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Original poster

Happy cheaters

48 replies

sunrainwindstorm · 28/02/2021 11:46

A guy at work constantly pursuing me, for about 5 years now. During this time he has got married and had a child. I don't entertain it at all and actually asked him the question. I can kind of understand people in long term relationships that have issues, but you have actually chosen to get married during this time. His response love and lust are to different things. Can he be genuinely happy in his relationship that he claims. I'm not interested in him at all I'm just thinking about future relationships and it scares me. Thoughts ?

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 28/02/2021 11:51

I just think of them as greedy selfish lying bastards...both the men & women. An immotive subject that doesn't deserve to occupy to much thinking time.

iklboo · 28/02/2021 11:59

If you're not interested, made it clear you're not and he continues to pursue you it's harassment. Speak to your manager / HR.

Original poster
sunrainwindstorm · 28/02/2021 12:00

I have him on social media and can see his wife posts he is the best husband and dad to their son, so he is clearly treating her right in every other aspect, and he has made it clear it's only lust with me would never leave her. The audacity of that as well is another subject 🤣🤣. It's just sad you can live with someone and have no idea what they are capable of 😢

OP posts:
Original poster
sunrainwindstorm · 28/02/2021 12:07

@iklboo I think harassment is to strong, we are in a group of work friends and it's clear he likes me more than & friend. Everyone else can see it he doesn't hide it, but it's not like he stalks me or anything. I've just never come across a cheat who actually tells you he is happy.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/02/2021 12:23

Doesn't seem like a great idea to be chatting to a colleague who has 'pursued' you for five years about love / lust / cheating...

You say you don't entertain it but you've gone on to discuss with him why he pursues you if he's married. That is entertaining it in a way and he doesn't deserve that kind of airspace or headspace from you.

He's a common garden variety dickhead. Plenty of them about and they aren't people you should be chatting to about relationships because, well, do you really want to learn from them?

Tell him you're only interested in talking about work from now on and give him a wide berth. Stop indulging him talking about himself and how clever he is to have an unknowing wife while he's keen to shag other people. He's gross.

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2021 12:27

[quote sunrainwindstorm]@iklboo I think harassment is to strong, we are in a group of work friends and it's clear he likes me more than & friend. Everyone else can see it he doesn't hide it, but it's not like he stalks me or anything. I've just never come across a cheat who actually tells you he is happy. [/quote]
You mean he flirts a bit with you?

That's completely different to 'constantly pursuing' you. Some people just have a flirty nature.

If you feel he really is 'constantly pursuing' you, you should probably tell HR and take him off your social media.

user1936784158962 · 28/02/2021 12:30

can see his wife posts he is the best husband and dad to their son, so he is clearly treating her right in every other aspect

I hate to break it to you, but what people post on social media is a heavily curated version of their lives.

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

Is he older than you? More senior?

Why are you having these kinds of conversations with him?

Original poster
sunrainwindstorm · 28/02/2021 13:00

After one of his flirty comments I asked him the question as it was bugging me. Never spoke about his home life before and haven't again. He is older than me yes, I don't respond to anything flirty just change the subject. I guess because I have been cheated on myself In the past I was interested as to why but not worth the head space as you say.

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/02/2021 13:03

@sunrainwindstorm

After one of his flirty comments I asked him the question as it was bugging me. Never spoke about his home life before and haven't again. He is older than me yes, I don't respond to anything flirty just change the subject. I guess because I have been cheated on myself In the past I was interested as to why but not worth the head space as you say.
You said he had 'pursued' you for five years which is a term implying he's been actively trying to get into a relationship with you / have sex with you - but in your later posts it sounds like he's just a bit flirty with you and you think it's obvious he fancies you.

Pretty different to your original post...

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/02/2021 13:04

'Constantly pursuing' in fact!

SoulofanAggron · 28/02/2021 13:05

I would tell her what he's upto. She has a right to know.

