Am I too soft on my son or expecting too much, puzzled by his attitude?

[PurpleSapphire]

Bit of backstory. I'm a single mum to two dc, I worked most of their lives until various health issues meant I had to claim ESA which i'm on at the moment. Some of my conditions i'll have to live with, two of them are "fixable" which would probably enable me to go back to work. Unfortunately the way things are at the moment any treatment I need to have is on hold, completely understandable.
My son is 24 and came back from Uni last year. He has had to claim jobseekers, has been applying for as many jobs as he can but no luck so far and so I have never asked him for anything towards the bills or food as I didn't think it fair when he gets so little to live on. He doesn't have a car, the only thing he has to pay out is £10 for his PAYG mobile each month. He never went out before the pandemic so doesn't spend anything on travel, his money is basically his own to spend as he pleases. I'm currently waiting for the sale of my parents house to go through. It is shared between myself and my two dc although theirs is held until the age of 25 so he'll have a decent start next year. Last night I was checking my bank statement and half jokingly said to him if it gets any lower I might have to borrow some money from him (he has a small amount of savings within the limit allowed to claim jobseekers). He absolutely point blank refused. I told him I would give it him back as soon as the house was completed and I get my share of the money (a couple of months hopefully) and his answer was "IF I get it back". I was so hurt, i've NEVER asked to borrow money from him, not even a pound for bread, and I dont spend stupidly, have never owned a catalogue or bought anything expensive, so where he's got the idea from that he wont get it back I dont know. Growing up, his dad never paid any maintenance, I paid for everything and often went without things I needed. Now i'm wondering if I should be making him pay something towards living here as yes, I do have some money coming but as I wont be able to claim esa anymore i'll have to live on it until hopefully i'm well enough to get back to work and it isnt a great deal of money, will probably last two years at the most. His attitude really shocked me and I dont know if he's just had it far too easy or i'm expecting too much of him. I'd never ask to borrow from him under normal circumstances dont get me wrong but we would be talking just a couple of hundred to get the house cleared out, for a few weeks, paid back in full. He wouldn't even miss it. He's an adult and is gaining money from the sale of this house too, a decent amount for his age!

Re not loaning you money - Could his dad have been pouring poison in his ear about how he paid lots of maintenance money to you and you frittered it away or some other bollocks that he’s believed? And that could explain his reluctance, because he thinks you will squander the money and he’ll never see it again.

My pals ex did that. Pretended to the daughter that he paid large amounts of cash to the mum when actually he paid nothing at all.

I agree with the others that we all have to pay our way and share chores when we live under the same roof. No matter whether male or female. Unless some of the household support one who is not working and in return the arrangement is that he or she does all the wife work.

If he’s not prepared to do his share or pay his way he can move out. He’ll still have to do the chores though! It’s not like there are magical pixies that come in overnight and do dishes, cut the grass etc. I hope he learns quickly as I dated a guy like that once. Lazy fecker did nowt round the house and expected me to do it all. Because his mum did everything and he was a little prince. He’s an ex now. He can be the lazy prince in someone else’s kingdom.

Your son sounds like a lost cause, who doesn't have empathy and some sense of responsibility at his age?

Hopefully your daughter will learn the lesson of not putting up with a cocklodger and being treated so contemptuously.

Presumably with him living there you do not get a discount on your council tax. He can pay that for a start. Go through your food shop bills and mark off anything exclusively for him and you and then charge him for his items and for half of the rest. Ditto gas and electricity. He should get the picture.