He left with no explanation

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I need some advice. I'm going through a horrendous heartbreak and literally don't know where to turn. We had plans, future... last week he packed his stuff, left when I wasn't in with no explanation and that is how it all ended. I suffer with anxiety, which I suspect was one of the reasons he left as I know he didn't like that part of me.
I'm struggling, a lot. Im trying so hard not to but even getting out of bed is a task. I cannot get my head around how one day we are perfect, spending romantic evening together and the following day he leaves. It broke me because he was the last person i never thought woild hutt mr

A couple years ago I posted cos my boyfriend packed and left while I was at work, ended up with two threads and 1800 comments. I never texted, asked, begged, I just posted and posted. Eventually I got a text saying sorry. I ignored. I ended up getting a weekend job in a bar to fill my time, and really really worked on myself. When he came crawling back I had absolute great pleasure in that 'awww no thanks :) I'm honestly fine and I wish you well!' message and blocking. So satisfying not to be the crazy bitch they end up imagining you as.

Spend some time on you. Fuck this loser, he's not original. You will feel better eventually I promise xx

So grateful for all your comments. I'm still trying to process & understand but I don't think I'll ever will

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. My 'D' H left me with pretty much no explanation 15 months ago after almost 8 years together, and I haven't heard from him since! It's been really tough having all the unanswered questions and I'm still trying in some ways to get my head round it. It's so easy to blame yourself but it truly isn't you. By the sounds of your updates you definitely dodged a bullet with him. He's a dick and you deserve better. Be kind to yourself

It may not feel like it at the moment but you may find that your anxiety levels improve now that he's no longer around. His actions were deliberate and cruel towards you so please don't spend another moment trying to understand what's happened. Place your focus back on you, block him and have a lovely life.

Your anxiety will have been linked to him.
If he is the kind of person to up and leave without any explanation, it shows how entitled he thinks he is.

No manners to start with.
Find someone who will help you feel safe, secure, protected and loved, that will help your nerves.

x

Ending the relationship isn't the problem. If your anxiety was the reason, he has every right to end things.

He should have told you the relationship wasn't working for him and not just disappeared.

Nobody has to accept anything on a partner they can't cope with. It doesn't matter if it relates to mental health or physical health.

The right thing to do is end the relationship like an adult.
Just walking out is rude and immature.

For the sake of your mental health and of your child do not take him back

OP I agree.... this man was triggering your anxiety ... disappearing for days with no notice .. and a random 'Im thinking'... is beyond cruel .. of course it would be agony ... so so nasty ...

Take every hour as it comes.. read books.. watch junk tv.. paint.. jigsaw puzzles.. anything that you really forgot you enjoy... reconnect with...

let this cretin go.. he never deserved you 🌺

Running Girl

I think was the name of the Poster who was dumped by text... telling her no reply required.... she started running... even in the rain... weeks passed... every day she became stronger until one day she could smile again...

then....

he texted....

Running girl did not respond... ironically he was infuriated at her 'grey rock'

I cannot find the Thread but she was an inspiration and helped other I am sure 🌺

Oh lovely I feel your pain 💐
It happened to me too 10 years ago. I went to work and came home to find him gone. Never heard from him again!
Men who do this are cowards. It is nothing at all to do with you, your anxiety, anything you have said or done, EVER!
HE is the one who has the issues....
It is totally fine to end a relationship, tell someone you aren't in love, it isn't working, you know, like ADULTS, but running away and hiding is childlike behaviour that belongs in a playground.
You deserve to be treated with respect.
Hang on in there, take things slowly. As much as you want an explanation from him please put yourself first 💐

So grateful for all yoyr comnents

"But there is unfinished stuff that need discussing which I asked to do but he is just ignoring it"

There's nothing to discuss with this wanker. Block, delete, chin up.

i understand your pain. my exF "ghosted" me many years ago and it was devastating. after 4 years together i thought he could have at least told me he didn't want the relationship anymore. it would have still hurt but at least i would have known upfront instead of wondering for months what happened. it's a pain like no other and for me it was tougher to get over because there was clue that he was going to end it, especially like that.

i'm sorry you're in pain. one day it wont hurt so much.

