Would you be fed up about this or am I being horrible?

[Completelyunassertive]

Maybe I just need to vent, I don't know!

I'm sick of DH's behaviour and moods, and in the past year it's got worse and I'm fed up.

Firstly, he's had a bad back for quite a while but won't do anything to help himself, and it always seems to conveniently flare up when it suits him. I then end up paying the price of it flaring up and him being out of action. He's been prescribed painkillers from the Dr (after I had to shoehorn him into calling the Dr) but rarely takes them. Last week despite the back pain he decided to go on a bike ride and of course it massively flared up his back pain and he's been incapacitated all weekend, in a foul mood and doing fuck all! Last year the day before we went on holiday again it flared up and so I had to do all the packing, all the sorting, ferrying pets to the kennels etc and yet he had was still in a foul mood.

Secondly, he's always 'feeling ill'. He'll decide he has a headache or feels sick or whatever and again gets in a mood and just fucks off to bed.

Thirdly, he's been on a diet for 3 months and for that whole time has prepared his meals and his meals only! Nothing ever for the kids or me! I lost 3 stones a couple of years ago and cooked family meals that were suitable for me to have, too. He just seems to have delegated anything food related to me! I came down this morning and he'd had a slimming world fried breakfast and not even made our son a piece of toast or offered anyone else a thing!

Then there's also the general moodiness, him never doing anything in the house yet leaving mess everywhere. Plus the fact that I am never allowed to be ill or injured! Two days after a post partum haemorrhage I was just expected to get on with doing everything.

Am I being mean at all? I know back pain must be horrible and I don't doubt that but he won't do a thing to help himself. I've tried talking to him but it always gets turned round on me and he says that I'm the one who does all the things that he does, such as being moody, always being ill, never doing anything in the house! I'm so fed up and tonight is the final straw for me.

@Completelyunassertive

Oh yes it never prevents him from doing hobbies or meeting friends at the pub (not during lockdowns of course). He never feels ill and in need of early bed if for example there's boxing on late and he wants to watch it on TV

Well there’s your answer to the question about how genuine his backpain is. Real illnesses and disabilities happen at inconvenient times.

Put yourself and the dc first.
Tell dh that if he wants to live like a single man with no responsibilities then he needs to find himself a flat somewhere.

He’s treating you like a housekeeper. And when you call him out he’s deflecting.
He knows exactly what he’s doing.

To be honest, he sounds completely pointless. He does nothing, is no help, no fun, makes more work for you and is a constantly foul mood.

Why bother?

He doesn't sound very involved with your dcs either. Stop doing anything for him. Claim you too have a bad back. Get your and the dcs food and ignore him. Let him do his own ironing, washing etc.

Sorry, but he sounds like a selfish wanker.

Yes, back pain is horrible. But if he can still go out on bike rides with his mates, he doesn't have back pain. It's only an excuse to get out of being a proper Dad and partner.

I have neck pain/arthritis. It doesn't stop me from cleaning/doing the laundry/cooking.

Please tell him and his 'back pain' to sod off.

His is a selfish man. Any one would be fed up in your situation because you're doing all the giving and he is doing all the taking. He is well able to do the things he wants but suddenly his back is bad or he has a headache when you ask him to step up or help out. Along with this he refuses to take any responsibility in regards to his bad back and does things that make it worse.
A few years ago one of my friends was involved with a man like him. He was overweight and so was she. She realised it was time to lose weight for the both of them because they were heading for health issues.
His attitude was so what if this happens.
He broke up with my friend shortly after this and was nasty to her then.
My friend heard he went on to meet another woman and had a child with her.
She also found out that recently that he is now very obese. He has diabetics. His blood pressure is very high and he as ended up in hospital with this.
She realised after he broke up with her that she had a lucky escape because she had enough of putting him and his needs first. She was sick of him complaining about feeling bad, being sick but still making no lifestyle changes. He refused to grow up and take some responsibility for his actions.

At this stage I would be telling him to move out because he is making your life a missery due to his selfishness, lazyness and total lack of consideration for you and his kids. Let him manage on his own and he can see the kids and mind them on a regular basis. You don't want your child or children to grow up and end up becoming like him.

Have you ever called him out on it?

I've had numerous back operations. It seems this is being conflated with other issues which appear unrelated & sound more like character traits than a result of back pain.

“Sorry but it's his get out of everything card.

You would like be happier not carrying him, far less resentful anyway! Sounds like you are being a single parent already.”

This. He sounds incredibly selfish - really he shouldn’t have got married and had children. In your shoes, I would be seriously thinking about leaving him.

@EKGEMS

Good lord,woman I'd be practicing my 911 call after the cement for the new patio has dried

👍🏼🤣🤣🤣🤣

What a burden he is to cart around. Tell him to find himself a flat where he can be in a foul mood on his own.

Get rid. He sounds ridiculous and pathetic. Put yourself first and get rid of this man.

Can't quite get past the fact he made himself a full English breakfast and didn't make the kids anything.

I'd kick him out for that alone.

@Bumblebee1980a
Me neither. What kind of man makes himself, and eats, a full English breakfast, while his kids look on, unfed?

What a repulsive man. I would lose all respect and attraction for him.

Does he smoke weed OP ?

How are you op x

He's behaving as if he doesn't even like you, let alone love you. It's like he's checked out of family life and is just marking time with you. Do you think he could be having an affair?