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Original poster

Not acknowledging my birthday

37 replies

whirleywoo · 17/02/2021 22:44

I can't decide if I just need to grow up or if I am legitimately seething.

My DP decided to take a job abroad for 2 months: the time away is extended due to the quarantine when he arrived there and the it will be the same when he returns to the UK in late March.

He does not need to work and has a good income from a business he built up and now needs only light touch involvement from him. However, he was rung out of the blue by an old work colleague at Xmas about the job. He said yes without even talking to me about it.

I'm at home now on my own with my severely disabled child during lockdown and feel very isolated. He is his step-dad so not his biological child for context.

It was my 40th this week and he did nothing to mark the occasion on the day. He had given me a card before he left a few weeks ago and felt that was enough. It's caused me so much upset and he does not seem to understand why. I can't bear to speak to him at the moment because of it.

I'm at the point where I am now wondering if I am blowing it out of proportion? or is he a total dick?

OP posts:
bombastical · 17/02/2021 22:49

He’s a dick. He did nothing for your 40th and fucked off to another country without even talking to you first!! What’s the point of this relationship? Surely you deserve better than this right? I had acquaintances made more effort for my 40th than your partner did! It’s pretty sad really. It doesn’t sound like he cares much about you. What’s the point of being with someone this selfish? You’re not happy!

AramintaLee · 17/02/2021 22:51

I think there's a lot more to unpack here than not acknowledging your birthday...

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/02/2021 22:52

I am legitimately seething for you. What an absolute thoughtless, selfish twat.

What’s he like with occasions normally?

Are you tempted to tell him not to come back? I would be. He’s acting like a single man so he may as well be one.

Original poster
whirleywoo · 17/02/2021 22:55

He's a bit rubbish generally but thought he'd pull something out of the bag with him not being here.

I do just feel like ending it. We have our own places so wouldn't be a massive issue.. He lives with me 90% of the time when here, that started because of lockdown and was working ok but had got used to him being around as had my son.

OP posts:
BrowncoatWaffles · 17/02/2021 22:58

This would be the end for me. Is he unable to organise a bloody delivery of something to just show he cares? It’s not the money, it’s a symptom of something bigger reflected by the fact he just left without discussing it with you in the first place.

You deserve better.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2021 22:58

Never waste your time on someone who can't be bothered to treat you well. End it.

iworkwithonehammer · 17/02/2021 22:59

I'd end it. He sounds completely useless.

Original poster
whirleywoo · 17/02/2021 23:00

He had two weeks with nothing to do in a hotel room during quarantine with WiFi. I guess if he couldn't manage an online order in that time he really does not care at all.

OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 17/02/2021 23:03

I'm sorry @whirleywoo

I'm with all the PP's. You deserve better.

Happy Birthday (retrospectively) & I hope you have some support to care for your DC💐

SparklingLime · 17/02/2021 23:04

I think your last post is right, OP. Without him at least you’d know where you are. Bloody shot of him all round.

SparklingLime · 17/02/2021 23:04
  • SHIT
Charlieandlola · 17/02/2021 23:07

The lack of respect I’m not consulting you before he left essentially on a foreign jolly for months would have done for me . LTB . You deserve better than this .

BillMasen · 17/02/2021 23:10

On this thread the woman forgetting her husbands birthday (and valentines too) was given advice on remembering and told he’s being unreasonable. Wonder if any of those posters will say the same to you

Fwiw I think you’re right to get a bit bothered. He should have remembered and done something.

sunnyzweibrucken · 17/02/2021 23:12

He's a bit rubbish generally

Says it all. I dated a guy like this, it used to bother me when he didn't do anything for special occasions. but over time since he was a "bit rubbish" i stopped expecting anything from him.

your dp has shown you BEFORE your birthday who he is, and your birthday wasn't going to change that.

Original poster
whirleywoo · 17/02/2021 23:20

@sunnyzweibrucken

He's a bit rubbish generally

Says it all. I dated a guy like this, it used to bother me when he didn't do anything for special occasions. but over time since he was a "bit rubbish" i stopped expecting anything from him.

your dp has shown you BEFORE your birthday who he is, and your birthday wasn't going to change that.

A good point, thank you. He had not regard before for sure.

Really helpful to get my thinking straight with it. Reflecting now a lot of my upset is the bigger picture of what it represents.

OP posts:
katy1213 · 17/02/2021 23:33

But he's a single man - it's not his child - he's entitled to seize opportunities without discussing them with you.
He gave you a card; the chances of one posted abroad arriving on the right day are remote.
It does sound as if you're more committed to him than he is to you, but that's not his fault - and you can't expect him to narrow his life because you're isolated by responsibilities that aren't his. It's not really about a birthday present, is it?

SparklingLime · 18/02/2021 00:24

Jesus, @katy1213, are you some sort of surrendered wife? OP’s DP is, by definition, not single. And your expectations are basement-level.

iworkwithonehammer · 18/02/2021 00:30

What 😂😂 he's not a single man.

katy1213 · 18/02/2021 00:38

Why would that make me a surrendered wife? People use DP on here for everything from 'we'e got half a dozen kids and a hamster and he's been promising to promise since 1992' to 'random bloke that I met online but he's left his toothbrush behind twice.'
Both DPs are single! It's no good expecting any more from them than they've signed up for.

katy1213 · 18/02/2021 00:39

Sorry, promising to propose, I mean .

SparklingLime · 18/02/2021 01:07

So only marriage allows any commitment, @katy1213? That’s a new one.

katy1213 · 18/02/2021 01:17

Of course, I'm not saying that. I'm saying we have no information here that the DP considers himself any more than a boyfriend.
I wouldn't be asking permission to work abroad for two months either. Unless you're a parent, with shared responsibilities, why would you?

Thebestposter · 18/02/2021 01:21

You sure he’s alone?

SparklingLime · 18/02/2021 01:46

A boyfriend is not single, @katy1213.

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