Its over, right?

[Hcusognu]

If you argue every single day its over isn't it?

Well it's not exactly enjoyable. If it can't be fixed, then it probably is best to call it a day.

Yeah. If the bad days exceed the good days it's over

I mean, I knew it, I just needed to hear it from other people. I just don't want this to be my reality right now.

Yes, it is. I always say that I’ll stay in a relationship as long as the soft stuff outweighs the bad.

Arguing daily is not soft, it builds resentment and can make you feel insecure.

A partner should compliment your life and make you happy.

If a relationship causes stress and sadness then theres really no point in it.

What @Wanderlusto said.

But we're in a pandemic and nothing is normal right now.

A partnership shouldn't be a constant battlefield. Life is too short for such misery.

Can you really be arsed with living like this?

You don't have to.

Its just hard because we have a baby together. But this isn't healthy for him and I know that. I was holding on to the fact his my sons dad and I thought we could get through anything. (We have been through SO much).
But you're all right. I'm so unhappy, he is too. We need to separate. I feel like I'm grieving..

for most people it is.

however i know someone who bickers daily with her partner for YEARS and for some odd reason still adores him. he has brought her to tears numerous times, but she still adores him and won't leave - and they do not share any children. it's baffling.

What is it that makes you argue with your partner OP?

Is it possible to have some space from each other so that you can both consider what it is you want and need from your relationship, and if you are both still having these needs met?

We argue about anything and everything. We act like we hate each other but we don't. To anyone looking in they would think what the hell are they still doing together?!
We're currently having a break now. This will be our 3rd or 4th one..
I just don't see the point. We never fix anything. We just miss each other so end the break then it just turns sour again after a few weeks of a good relationship

Is it that he turns everything into an argument? Like a merry go round...where you never get any peace. Basically, is it him turning everything into an argument?

Or is it that he never listens (or appears not to) so you have to be shouty-naggy in order to get him to do anything?

Neither are good. The first one is emotional abuse territory. The second one can be too sometimes depending on circumstances. As they'll use it to make out you are the baddy.

Either seem familiar?

But yeah, 4 breaks...enough is enough.

Either way, I think

Ok. So during the break do you discuss what needs to change?

A baby can cause a couple to pull apart.

How long have you been together, when did this start?
When you have separated have you tried different strategies to resolve differences?

The second one. He NEVER listens. Then turns it round to me and I'm the controlling nagging one. I have to ask him to do anything. Its so frustrating. Sometimes I feel like his mum going up and down the stairs trying to get him out of bed. Or trying to get him to come off his pc or phone (games).
No ..were not 'young'.
During the breaks we don't really talk. We just get on with life, miss each other and get back together. The more I get this out the more I see how awful this situation is.

Yeh so he is a dick. Get him gone.

Hcusognu, it don’t your job to parent him. If he isn’t motivated to be part of the relationship then you are better off without him.
He needs to be your equal, he’s a father and your partner, he has shown that he isn’t willing to alter his behaviours. The whole situation is not good for you, it’s causing you misery.

What do you actually miss about him?

*it’s not

You're right. I know you're right its just tough.

What do I miss about him? He makes me laugh sometimes, errrm, when he's sweet hes really sweet really melts my heart. Its just not often. And I'm struggling to find anything else...

A stranger on the street can make you laugh sometimes, doesn't mean you make a life with them. Your relationship is utter shit. Just end it already.

That sounds really hard work. How do you feel now you're on a break? It sounds like you have different standards and priorities and I think these can be exacerbated once you have a baby. What do you ideally imagine your life to be like in a year or so?

I was in similar situation.
Me and my ex split in November, after 14 years
7 of which weren't great tbh, I moved out around 5/6 times in those years! With our first baby, then when pregnant with second, then with both of them together etc etc.
We used to argue over mundane stuff. Over lack of sex. Over lack of effort. He spent hours and hours having time to himself in the garage/on PS. I resented him in the end for not wanting to be an equal partner. And for some reason, he didn't trust me.

Ultimately I think what broke us was that each and every time I moved out, it chipped away at me bit by bit until I eventually realised I couldn't do it any longer. I couldn't keep being let down by this man, and having to ask/beg for any support around the house.

Sorry, I've waffled a bit.
I think it doesn't matter what we all say, YOU will know when theres nothing left and you have no more to give. Its not been easy leaving, and we still argue now, but I'm happier