"If you dont give me it, i will get it elsewhere" opinions?

[sunshineonearainyday]

Give me your opinions on this please
"if you don't give me it, i will get it elsewhere"

too true, for me sex is about mutual pleasure if the other person doesn't care whether I want to do it or not then, as you say it's a bit rapey, to say the least🤨

Erm if my partner didn't wanna sleep with me anymore I'd be having a discussion about moving on as well...

@StephenBelafonte

"But it's NOT a relationship if you're not having sex. It's a house share"

What the actual fuckety fuck?
Are you serious? That's a really disgusting attitude to have right there.

DP and I frequently go for long periods of time without having sex. Kids - effective forms of contraception. I dont badger him, he doesn't badger me. We don't threaten to leave each other or find it elsewhere just because we haven't gotten some. We still cuddle. We still hold hands. We still tell each other we love each other. We still check each other out.
We both have sex when we're BOTH in the mood, when we BOTH make time for it, when we BOTH WANT TO! We have respect for each other!!

@Borntohula

Erm if my partner didn't wanna sleep with me anymore I'd be having a discussion about moving on as well...

Anymore or just not as much as you wanted?

@Borntohula

Erm if my partner didn't wanna sleep with me anymore I'd be having a discussion about moving on as well...

Although I wouldn't want sex with an unwilling partner so I'd probably just say 'you're obviously not attracted to me so it's probably time to move on,' which I think is reasonable.

Well one would hope that in a loving relationship the two of you would respectfully and honestly discuss it, with mutual understanding and kindness, in order to find a solution that works for both parties. Even if that solution ends up being to break it off.

That’s not what’s happening here.

Here OP is being threatened and he is demanding that she fuck him or else he’s going to get it elsewhere. That is not how a loving and thoughtful husband or partner would behave.

@gamerchick if they didn't want it at all.

My ex used to do it anyway even when I literally said while it was happening "I don't want this," so I understand entirely how awful coerced sex is. But if my partner just went off it altogether I would prefer us both to be in sexually fulfilling relationships.

If it is used in the sense of "I want this out of a relationship, it is a dealbreaker for me and so if I don't get it then I will end the relationship and seek it with someone else" - fine, good communication, might be hard to hear but not coercive.

If it is used in the sense of "I'm going to keep whining about this and never actually do anything about it, just use it as a stick to make you feel guilty" - obviously terrible, yes to coercive.

Off you fuck then shut the door on your way out get packing.

If it was given that ultimatum I'd probably say, off you pop, nobody should feel bullied into sex....but then I also don't think anyone should stay in a sexless relationship.

So, maybe I'd look to address the reasons you're not having sex. If there's no way forward, then maybe it's fairer on that other person to let them go.

No sex in a long term relationship would be a dealbreaker for me.

I don't think that is coercion, he's saying it out of frustration. Of course it looks bad written down but you know he doesn't mean it.

It's frustrating for anyone to be in a LTR where their sexual needs aren't being met. You should leave him so that you can both find partners with sex drives that match your own, because it's draining to keep having the same arguments and no way to resolve it without one of you being unhappy.

I must depend on the context surely? Obviously as an ultimatum with a view to "forcing" someone to have sex they don't want, it's abhorrent, but there could be circumstances when it's worth a discussion.

Yes it is. And he has clearly blurred your lines of consent as well based on the other thread.

@tisonlymeagain

If it was given that ultimatum I'd probably say, off you pop, nobody should feel bullied into sex....but then I also don't think anyone should stay in a sexless relationship.

So, maybe I'd look to address the reasons you're not having sex. If there's no way forward, then maybe it's fairer on that other person to let them go.

No sex in a long term relationship would be a dealbreaker for me.

Who said it was sexless?

[quote Borntohula]@gamerchick if they didn't want it at all.[/quote]
So doesn't apply in the OPs case? Maybe you should read the other thread.

@wusbanker

I don't think that is coercion, he's saying it out of frustration. Of course it looks bad written down but you know he doesn't mean it.

It's frustrating for anyone to be in a LTR where their sexual needs aren't being met. You should leave him so that you can both find partners with sex drives that match your own, because it's draining to keep having the same arguments and no way to resolve it without one of you being unhappy.

The OP sadly has another thread where her partners abuse is detailed but she didn’t want to believe what he was doing was sexual abuse and coercion so started this thread as a side.

OP, this is the legal definition of coercion. He is abusing you. You deserve so much more.

It will all send overwhelming but there are helpline numbers you can phone for advice and even in current lockdown you are allowed to go and stay with friends or family for this.

Problem solved

My exH threatened me with that, and he ended up going elsewhere several times. If they threaten that its over because in their mind they are justifying cheating so already considering it or doing it. You deserve better OP.

Bye, Felipe