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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would you be fed up about this or am I being horrible?

41 replies

Completelyunassertive · 21/02/2021 22:50

Maybe I just need to vent, I don't know!

I'm sick of DH's behaviour and moods, and in the past year it's got worse and I'm fed up.

Firstly, he's had a bad back for quite a while but won't do anything to help himself, and it always seems to conveniently flare up when it suits him. I then end up paying the price of it flaring up and him being out of action. He's been prescribed painkillers from the Dr (after I had to shoehorn him into calling the Dr) but rarely takes them. Last week despite the back pain he decided to go on a bike ride and of course it massively flared up his back pain and he's been incapacitated all weekend, in a foul mood and doing fuck all! Last year the day before we went on holiday again it flared up and so I had to do all the packing, all the sorting, ferrying pets to the kennels etc and yet he had was still in a foul mood.

Secondly, he's always 'feeling ill'. He'll decide he has a headache or feels sick or whatever and again gets in a mood and just fucks off to bed.

Thirdly, he's been on a diet for 3 months and for that whole time has prepared his meals and his meals only! Nothing ever for the kids or me! I lost 3 stones a couple of years ago and cooked family meals that were suitable for me to have, too. He just seems to have delegated anything food related to me! I came down this morning and he'd had a slimming world fried breakfast and not even made our son a piece of toast or offered anyone else a thing!

Then there's also the general moodiness, him never doing anything in the house yet leaving mess everywhere. Plus the fact that I am never allowed to be ill or injured! Two days after a post partum haemorrhage I was just expected to get on with doing everything.

Am I being mean at all? I know back pain must be horrible and I don't doubt that but he won't do a thing to help himself. I've tried talking to him but it always gets turned round on me and he says that I'm the one who does all the things that he does, such as being moody, always being ill, never doing anything in the house! I'm so fed up and tonight is the final straw for me.

OP posts:
TheChip · 21/02/2021 22:55

No you're not being mean. He's being a dick.

EKGEMS · 21/02/2021 22:59

Good lord,woman I'd be practicing my 911 call after the cement for the new patio has dried

MaeveDidIt · 21/02/2021 23:02

You're not mean - he's really taking the mickey out of you.

crackingcrackers · 21/02/2021 23:02

You really aren't being horrible. He sounds like a self entitled twit.

MonkeyPuddle · 21/02/2021 23:04

Nope. He sounds like an utter wankstain.

What positives does he bring to your lives?

PregnantGotCovid · 21/02/2021 23:05

He sounds very selfish.

DeeCeeCherry · 21/02/2021 23:08

I really couldn't be bothered with a man like that. Far too tiresome. You really can blight your life by aligning with the wrong partner; which most of us do at some stage but there comes a time to know when you're flogging a dead horse.

You could make your life more peaceful, stress mess & clutter free, and stable by dropping this dead weight of a man.

Monty27 · 21/02/2021 23:08

He sounds like an inconvenience.
How tedious OP.
He needs a mummy.

freeandfierce · 21/02/2021 23:08

As someone who has suffered major back pain for years and had a back op I do everything to prevent a flare up. He's being selfish in the extreme and you sound like an amazing wife and mum. He sounds like my STBXH. Very self centred. You need to communicate exactly how you feel to him and ask why he doesn't consider his family when preparing meals etc.

Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a · 21/02/2021 23:10

He is a selfish man and a shit husband. How can you doubt that?!

Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a · 21/02/2021 23:10

I meant shit father. But husband too

lydia2021 · 21/02/2021 23:17

This will only continue if you let it. Hes a hypochondriac . Quite possibly has back pain, but it seems to flare up at opportune moments. Bet hes ok for a rumble in the bedroom. Look up non tablet exercises for him. Theres one sitting in a chair, kitchen type, spread his feet. Reach down with arms to his feet. Stay in this position for a while

And on his back on floor like a stranded upside down beetle. Bring knees to chest and rock.

These open the vertebra and cause relief. If in doubt check with a chiropractor . Never let it be said, a woman, let's the grass grow under her feet. Be proactive to sort his back out. Good luck

Itstimetoquit · 21/02/2021 23:18

He's taking the piss!

Original poster
Completelyunassertive · 21/02/2021 23:24

Thank for the replies! It's good to know I'm not being a cow!

@lydia2021 oh believe me I've tried and tried and tried to be proactive. It doesn't work and quite frankly I've enough to do without having to baby him into doing a few stretches

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 21/02/2021 23:33

There is absolutely nothing mean about how you feel about his behaviour. Only absolutely justified anger. I’d make his health and the rest of his life his own business, somewhere else.

Forgotmycoat · 21/02/2021 23:35

It would be over for me. He is nothing but a pita. Back pain? He is the pain. The resentment will eat you up.

Put yourself and your dc first, he's a drain on your energy. You can't even say, he's a great dad. What effect will it have on the dc to grow up with such a selfish, negligent father who won't even make them breakfast. Neglect is a form of abuse, so he's abusive to dc.

lydia2021 · 21/02/2021 23:35

Well if you have tried it all and he still keeps company with his poor back, then hes not trying . And has no intention of feeling better and helping you. So you have to ask yourself, what do I get in this. A quality of life is waiting for you. It may be tough, may be hard. But i know I would vote with my feet.
In a sense, its abuse of you, on a daily basis.

NotAgainNoMore · 21/02/2021 23:36

You are not being mean at all! I had an exDH who had a chronic condition which he did nothing to prevent flare ups of. Always had a flare up at 'convenient' times and was awful and controlling to me in general. I had to leave. I used to feel really mean and selfish but at the end of the day, nothing I did made him happy. There was no reasoning with him, everything was my fault. I felt worthless and stayed far longer than I should. Finally leaving him was the best feeling ever.
Has he any redeeming qualities OP? Has lockdown made everything worse?

Candleabra · 21/02/2021 23:39

Sounds horrible. Back pain didn't prevent him making himself a cooked breakfast did it?
It's that sort of unkindness that would kill any love for me. Especially towards the children.

RandomMess · 21/02/2021 23:43

Bet back pain doesn't prevent him wanting sex or doing anything else he wants to do either...

DH had a chronic condition for years and just got on with it as best he could. Sometimes he would have to go to bed very early but never any foul moods!

LightsOff12 · 21/02/2021 23:45

@EKGEMS

Good lord,woman I'd be practicing my 911 call after the cement for the new patio has dried
Omg Grin
Original poster
Completelyunassertive · 21/02/2021 23:45

Oh yes it never prevents him from doing hobbies or meeting friends at the pub (not during lockdowns of course). He never feels ill and in need of early bed if for example there's boxing on late and he wants to watch it on TV

OP posts:
yvanka · 21/02/2021 23:52

WOW I read some unbelievable shit on here but that is something else. He is king of the selfish arseholes.

RandomMess · 21/02/2021 23:59

Sorry but it's his get out of everything card.

You would like be happier not carrying him, far less resentful anyway! Sounds like you are being a single parent already.

Geppili · 22/02/2021 01:05

He's a selfish malingerer. He sounds awful!

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