Being perfect

[AlowYew]

I need to get this off my chest.

Okay, so I am not perfect and I have my faults like everyone.

My husband doesn't give me
an inch for manoeuvre.
I am not allowed to be tired, grumpy, stressed or, for example,cross when it's bedtime for the children. It's relentless and there is no leeway at all.

Not wanting a badge, but I try my best as a wife and a mother .
I keep an immaculate home, the children are well cared for and loved, I'm
a great cook, a good lover and I work part time too as well to contribute to the home.

It just feels so one sided and I also have shit mental health which doesn't help matters.

What's peoples thoughts on this. Is it normal?
Any thoughts or advice would
be gladly welcome.

The question I want to ask is Why does he do this? Is he doing it to
control or manipulate you? Is he unable to empathise or understand you are a human being and not perfect? Does he fear that any negative emotions will adversely
Affect your children? Is there some childhood trauma that is getting triggered when you are grumpy?

Secondly would he be willing to go
To couples counselling or to make changes to his behaviour?

If he won’t change then either you accept that this will be your life or you may have to make the decision to leave.

I'm not sure exactly why he does it.

Often he is tired. Then he can be spiteful.

As I say, it's not all the time.

As far as I know there is no history of abuse but I feel it may be learnt behaviour with him.

It's not just me being grumpy or snappy that triggers it. Sometimes it can just be for anything. And he will kick off and it makes for an uncomfortable day or evening.

I used to argue back a bit. Then it just got too much and so now I opt for the quiet life . Stay silent . Go to bed. That kind of thing

It's all okay as long as I am not unhappy or grumpy or any negative emotional stuff is shown .

I can't be happy all the time when I have shit crippling anxiety and have even felt suicidal the past few weeks

Left my emotionally abusive ex husband for similar reasons. 7 years ago. All my MH issues disappeared within about a fortnight. You sound miserable OP. Its so so so so hard to always have to be a certain way, and let me guess, he has "standards" but the goalposts change and you're never quite good enough?

Have you explained ( calmly and simply) to him how his behaviour is making you feel?

Just to be devils advocate, Could your anxiety be twisting your interpretation?

In your husbands defense, I would not be happy if my husband was snappy with my children. Perhaps he would prefer you to focus on them rather than the immaculate house / cooking from scratch etc? Are you putting this pressure on yourself due to your anxiety? And then have less energy left for the children?