KirstenBlest · 28/02/2021 13:06

The 'pursued' seem to enjoy the attention.
You need to tell him clearly that although you value him as a friend in the workplace you are not in the slightest bit interested in him as anything else.

kooked · 28/02/2021 13:08

@user1936784158962

can see his wife posts he is the best husband and dad to their son, so he is clearly treating her right in every other aspect

I hate to break it to you, but what people post on social media is a heavily curated version of their lives.

You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.

Is he older than you? More senior?

Why are you having these kinds of conversations with him?

I cut and pasted the same bit to make the exact same point.
Social media is all bollocks.
The people who post gushing nonsense are usually on the shakiest ground.

Original poster
sunrainwindstorm · 28/02/2021 13:12

@youvegottenminuteslynn sorry lynn maybe it should say constantly flirting then. My mistake.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunrainwindstorm · 28/02/2021 13:13

@KirstenBlest cheers for the sarcasm I have told him that. I was just referring to that one conversation we had

OP posts:
Pegsonstrings · 28/02/2021 13:17

Imy eh father in law cheated on my eh mother in law like it was in fashion. He would openly tell me I was attractive, ask me if there was any chance my cuisine would have him, she was young and single, and still happy in his marriage, and lots of money and wealth. He was unethical in all areas too so this wasn't just the home front. I am glad I bo longer associate with any of them as its so toxic. Its not flattering and like

KirstenBlest · 28/02/2021 13:17

No sarcasm @sunrainwindstorm, and I was generalising, not specifically singling you out.

If you are saying something with a giggle in your voice, he'll see it as encouragement. I'm not saying you are, but tell him clearly. Men like that are no catch. I pity his wife.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/02/2021 13:19

@KirstenBlest

No sarcasm *@sunrainwindstorm*, and I was generalising, not specifically singling you out.

If you are saying something with a giggle in your voice, he'll see it as encouragement. I'm not saying you are, but tell him clearly. Men like that are no catch. I pity his wife.

Agree with this, I would say it very clearly and abruptly "It makes me really uncomfortable when you say things like that - I've told you before I only want to talk about work stuff. Please respect that so it doesn't get more awkward, I would like to think I don't have to speak to my manager / HR. Thanks."

Anything other than a firm, factual statement will be taken as you playing hard to get by a complete arsehole like him.

Fameinaframe · 28/02/2021 13:21

Argh!
I have this at work its so disgusting.
Guy in a clearly committed relationship (literally just brought first house with GF)
Constantly trying it on and not just with me!
I really feel for his GF and often tell him she deserves better! He just laughs! Bonkers!

Somethingkindaoooo · 28/02/2021 13:22

To pp
What exactly is the line between 'pursuing' and 'flirting enough so other people notice' ?
Neither are examples of stellar behaviour when someone is in a relationship.

OP when he flirts, ask how his wide and child are. Every time.
And maybe remove him from your social media.

Somethingkindaoooo · 28/02/2021 13:23
  • wife

I don't know what a wide is
🤣

youvegottenminuteslynn · 28/02/2021 13:25

@Somethingkindaoooo

To pp What exactly is the line between 'pursuing' and 'flirting enough so other people notice' ? Neither are examples of stellar behaviour when someone is in a relationship.

OP when he flirts, ask how his wide and child are. Every time.
And maybe remove him from your social media.

Both are unacceptable when in a relationship, totally.

I wanted to clarify as if he had been 'constantly pursuing' as OP said in her first post, I would have suggested going to HR for help as that sounds very much like harassment. OP has since clarified that she doesn't see it that way.

Tiredmum100 · 28/02/2021 13:30

I'd remove him from social media too. He sounds like a right idiot. My sister went out on a date with someone from work once, he told her was married with a child. She got up, walked away and never spoke to him again. I would seriously distance yourself. Anything else and he will always think he's in with a chance!!

WorraLiberty · 28/02/2021 13:36

@SoulofanAggron

I would tell her what he's upto. She has a right to know.
So far in the thread, it seems nothing more than a bit of workplace flirting, with the OP possibly making it into something bigger in her mind?

It's already changed from a 5 year pursuit to 'constantly flirting'.

OP is there any evidence he has cheated on his wife?

bonfireheart · 28/02/2021 13:39

Why do you have him on social media? Think you're enjoying the attention.

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