He left with no explanation

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I need some advice. I'm going through a horrendous heartbreak and literally don't know where to turn. We had plans, future... last week he packed his stuff, left when I wasn't in with no explanation and that is how it all ended. I suffer with anxiety, which I suspect was one of the reasons he left as I know he didn't like that part of me.
I'm struggling, a lot. Im trying so hard not to but even getting out of bed is a task. I cannot get my head around how one day we are perfect, spending romantic evening together and the following day he leaves. It broke me because he was the last person i never thought woild hutt mr

I am so sorry you are going through this.
To leave without explaining is cowardly and cruel. He must have known it would leave you second guessing. Please don't blame yourself, relationships can end without anyone being to blame as such, but he is the villan here for walking without explaining.

I have no experience of this, but didn't want to read and run. When things have been tough for me in the past, i've taken things an hour at a time rather than thinking of the whole day, once i've got past an hour I just focus on getting through the next hour.

Have you spoken with him at all to ask for an explanation ? How long had you been together ? Do you own a property together or rental together as you will have to sit down and sort out your finances which will be hard but it has to be done.

Take care

he didnt like that part of me

Why are you looking for the blame in yourself? In no way are you accountable for his actions. What he has done, leaving you without a reason, is downright disrespectful and inconsiderate. Honestly, it seems like the issue lies on his behalf and that he took the coward route out instead of owning up. I know it sounds cliche but perhaps he was cheating? Either way I doubt at this point him giving you an explanation would make you feel any better of give you closure, as the way he has gone about this has said it allreally.

If your partner cant accept you, flaws and all then what is the point of the relationship? I dont know about you but I expect a partner to naturally be supportive towards a loved one if they are suffering, not find it a detestable trait. I know it sounds harsh now but he most likely did you a favour walking a way in the long run. Focus on yourself, your mental health, and when the time comes when your ready for a partner dont settle for any less!

Together for nearly a year. We partially lived together as due to work he was spending a lit of time there. But there is unfinished stuff that need discussing which I asked to do but he is just ignoring it

He always made it clear he didn't like my anxiety, it made him uncomfortable. A lot of times i kept things to myself because I didn't want him feeling like that. But you can't hide anxiety, it doesn't work like that. When he left he treated me to days of 'silent treatment' only with a message in between saying he is 'thinking' but doesn't know what the outcome of this thinking will be. Those few days for anyone not knowing what happend after everything seemed fine were a killer. For someone who is anxioys and overthinks, like me those days were a torture. I have not slept for days, wrecking my brain what has happend, was there anything i could have done to stop it, whilst not knowing the reason he left. I left the house for 15 minutes, we were gonna have donner when i came back. And in those 15 minutes he was gone. It was the last time I saw him.
This from having plans of moving, holidays, etc, seeing him everyday, speaking to him everyday... to not being able to speak to him, having calls and messages ignored and rejected has broken me as a person.

Im not going to sit here claiming I was perfect. Of course i wasn't. I have flaws, like we all. So did he. But i have always been 100% devoted, supportive and always did everything to make his life a happuer one, easier, better. It made me happy. He claimed it made him happy.

I know that relationships end, sometimes it is a simple as the other person just doesn't want to be in it. And as painful as it is it has to be accepted. If he sat me down and told me in my face he doesn't want to be with me anymore, yes I'd still be heartbroken, yes id would still hurt but at least id know he respected me enough to do it.
He ran away, whilst everything seemed fine. Put me through days of silence and hope that maybe if i don't bother him, maybe if i stay quiet this will work in my favour... obviously not

His behaviour sounds narcissistic. If he is, he will eventually deign to take your call, you will twist yourself in knots explaining what a bad girlfriend you were (you weren't) and he gets to come back with you having no say in your "relationship". As hard as it is now, in the long run he has done you a favour. This is who he is. This is how he treats people. Don't expect closure from him, his tactic is to keep you dangling and dancing to his tune. Rally your friends on the phone, have a good cry, eat a tub of ice cream and plan a better future

Mate, you'll get more empathy from a tub of Ben and Jerry's than this emotionally stunted man. He's an absolute coward and you've dodged a bullet. Grieve, shout, rage but don't bother contacting him beyond picking up his stuff. You deserve better. Much better.

Oh, I feel you, your body hurts with the heartache, there is a permanent lump in your throat, everything you watch or listen to reminds you of something, and the urge to see them overrides everything. Heartache is a bastard, and we've all been through it, but most of us have survived it and come out the other side better for it.

Please don't beat yourself up over the why's and why not's. don't question what YOU did wrong, just accept that you, for whatever reason, are not right for him. You HAVE to because any further attempts to try and understand will only make things more difficult for YOU and if you chase him, will make him run away further

I PROMISE you if you can somehow get through each day, or even hour, eventually you will feel better, you will become angry and realize he's a selfish shit and as you said, he could have done this in a respectful way but instead did the cowardly thing and ran.

As I have done, and millions of others, you will look back at this time and wish you'd spent less time wondering about why and more time doing whatever it takes to move on and away from a man who is not only a malignant milksop but truly not worthy of you

He's a rat op.

If he comes back, please tell us you'll tell him to sod off?

It could be that he is just a coward. Or it could be that this is one of the tests narcissists run where they vanish for days and then come back with a shit excuse to see if you'll take them back. Then they know they have you trapped.

If you look back, chances are you will see other signs that he was selfish or not really a nice person op.

Either way, no one with normal empathy would do what he has done. You are well rid!