As referenced by @BlueThistles
Thread 1/2

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3800477-Dumped-by-text?pg=1

Thread 2/2

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3835502-Dumped-by-text-part-2?pg=1

@Namechangenumber23

thank you.. 🌺

Also to further bolster @BlueThistles saying how it must have inspired others, this lovely thread speaks for itself
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4115835-thank-you-running-in-rain-girl

Take care of yourself OP. I know incredibly hard you must be finding things right now but one thing I can say is that when MN users see someone in need of support, they really do pull out the stops to prop you up with wisdom, advice and, just as important, humour.

@BlueThistles

I really feel for you OP. I am 6 weeks into the hardest break up I have ever been through - similar to yours in that it was out of the blue, and I have a child who didn't get to say goodbye, but he did at least tell me he was leaving (though his apparent reasons were very flimsy so I do wish he had been honest)
The pain is like no other, and you will feel that you don't know where to turn. I spent days highly agitated because I just couldn't think what to do to escape the grief and the physical discomfort in my chest.

It's hard and it will take time. There's no escaping that. You must be kind to yourself. Slowly, day by day, and week by week things will improve. You might not realise they are until you look back, but they will. At the moment don't look back, and don't look forward, just focus on getting through each hour of the present

I have also been through this ( but way way longer than you ) . The thing is they live two lives when like this - one where they are planning to leave and one where they are going along as normal and then it just happens . They get the "courage" one day to do so ? I don't know . It is cruel and it is disrespectful and I will never utter one word again to my ex H because of it . I don't hate him but I don't give a second of my time to a disrespectful liar .There is NOTHING that this man can say that you will give you closure or explain his reasoning . I expect you even think that you can maybe talk him around ? Believe me let him go . It's horrible and it's ugly but you will get there .

I know this is going to sound dramatic and OTT but in the 2 weeks I have not been yet able to sleep in my bed. I'm sleeping on the sofa because I cannot yet face even going to my bedroom. I run in there to get my clithes, run out and close tge door behind me.
I know few people here said don't take him back. I think I'm quite safe - he is not going to come back. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense that this was all planned, he was just waiting. I don't know, I probably will never know. But what I do know is that this is torture and I cannot wait for the day it is going to be over.

How are you doing today OP? I’m going through a break up too and have gone NC but it’s so so hard. Lockdown isn’t helping either as the things I’d normally do to help aren’t available.

Me too OP- I'm 7 weeks in roughly- very hard going! I am having therapy and just bought Rosie Greens book which is helping

Maybe this thread could help us support each other?

I;m off to get some Vitamin D today as my brain fog is not good and this apparently helps!

I know both men and women who have done literally no discussion "it's done" .
Some people are just like that it's black and white to them raking over the coals of a relationship when 1 person has checked out is just pointless.

I feel for anyone going through this. This is just like a medical pain where it's only YOU that has to go through it and face it. It takes time op. I have been there and done it. It's horrendous and don't feel bad for feeling like this. Everyone goes through it. It first starts with take a minute at a time, then an hour, then a day and then you look back it's been a week and then a month and months and you look back to it differently. Your mind has changed, it doesn't hurt and then you see how you have dodged a bullet and it was the best thing that has happened to you. You come out the other end as a NEW and different person. Healing takes time and unfortunately there's no magic or any medication to make it quicker or feel no pain at all. You will get through this

Hi all, not sure you will read it but maybe. I have not been able to go through all the comments before, bit too fresh, too hard. But i have read them now and i am so grateful.for all your support. I have not been great, its strange what heartbreak and this overwhelming confusion, sense of abandonment can do to a person. I have not been eating or sleeping properly. I don't want to feel like this, its a bit of a self destruction and i am trying so hard to not feel like that. I followed your advice of taking it in tiny steps. I have had a few better days, work helps. Im busy there, can focus & concentrate and have purpose. But its when im off, my child is asleep and i have time to think is when its the hardest. Today is one of those days. Literally every task even like making myself a coffee is dificult. Its been weeks now and i just wish someone could give me a date when i will stop feeling like this. But i know thats not going to happen.
I wrecked my head over the time we've been together and tried making sense of it all. Im now starting to see that his behaviour, his actions, things he said weren't wrong for months. That really it is only the first couple of months that were "perfect". The time that seems like he was trying to woo me. After he got me he didn't really care. I think i knew something wasn't right but i didn't want to acknowlege it. After all he was the perfect man, he loved me and that was all i wanted.
The pain is unbeliveable, it is physical, having belong to someone for so long, being so devoted to them and all of a sudden with no warning having that ripped out is a feeling i cannot explain. And i still don't know how to deal with it