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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What to do about bf

43 replies

Summerisneardontfear · 16/02/2021 19:04

I've been seeing my bf on and off for past 14 months
Seriously now since November.
He's very closed off which he admits.
He doesn't compliment me which ive explained several times that I do need that reassurance in a relationship. As simple as 'you look nice today' would be good even.
He doesn't say how he feels about me unless at times when I've really asked him outright.
He doesn't like my Instagram posts but he likes other accounts in common that I can see on my feed, he won't tell his family about me. When I asked why not he said he will when the time is right?
Wth is up with him?
I've said I love him on 2 occasions and didn't get it back.
He says he's scared of being hurt due to a past bad break up.
Feeling a bit meh with it all.

OP posts:
abikeindividual · 16/02/2021 19:06

He's just not that into you. Sorry. Dump him and find someone who is worth your time.

Original poster
Summerisneardontfear · 16/02/2021 20:17

He does seem quite into me though that's the thing, he texts daily, he seems keen to see me etc
I don't get him at all

OP posts:
WhingingGiraffe · 16/02/2021 20:18

Don't waste your time! DUMP him. He sounds awful.

frazzledasarock · 16/02/2021 20:22

@Summerisneardontfear

He does seem quite into me though that's the thing, he texts daily, he seems keen to see me etc I don't get him at all
What kind of response would you like?
NovemberR · 16/02/2021 20:24

I'd move on, personally. I agree with others that he doesn't seem that keen on you. You've twice told him you love him and he hasn't responded. 14 months is long enough to waste on someone who isn't for you.

seensome · 16/02/2021 20:27

It's been on/off he's not sure about you or the future with you. Quite honestly I wouldn't put up with someone like him, don't put up with someone than doesn't love you back.

Unanananana · 16/02/2021 20:27

Doesn't sound into you I'm afraid. Or single.

You are worth way more. Dump and run!

Wanderlusto · 16/02/2021 20:35

14 months and he wont tell his family about you?!
Like how does 'I have a gf' not at least come up in passing within the first 6 months.

You are a deliberate secret now. Maybe because his family know what a dick he is and might 'jokingly' warn you off. Either that or...he has secrets. Or you really mean absolutely nothing to him.

Also, when he couldn't say 'I love you' back by the second time you said it...he is being cruel to you to stay.

He likes you being into him. Thats why he texts every day. When I was young i often made the mistake of thinking a person who was constantly in touch and giving of their time, must really like me. When infact, often it's just that they really want you to like them. And pay them attention. It's all about their ego.

To tell which one it is, you need to look at their other actions.

He keeps you a secret. That's never good news.

IJustWantSomeBees · 16/02/2021 22:07

You deserve better than this, I would dump him. It doesn't matter what excuse he has about being a wounded soul, he is choosing not to fulfill your (very basic) needs and that tells you all you need to know about how he views you.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 16/02/2021 22:16

What reason does he give for keeping you a secret to his friends and family?!

Miffyliffy · 16/02/2021 22:25

Correct. He is not that into you.

He's telling you just enough to keep you hanging on.

I wouldn't call it 'serious' going by what you've said at all. He is absolutely showing you his feelings and interests and they aren't with you.

passtheorange · 16/02/2021 22:33

It's all one-sided isn't it?

He's closed off, he doesn't compliment you, he hasn't told you he loves you, he won't tell his family you even exist.

Sorry OP, but I don't think this is ever going to go anywhere. Not where you want it to be anyway.

SkySmiler · 16/02/2021 23:22

Move on Daffodil it's just not happening

Smallonesaremorejuicy · 17/02/2021 00:06

Are you sure he doesn’t have a wife/ partner? Very strange after all this time not to have told his family about you . Or that he likes others Insta posts but not yours . You seem to be a secret . Give him an ultimatum! He doesn’t sound very nice anyway.

Lovelydiscusfish · 17/02/2021 01:38

I had one like this. Wasted two years of my life on him and trashed my self esteem in the process.

Find someone who compliments you and, in time, freely tells you they love you. You’ll be amazed how much happier you feel.

Onthedunes · 17/02/2021 02:06

Why are you wasting your life on this man.

He is not prepared to lay his cards on the table.
Find someone else who is available and there for you.
There really should not be this much doubt after 14 months.

FossilisedFanny · 17/02/2021 02:10

He might be into you in his own way but it’s not in alignment with what you need from a relationship. You are mismatched so I wouldn’t waste your time with him.

gnashingsalt · 17/02/2021 02:12

sounds like you’re a placeholder til someone better (in his eyes) comes along

VillaMia · 17/02/2021 02:13

He texts you every day, but what does he actually do to show you that he is into you? What do you like about him, value in him?

Honeysuckle21 · 17/02/2021 02:18

@Lovelydiscusfish

I had one like this. Wasted two years of my life on him and trashed my self esteem in the process.

Find someone who compliments you and, in time, freely tells you they love you. You’ll be amazed how much happier you feel.

Good advice.

If you're not getting compliments and the love in return then you need to find someone else that can.

RantyAnty · 17/02/2021 02:33

Dump him.

Deceitful guys like this enjoy the steady sex and what you provide for them. They give out a few crumbs here and there to keep you sweet.

They'll easily waste years, decades of your life, if you allow them.

OnceUponANightmare · 17/02/2021 02:55

OP. This man will not even talk to you about how he feels. The issue is not him acknowledging it or boasting about it in public, who cares? He won't say it TO YOU. Either he is very immature or he does not feel the same as you. Either way, I promise you, you'll be happier when you leave this relationship. And will be glad you did.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/02/2021 02:57

Dump and run. He is a complete waste of your time and you know it. You've already let 14 months go down the drain, how many more are you willing to lose? This relationship is absolutely doomed.

gutful · 17/02/2021 03:02

If he is generally active on social media & makes a point of not interacting with you then he is making an effort to show that he is not “whipped” by you & doesn’t want it shown that he is liking your posts.

Why would that be?

AnotherBoredOne · 17/02/2021 03:16

If it's driving you crazy now imagine life in ten or twenty years???
I think you are too different