at home for one more year, do a lot of over-time and save as much as possible and then move out. I used all my savings whilst at university so I have very few savings at the moment. My income isn't particularly high but as my only expenses are the £250/month and a few other bills like my car insurance I will be able to save a good amount. However, I feel guilty being able to save money when my parents are not able to do so, they live pay cheque to pay cheque. I have helped out before when they have been in a pinch, for example I paid for some car repairs for my Mum's car.

I think my parents want me to start paying more keep now but they haven't outright said anything so I have no idea how much more I should start paying. I have a lot of guilt and feel like I'm being selfish.

How much do you think an adult child living at home who works full-time should pay keep in this scenario?

No way should you pay more than £300. It's not costing your parents anything like that to have you living with them.

I can't remember what my daughters paid when they were at home. I tried to strike a balance between them not taking me for granted, but at the same time, saving as much as they could (we live in a fairly expensive area, so saving for a future home was important)

In the end. I totted up all the utility bills (including council tax, as otherwise I'd get the one person household discount - only one daughter at a time lived at home, and at different points) and they paid half. But I doubt it came to £300. While there are more people in your household theoretically contributing to the bills, OP, so it should be less for you.

It's a balance of four things really:

How much disposable income do you have?
How much do your parents need the money?
How much would you be paying if you found a house-share and were paying for your own food etc?
What do you think is fair?

I know lots of parents will take a smaller amount from their children and put it into savings BUT they probably don't need the money.

If your parents have hinted strongly that they could do with a bit more then I'd imagine they don't mean another £15 a month. Personally I'd offer them £350 a month and make no comment about whether or not your brother is pulling his weight. If they are still struggling, you'll need to decide whether to say anything (given that you are likely to move out in a year or so) about their options or leave them to make their own decisions.

12 years ago I paid £120 a month to my parents. I was earning £1000 a month.
I was saving for a house deposit and they were happy with that.
I also helped alot around the house and barely ever ate at home.

I think £300 is more than enough. X

I didn't take anything from my children because I didn't need to. They were saving for house deposits and we didn't need their money.

My view as a parent would be to take only what you need.

Just a point to consider going forward, if you increase what you pay them and they rely on this income to get by, where does that leave them when you move out in a year? Just wondering if you could put aside some extra each month (let's say it's £50 if you think you should increase it to £300) and perhaps gift it to them as a small lump sum when you leave? Presumably your brother will be sorted with a job of his own then and contributing, I do see that you might feel you're shouldering more costs than he is at the moment which feels a bit unfair. By putting a bit aside for your parents to pass on when you leave, hopefully you might feel more comfortable at the moment and it will be a nice unexpected sum for them to thank them for allowing you stay at home and get set financially to live on your own x

If there's four people in the house (not including the 16 year old), you give them a quarter of...

the electricity bill, water bill, gas bill, TV licence, council tax contribution, internet and phone bill, plus money for the food shop, and then pay them the 'local room rate'. (see LHA rates tables via gov.uk).

It's probably a bit more than 250 quid a month, isn't it?

didn't mean that to sound 'snippy', but reading it back, it looked a bit snippy, so...

I know that my Ma and Da wouldn't have asked me for a bean, but I also knew the position they were in, so I made sure I paid my way. If you can, give them more, was kinda what I meant to say.

I think you're paying more than enough op. Its not your fault your brother doesn't work. If 250 covers your food and some towards gas and electric you use i don't think parents should make profit from their kids, I certainly won't be when my sons older

I am going to reiterate again, since I don’t think you have acknowledged it and someone else has mentioned it, this money you are paying your parents will mean they are £250 down when you move out. The more you give them the more they will be down and the more they become reliant on. I think this needs to be considered too.

I still think £250 is fair. When I lived at home around 10 years ago I paid £200 a month with a minimum wage job whilst fighting hard to avoid bankruptcy because of issues with an ex partner. My mum particularly relied on this money so tried to delay me moving out as much as possible. To do this day I still pay them around the same amount each month to ease my DFs burden as he’s had to semi retire due to ill health. If you can’t contribute when you move it to continue to ease the pressure, please consider the financial aftermath for your parents once you do move out. Not to mention start putting pressure on your brother to pay his way.

Coming from a family that funded my mother and stepfathers lifestyle I understand how you're feeling.

My siblings and I were made to pay £180 PW each to live at home as adults and that doesn't include putting in extra when bills came in, buying food etc

My mother would guilt us all so much that we'd pay more, all the furniture and electronics in her house were paid for by us kids. We couldn't save because all our money was going to them.

Look at rooms to rent in your area how much they cost, look at previous bills etc and divide them up by how many people live there, pay what you cost living there.

Don't be guilted into supporting them at the expense of your own life and future.

I know they're your family and you don't want to see them struggle but pay to cover your cost, nothing more.

Are any of them the ones who borrowed a lot and never paid you back?

I would just make sure you aren't being guilted into paying for them.

Hi OP,

I used to early roughly what you are based on your last update when I lived with my mum and dad. I paid £350 per month on an average month, I used to get bonuses periodically so when I got a bonus I'd pay a bit more that month. I think that's a fair amount without stopping you being able to save.

However, the bigger issue is not what you pay it's your brothers lack of payment, so make sure you aren't compensating for that. Perhaps worth mentioning to your parents. There are plenty of jobs around he could be doing, even if he signed on to an agency and temped xx

I think you pay enough personally.
Also I am wary of the attitude that you feel you need to pay more to help your parents out. I’ve seen this with a girl at work who still lives at home, sharing a room with her sister, and being second parent to her younger brother (getting him up for school, buying his lunches etc) She is 25 years old but has said she would feel guilty moving out as doesn’t want her mum to worry about money...! Make sure you don’t fall into this mindset otherwise you’d never leave!

Both of you should pay 20% of what you "earn"

@feistyoneyouare

I used to give my mum a third of my wages, put a third in savings, and the last third was spending money. I always felt that was fair enough considering the real costs of running a home, but obviously whether it's workable or not depends on an individual's income and day-to-day costs like transport to work, etc.

This sounds a reasonable rule of thumb but I was going to say 25% earnings in rent, not much in it.

I wish you very well saving up.

You can't easily ignore when family are in tough circs.

When I moved back home for a few months last year I paid my parents £150 a month for me and my daughter to live there, including food (although I did top up with food for lunches). Sounds like I got a very good deal!