Anyone asked a man out and had success?

[Heidi3333]

Hi ladies

I have had lots of different guys recently ask me out. Annoyingly I don't fancy any of them and so have turned them down (nicely). I can't remember the last time someone I liked asked me out.

I am fed up just sitting around waiting on somebody I fancy to ask me out. I am not a fan of making the first move but feel I need to start taking control of my love life...

There is a gorgeous guy in my local garage that has serviced my car a few times. He is always v polite and professional but we have only ever chatted about cars. I'm v attracted to him. I found him on Facebook and there's no sign of any girlfriend from his profile. Only problem is he is 11 years younger than me - I'm 45.

I'm tempted to drop him a message on his work email that we have used in the past to tell him I think he is gorgeous and to give him my number. If he doesn't respond in my favour then I'll just avoid the garage forever more!

Has anyone ever made the first move on the guy and had success? I'd much rather the guy made a move on me but I'm fed up hanging around and waiting!

Go for it, but I'd keep your expectations managed down.

Here's my reasoning: a proportion of men can and do have sex with women they don't fancy or like for sexes sake. If you ask a man out he may just see an opportunity for sex and go for it. Doesn't mean he likes you or even finds you attractive.

I got caught out by this recently. Man at work was flirting, acting as though he liked me, and I thought I was feeling a real spark. I asked him out and he seemed pretty enthusiastic, but after hooking up made it clear that he had never really fancied me much, just knew that I fancied him and so took the opportunity for a shag. I'm still smarting about it tbh. It's been a real blow to my confidence.

Chippypickledegg sorry to hear that. That's my worry too. I'm just fed up waiting for someone decent to ask me out. I think sometimes I just need to take matters into my own hands!

I have -I prefer to be the one in control! I take their numbers so I’m not waiting for them to text.

Yes and we have been married 40+ years!

No - you're 45, he's 34 and he could feasibly go out with a 24 year old.

@HollowTalk

I wouldn't. Do you really think he wouldn't have asked you out if he wanted to?

No We men are blind, we can’t tell when a woman is interested and we’re still afraid of rejection

It’s ‘easy’ to ask out someone you’re unlikely to see afterwards if they say no
It’s not so easy to ask someone out that you could have to face again

Other than my youth, in my adult life I’ve had two women take the first moves - one I accepted the other I declined.
Other times I’ve had to have some clear ‘hints’ before realising that a question might be welcomed

I've asked a few men out. Always had a yes to the date, even if they said no to a second date 😂😂

As I say to my junior colleagues when I'm teaching them to sell/pitch - "say you piece, ask nicely, all they can say is no"

@MaeveDidIt

No - you're 45, he's 34 and he could feasibly go out with a 24 year old.

And this is the great part about your 30s. You can date people in their 20s, 30s or 40s and it's not weird.

Twice.
First he agreed to go out with me and were on and off for a year... he was a bit of a jerk but I was young and naive .
Second is my current, we both liked each other but he didn't have the guts to ask so I did it for him :)

I asked my gym instructor out before the first lockdown he said no but I kept bumping into him during the 1st lockdown. I would say he is now a friend. It wasn't a success in the romantic sense but it certainly broke the ice.

34 years ago I asked a man out. I had fancied him for ages, but he didn’t take the hint.

We have now been married for over 32 years!

Give it a try

Twice and they were both years ago. Both said yes and went on to become long term. I was young and confident in those days!

Maybe this is the same garage guy though ...😂

Don’t - unless he has made it totally obvious that he really likes you. He has to be nice to you as you are a customer - don’t let your crush blind your judgement.

I did ask my now husband out, but he had made his feelings clear, and we had been talking loads up to that point.

@heartshapedskull

Don’t - unless he has made it totally obvious that he really likes you. He has to be nice to you as you are a customer - don’t let your crush blind your judgement.

I did ask my now husband out, but he had made his feelings clear, and we had been talking loads up to that point.

This.

@HollowTalk

I wouldn't. Do you really think he wouldn't have asked you out if he wanted to?

@HollowTalk

Misery guts! - no he wouldn’t have necessarily asked her because he wouldn’t realise she was interested / she’s a customer.

OP - As long as you have an alternative garage option then go for it - you will always regret what you don’t do more than what you do - and most men would be delighted.

Even if he doesn’t bite, you’ve broken through a fear barrier. Thanks

I wouldn’t worry c the age gap, only that I would be open to a lighter relationship to start.

I’m a control freak.

I’ve asked people out for a drink. I’ve also asked them to come to bed. Too many people look back and think “if only”.

He can’t ask you out, what if you took exception and complained. We know you wouldn’t do that, but he doesn’t. I would avoid email though. Just pop in with a take away coffee for him and jot your number down on a piece of paper.

Yes I asked out my neighbour, we're still together 3 years later

He said he always fancied me but wouldn't have had the balls to say anything

I put a note through his door

I asked my husband out. Still together 21 years later. I was only 22 when I asked though, so maybe some youthful confidence. I had no real indications from him that he was interested before asking.

I agree with Heartshape and northernparent. Only do it if you are 100% sure he’s feeling the same as you.

Also, doing it by work email gives you too many questions if he doesn’t reply - did it go to junk, did someone else read it, did his wife read it, etc

I’ve been asked out once and also flirted with at work and honestly, it was horrible. I felt SO uncomfortable.

The person asking may not feel embarrassed by doing it or the rejection but what about the other person?!

I agree with Heartshape and northernparent. Only do it if you are 100% sure he’s feeling the same as you.

I don't get this. How do you know 100% if someone feels the same without asking? Isn't the worst that can happen is he says no and he is either a bit embarrassed or a bit flattered?

I have and now we’re married.

But I don’t think you should email him at him work address to tell him that you think he’s gorgeous!! I’d see if there’s any spark and then ask in person if he wants to go for a drink once the pubs reopen

I haven't recently because I've only got my post-divorce mojo back since bloody Covid so all my interactions have been online, however...

...whilst I think the point about managing expectations because you might be at a different life stage is fair enough, I really wouldn't worry - as others have suggested you should - about the age difference per se.

My best mate and I have both been dabbling in OLD over lockdown. We are both 45 and single, wildly different in looks, personality and lifestyle yet both of us get way more attention from younger men. She's currently having a virtual fling with a 29 year old, and the guys I've chatted to most have been 32, 35 and 36.

So really don't let that bother you.

I'm not sure how would be best to approach him although I'm liking the coffee and phone number suggestion by a PP.

Good luck!

Thanks ladies.
Lots of positive success stories ❤️
I'm 45 but I don't think I look my age. Plenty of guys like older women!

I can't reallly do much just now bc of COVID but maybe in a few weeks I'll pop a card through his work door thanking him for the work he's done on my car and ask him for a drink with my phone number. If you don't ask the answer is always no, is my motto.

We’re married 19 years soon.