"If you dont give me it, i will get it elsewhere" opinions?

[sunshineonearainyday]

Give me your opinions on this please
"if you don't give me it, i will get it elsewhere"

It is OP. You don't have to give in to him and put up with him moaning you're not enjoying it. He's behaving horrendously.

My bloke doesn't sulk and threaten if I can't be arsed. It's the way it should be

Off you fuck, then. Is the correct response to that.

Chap really needs to find out why his partner is no longer interested in sex, or less up for it, and either work with her to improve things so her libido has chance to return, or if there's nothing to be done, decide if not-as-much-sex as he wants is live-able with or not.

Under no circumstances is threats to cheat or cheating, or other forms of pressure, the way to deal with a perceived drought.

@IsolaPribby

The only right answer to this is 'off you pop then, close the door on your way out '

Then make sure his stuff is on the doorstep for when he gets back.

This ^

It sounds unpleasant. We don’t know the context, of course. But if he’s happy to coerce you into sex, which appears to be the case, then this relationship sounds like it’s over.

Posting something like this out of context is unhelpful to you.

@user18467425798532 its about sex in a long term relationship

Straight up coercion.

Emotionally blackmailing you into sex.

For the record, my bf did this to me. He did look for sex elsewhere and ended up cheating. I still took him back. Biggest mistake of my life.

...Drop the latch

Do you think it's not a coercive or threatening thing to say?

What is your opinion on the comment OP?
How are you feeling about what was said. Would you consider an open relationship or similar?

Personally his bags would be packed quicker than a wink!! And no looking back, but there are some people who are ok with their OH's getting "it" elsewhere if they don't themselves wish to have a sexual relationship.

the very first post on this thread is correct.

No, it's clearly about sexual abuse in a long term relationship. And you would appear to be trying to manipulate people into telling you otherwise by withholding the context.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4176332-faking-enjoying-sex-yes-or-no

Get rid, they want to have sex with an unwilling partner. That's revolting.

I would say the statement is true. If your in a long term relationship with no sex that’s just like living with anyone really isn’t it. If you and your partner don’t have sex and one wants it and the other doesn’t then they are free to break up and start a new relationship.

I couldn’t be in a sexless relationship but I wouldn’t blackmail either.

I’d say crack on mate. If you are fundamentally incompatible then splitting is inevitable, so do that & they can give it a go with someone else and you have the opportunity to do the same.

If you aren’t having sex and there are no extenuating circumstances, or even if there are (health - mental or physical or a new baby etc) then a kind, respectful conversation should take place about why and how you see things panning out in the long term, whether the relationship can be saved etc.

However phrased as what is essentially a threat rather than an attempt to resolve or understand the situation would probably make me tell them it’s over. If they can’t see that then there is no hope IMO.

But it's NOT a relationship if you're not having sex. It's a house share.

OP, I assume you live together. It might help if you ask yourself what were the reasons for you agreeing to live with him. Was it like a kind of a "trial marriage" - in which case, I can see why he'd expect sex. Or did you decide to live together for financial reasons? If thats the case, then he kind of can look for it elsewhere.

You're not telling us much. What are your thoughts?

@user18467425798532 im not trying to manipulate people, i was just unsure that it was coercion

If a couple aren't having sex and one of them wishes they were, then it's something to work at together. Something is missing somewhere, and the way to get it back is NOT by threatening to go elsewhere.

Why would anyone want to have sex with someone who spoke like this? And why would anyone want sex with someone who doesn't want it. That's rapey.

Having to pretend to enjoy it so the other person doesn't have to feel like it's rape is extreme gaslighting.

As many others have said:

Off you fuck then.

It’s nasty, coercive, disrespectful and unkind.

But it's NOT a relationship if you're not having sex. It's a house share.

That’s incredibly dismissive of real and loving relationships where sex may not be possible for reasons such as illness.

"Hahaha, good luck with that. Unfortunately for you not all women have the low standards I obviously have. Time to raise my standards and tell you to fuck off to get it elsewhere. If you can, you emotionally blackmailing wanker of a sulky manchild."

Then I'd laugh some more and wonder why I hadn't dumped him before?

It is an attempt to blackmail or coerce you, he is saying if you don't do as I why want you to I will punish you with this consequence.
Are you asking us to help you process and respond to this Opie?

Unpleasant but yes it’s honest at least. I wouldn’t tolerate it long-term, as a sexless relationship isn’t what l signed up for. We would talk about it together to see if we were splitting up or having an open sexual relationship. We are in a slight dry patch thanks to him having COVID last month and me having it this month but it’s not a permanent thing

I'd tell them they were welcome to go elsewhere as the relationship was over. Way too much respect for myself to be bullied or coerced into something against my will. Anyone that actually says that doesn't care about the person they're saying it to.

Tell him to fuck right off. In my opinion it's not only coercive but a good bit rapey to want someone to be fucked by you when they don't want it. Gross. No way.