He's a coward, I agree with another post day it day by day or hour by hour if necessary. Try to keep busy doing things indoors if you feel you can't make it out.

I know someone who done this, reversed, guy got home and gf had gone whilst he was out!

Also, there was a thread on here a while back about a woman who's partner dumped her by text. She didnt respond. Dunno if anyone has the link?

Basically it pissed the guy off that he wasnt getting the 'why have you done this to me?' attention. Take a leaf out of her book. Might be worthwhile to just block you.

Think about it, if he was just a wimp, then why didnt he leave you a note at least? Either because he cares that little for your feelings...or because he wants you to be going nuts texting him, because that feeds his ego.

*to just block him

Sorry OP, you don’t deserve to be deserted without closure. That’s horrible.

What type of anxious behaviour was he referring to?

Keep going OP - Heartache is the worse, I am 7 weeks on from mine (or maybe 8)
The first 3 weeks I literally couldn't function- I had a thread on here that helped and I leaned on my best friend and sister- take it literally an hour, a half hour or even a step at a time. Every 10 minutes that goes past is closer to feeling a bit better. I recommend therapy if you can afford it- or calling The Samaritans - they are not only there for crisis or suicidal thoughts (a lot of people think this)
What helped me was a 'trash book' you write your thoughts into it- in the first week I barely stopped writing- now I pick it up about once a week. The idea is that when you fill it up/ stop writing you trash it, or burn it - I'm going to do mine on my first firepit in the garden when friends are allowed over. These are the initial things that really helped me in those first moments- keep going- you can do it!

@Mabelface

Mate, you'll get more empathy from a tub of Ben and Jerry's than this emotionally stunted man. He's an absolute coward and you've dodged a bullet. Grieve, shout, rage but don't bother contacting him beyond picking up his stuff. You deserve better. Much better.

Agree.

He will come back when he realises what he's done. Dont allow it. Not even for a second because it will happen again.

What he did was callous and cruel and an unforgivable thing to do to someone. Especially with an anxiety disorder.

Your anxiety is going to make you question what you have done wrong, what you could of changed and the short answer is nothing. Or atleast nothing that warranted this behaviour. Do not let your anxiety betray you and allow him to make you believe it is you.

You deserve better. Nobody deserves to be left high and dry like that after such a long time. You will look back at this one day and not see him as the loving person you thought he was but the guy who left you in the middle of a pandemic with no second thought. What a bastard. You'll get through this. X

This happened to me and our children were involved. Its a massive shock to the system but you get over it and see what a coward they are and that you are better off without him.

BTW he left for another women.

Someone here asked what is my anxiety like. I don't or shoukd I say I didn't think it was that bad. I get anxious about little things sometimes, i get worked up over things 'normal' people would probably just not even care. I overthink & worry sometimes about little things. But like i keep saying - not all the time. Most of the time i'm a positive, hard working person, mum who just loves to make people happy.
But i often botteled things up because i knew he didn't understand anxiety, to him it wasn't real. But by doing so I was making myself worse, things would build up and cause arguments. But couples argue, it wasn't anything unusual and they were rare.
Most painful part of this is - i have a child. Who got used to him, attached to him, adored him. He had no idea that last time he was waving him when he was going to work it was going to be the last time he would ever see him. I had to sit my child down and explain something i didn't understand myself and why he didn't even deserve a goodbye.

This isn't about what you deserve or doesn't deserve.. its about him being a arsehole

Oh OP I'm so very sorry. I know your torment well. My husband of 20 years did the same just left no explanation nothing. He totally ghosted me so I had no contact for him other than solicitor and divorce papers arrived in the post. I heard from someone else he had been planning to go for ages. What yours and mine have in common is that they are disgusting cowards to do this and arent worth a light.
You will feel dreadful now but in time you will be better off without a nasty man who can do this to you. Be brave, take it one day at a time. See your GP if you need to. I had to have antidepressants to get through it.

Don't blame your anxiety, we often have this to protect us when we are not happy, it might not be over a big deal or someone may say it isn't but listen to it. He sounds awful just leaving you like that and giving you silent treatments, you'll feel happier and calmer without someone like him. He'll probably try and get back in your life just as you try to get over it, don't let him.

I had this happen to me. Went to work one Sunday morning, came home at 6pm and the ex had stripped the flat of his belongings and gone back to his mothers.

No warning, no word to me that he was unhappy enough to even consider doing it. I worked about 5 minutes walk from our flat, he must have been petrified I was going to come home for lunch that day...

Tell your coward that by moving out he's lost the right to 'think' about your relationship anymore...by doing that, in such a cowardly way, there is no further 'outcome'...he's gone, and staying gone. Why does he get to dictate everything, anyway?

@Mabelface

Mate, you'll get more empathy from a tub of Ben and Jerry's than this emotionally stunted man. He's an absolute coward and you've dodged a bullet. Grieve, shout, rage but don't bother contacting him beyond picking up his stuff. You deserve better. Much better.

Another voice who agrees with Mabel.

Don't have him back.

This isn’t about your anxiety. The right person for you would support you through tough times. The not right person with some manners would at least apologise and explain it just wasn’t working for him and say goodbye. Only the lowest cowardly type would do something as upsetting as this to you and your child. You deserve better. Please don’t blame yourself, and be nice to yourself as well.

What an unfeeling, cowardly prick OP. I’m so sorry. Tell him that, whatever he may or may not think, he is dumped. I hope you have people who are supporting you and your DC.