Different levels of cleanliness

[Misty9]

This might sound a bit ridiculous, but I've been with my partner nearly 9 months, we're both separated with dc etc so have our own homes and no plans to merge, but our standards of cleanliness are so different and it's starting to really have an impact. We have eow together and increasingly I don't want to spend time in his house as it's so unclean. Now, I'm not a clean freak and probably only clean my bathroom etc about once every 2-3 weeks (it doesn't get that dirty with just me 50% of the time) but if something looks dirty then I'll clean it. I don't know if he just doesn't notice it but he also happily wears obviously dirty clothes quite often. If I make jokey comments about it he gets a bit funny so I don't feel I can come out and say anything. And I do not want to get into a dynamic where I clean his house...

He's a lovely kind man and the relationship is otherwise good. Has anyone else had this issue and managed to resolve it?!

Omfg! OP come on.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

He will not change ever. The guy I bought my house from wants to date me - we're the same age and he's a nice guy but I cannot overlook the filthy state he left the house in, and the toilet!!! I had to replace it as it was ingrained. You just know that if you get married or whatever you will be doing all the cleaning and life is too short.

He's either never known a clean house so this it's totally normal, or it's just a sign of how little he really thinks of you :/

Weeks you say?? As in.....how many weeks do you think? Are you sure his house doesn't smell?? Maybe he opens the windows before you arrive.

I recently dated a 52 year old bachelor. His home on the surface looked clean but it was absolutely filthy. I had to wipe down the top of the toilet seat just to put a towel on for when I came out of the shower. Men don't appear to see dirt/filth. And my pet hate - hanging a towel over the top of the door where it's full of dust!! Christ I couldn't wait to get home each time. The cutlery was awful. The sink was festering. The counters probably had not been cleaned since 1952. It was one of the more off-putting factors for me.

Otherwise, he had a gambling habit, so that was the clincher. Constantly glued to his phone for soccer updates. Always distracted.

I'm in the process of separating from someone over this and I've lost nearly everything I've built up in my life. Five years of working long hours then spending hours cleaning up the house and after him. Of coming home from night shift and cleaning for two hours after last nights food and snacks and spills before I can sleep and then getting up after a sleep to start all over again. Of being told I'm always negative, I'm OCD, I'm crazy, I never stop whining.

For the love of God, run.

@Peacocking

I'm in the process of separating from someone over this and I've lost nearly everything I've built up in my life. Five years of working long hours then spending hours cleaning up the house and after him. Of coming home from night shift and cleaning for two hours after last nights food and snacks and spills before I can sleep and then getting up after a sleep to start all over again. Of being told I'm always negative, I'm OCD, I'm crazy, I never stop whining.

For the love of God, run.

hope you're okay.