What do you do when you know you're being gaslighted?

[PandoraIadoreya]

I know my husband does this. He's just done it again. It wasn't even anything major. He told me the boiler man was coming to service the boiler. We have a weird house layout with two boilers and a hot water tank. The boiler he said they'd service is at the end of an upstairs bit. This morning he moved the chair that usually goes next to it. Opened the window by it.
I go upstairs to find them bybthe airing cupboard where the hot water tank is. Everything from the airing cupboard is now on the floor. I would OBVIOUSLY have moved this myself had I known they'd need access.
I said "what are they doing there? It was the boiler they came to do?"
He then exclaimed "No, it's the hot water tank I told you this morning". He then came in to where I was sitting later and reiterated it. I just thought : why not just say "I must have got it wrong it was the tank". But instead he made out like I had misremembered. If so, why had he moved the chair by the boiler and not emptied the airing cupboard?!
He is ALWAYS doing stuff like that over similarly minor things, occasionally on bigger things. I ended up turning my back away from him and pretending to check my email.
What the hell?!

Absolutely an age issue my partner is 17 years older. When we met he pushed the open relationship free spirit vibe which I tolerated for years. So he did as he liked. Now I’m older and doing great career wise and comfortable with said vibe he’s suddenly wanting be settled and couply and whatever I say is now “ trendy nonsense” and I’m gaslighted into thinking that I am creating new relationship rules. His memory is very short??? He acts as if I’ve made our past up. I’m beginning to feel like I was perfect when he had more power in the relationship.

Exactly @billy1966

Where was her mum? On honeymoon with them.

@bacchanalwoman

Absolutely an age issue my partner is 17 years older. When we met he pushed the open relationship free spirit vibe which I tolerated for years. So he did as he liked. Now I’m older and doing great career wise and comfortable with said vibe he’s suddenly wanting be settled and couply and whatever I say is now “ trendy nonsense” and I’m gaslighted into thinking that I am creating new relationship rules. His memory is very short??? He acts as if I’ve made our past up. I’m beginning to feel like I was perfect when he had more power in the relationship.

Please don't waste any more of your one, precious life with such a wanker

@bacchanalwoman

Absolutely an age issue my partner is 17 years older. When we met he pushed the open relationship free spirit vibe which I tolerated for years. So he did as he liked. Now I’m older and doing great career wise and comfortable with said vibe he’s suddenly wanting be settled and couply and whatever I say is now “ trendy nonsense” and I’m gaslighted into thinking that I am creating new relationship rules. His memory is very short??? He acts as if I’ve made our past up. I’m beginning to feel like I was perfect when he had more power in the relationship.

Please, please gift yourself a well earned exit.

You deserve it.

Please don't become a wonderfully coined expression which I have adopted "Nurse with a Purse".

In my late 50's and have witnessed and know quite a few of these relationships.

I am massively suspicious of big age differences because of what I have observed.

Years ago definitely in a vaguely predatory manner but also in the last 20 years with a few friends in my wide circle....

I just believe that SOME men like a much younger partner for ego reasons.

They like being the wise, experienced head, oh so mature.
Total ego.
They love the deferred respect to their experience.

I have seen up close relationships that are not abusive, happy family life, loving husband, very happy children, financially so comfortable, to the outside world...

but what I also know is that the husband is totally deferred to.
The wife has no credit card but has plenty of cash because she is given generous amounts of cash, think 500 always in her wallet, but not allowed a credit card.

These women are controlled but definitely have been conditioned but don't know any different until someone like me looks at them with a 😳😳😳expression because they are not allowed a credit card.