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Original poster

Every other weekend versus one weekend day each

64 replies

givemesteel · 21/02/2021 17:07

I am separated from my ex husband (his choice =OW) and we are currently trying to work out contact arrangements.

For those of you who decided on EOW (every other weekend) with your ex, what made you come to that decision, and was it what you wanted or was it what your ex wanted?

Or if you don't do EOW what do you do instead and does it work?

My personal opinion is that EOW is best as you can then just plan the entire weekend without worrying about whether your ex is going to mess up your plans (eg by being late or not feeding the kids properly).

The issue with dividing a weekend up is that there is no equal way of dividing the weekend up and someone always gets the better deal.

Ex wants one weekend day a week as he doesn't want to go two weeks without seeing kids. There are no week day visits planned as he works long hours with a long commute, it won't be practical for him to see them (there's no way round it with the job he does).

We are at an stalemate in agreeing this, difficult to move it on.

Thanks for your input!

OP posts:

ravenmum · 13/04/2021 12:06

My bf has his daughter every Wednesday afternoon to Saturday morning, and she also pops in and out if required, or is there longer in the holidays, as her mum lives round the corner. This works well for us in that we get Saturday night (the mum obviously gets Friday night). Seems to work well for the daughter as her dad is a decent, committed parent too. The drawback is that the mum is indeed often late on the Saturday.

PinkSpottyBalloon · 13/04/2021 13:17

For the past few years exP and I have had one day each every weekend. I like the consistency and so do the kids, so it works for us. We both see the kids during the week too though as both work full time, so I guess 50:50 in most ways works for us.

KatyaZamolodchikova · 13/04/2021 13:23

I haven’t RTFT but we have ‘long’ and ‘short’ weekends with DSD. So one weekend we have her Friday night to Sunday night then the next weekend we have her Saturday afternoon/evening to Sunday night. As she got older (and DH passed his driving test) we now have her Wednesday night but just for tea. So we have her every weekend but she gets every other Friday night/Saturday day with her mum & sisters. It works for us, if we want a night out we either do one of our free Fridays or arrange childcare as we would if she was here all the time.

memememe · 13/04/2021 16:08

my kids see their dad on one day of the weekend every week. they dont stay over at the moment. it works well as we have a day each, they also go mid week for dinner.

Sakurami · 13/04/2021 16:23

I think even if you were happy with that, you'll find that your kids get fed up with having their weekend always being shipped back and forth so better to do full weekends.

stoopider · 13/04/2021 20:37

If I was you I’d push for EOW. You’re going to be doing the whole week. You want to build up a life. You want to be able to plan Friday and Saturday nights out plus hangover lie in.

Slimerecipehell · 13/04/2021 23:28

I used to do eow but it was constantly packing bags and as others have said, neither get a weekend to themselves. Also as the children have got older, it’s nice that they have a whole weekend to see their friends and each respective families.
It’s taken a few years but we’re both flexible now, if there are birthdays or special events, we will split the weekend or swap it about a bit. As much as I love my children, when you’re on your own 24/7, it’s nice to have a weekend off every other week. Couldn’t be going with the back and forth of sharing every weekend.

BackforGood · 14/04/2021 00:05

EOW becomes awkward once they start doing activities - swimming lessons of a football team or County orchestra or baby ballet or whatever it is they do (or indeed, either of you, as parents might like to do for yourselves). Always knowing they are with you, or aren't with you on Sunday or on Saturday makes a lot more sense.

SarahBellam's arrangement makes a lot of sense, with a built in agreement you both have 2 or 3 "passes" a year to vary the arrangement for a special occasion, or even a weekend trip to the seaside or wherever.

Serafinaaa · 14/04/2021 08:01

@BackforGood

That's true, but it's also good for the kids to know both parents support them in their activities. My son does an activity on a weekend day and whoever has him that day will take him. That way we both get to see him progress in his sport and we can both support him in it etc.

fortygin · 14/04/2021 08:08

Hi op. Me and exh do one weekend day each. Tbh my ex is controlling and when we first split I was still being controlled by him and agreed to pacify. I think eow works better but we are now at the position where two of our four DC are mid-teens and don't want to stay with him for two nights so it's still one weekend day each. It means on the rare occasion I would like a weekend away, I have to go cap in hand and beg and he usually keeps me hanging till theast minute. He has two youngest MON, WED and the weekend day and my two eldest go on the weekend day only.
It's not easy but the DC come first.
Start as you mean to go on, good luck

CornishGem1975 · 14/04/2021 09:17

That's exactly what happens here with my kids and my SC @Serafinaaa. It's good that both parents get a chance to support them in their activities.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 14/04/2021 09:39

We did, EOW and 2/3 days in the week rotating, with holidays split.

Then I moved further away so that changed to F-M every week.

Now we've bought a house in the same town, so it'll go back 50/50 with maybe a bit more to me, as my ex has a demanding job, with long hrs.

Both parents have a duty of care to just get on with post split, it benefits the children in the long run. I changed my job to accommodate the children and help with flexibility, it works.

NeverEnoughCats · 14/04/2021 15:10

Depends a bit. My ex works on Saturdays, which is something that he can’t change, so he has them every weekend from Saturday after work until Monday morning before school. He doesn’t see them through the week, although he does have one weekday off work - his choice not to see them, not mine. My partner has his children 50:50, and because neither he nor his ex work weekends, we do every other weekend (three nights) plus two nights in the week every week.

For holidays, my partner is a teacher and has his kids every day during the day, except when his ex is actually on holiday or we have our holiday, plus the usual nights (so in terms of actual time more than 50%). My ex takes one week off during the two week spring holidays, one week in the two week October holidays, and one week during the summer holidays. We have to cover the rest. That said, this is supposed to be my ex’s week with our girls, but he decided that he would drop them with me on Monday afternoon, will pick them back up on Thursday, and then drop them back on Sunday, so they can get ready for school on Monday morning...🙄

Honestly though, I just wish I had them all the time and they didn’t have to go through this crap, with him picking them up and dropping them down to suit him and the things he wants to do! I just put up with it though, because it’s important that they see him.

BackforGood · 14/04/2021 20:43

That's true @Serafinaaa, but unfortunately there is a very good reason why many people's ex, are their ex, and both parents happily supporting their partner's choice of activity (place, time, etc) isn't something that happens in a lot of fractured relationships.
Also, not always practical if one has moved some distance away.

The thing is, these things are all so individual to the circumstance of those dc and those parents (and sometimes fitting in with arrangements with other blended families) there will never be a way of doing things that suits all.

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