What to do about bf

[Summerisneardontfear]

I've been seeing my bf on and off for past 14 months
Seriously now since November.
He's very closed off which he admits.
He doesn't compliment me which ive explained several times that I do need that reassurance in a relationship. As simple as 'you look nice today' would be good even.
He doesn't say how he feels about me unless at times when I've really asked him outright.
He doesn't like my Instagram posts but he likes other accounts in common that I can see on my feed, he won't tell his family about me. When I asked why not he said he will when the time is right?
Wth is up with him?
I've said I love him on 2 occasions and didn't get it back.
He says he's scared of being hurt due to a past bad break up.
Feeling a bit meh with it all.

The things you've listed are such basic expectations in a relationship. Telling his family "when the time is right"? There's not been one right time in 14 months?

Dump him and find someone who's proud to be with you.

Unfortunately,it’s probably best to just move on. It’s hard,but it’s worth it.

Ditch him.

@kittehmoma

You both sound pretty toxic

What an unkind thing to say. The OP doesn't sound toxic at all.

He’s wasting your precious time
Dump him

You're 14 months into the relationship and he hasn't told you he loves you, he doesn't compliment you and he hasn't even told his family about you!!!
I wouldn't waste any more time to be honest. These are supposed to be the fun times! I suspect he'll only get worse unfortunately.

If someone likes you then you'll know, if they don't you'll be confused.

You don't sound toxic at all, you're just too invested to notice the very clear signs that your cyborg boyfriend does not want a serious relationship with you.

You are craving reassurance and interpreting the most basic courtesies as interest. If "he texts me daily and seems keen to meet up" are the best you can come up with after 14 months then he is not treating you right. You've even spelled out for him what you need and he's ignored you.

Saying that he's closed off and scared of being hurt are such cop outs. I assume he's doing nothing to address these issues, and brought them up as a free pass to treat you like shit. They teach that on day 1 at breadcrumbing school.

He might be keen to meet up and spend time in your company, but that doesnt mean much if he's not expressing anything else at all and hiding you from his family.

What do you mean by on/off? Maybe he thinks it's just not all that serious between you two. Though omg I don't think I could stay with someone who I told I loved twice and he didn't say it back

OP, don't you think you deserve more? That's what it comes down to.

We are definitely not toxic 😂
Yes I do think we are probably mis matched.
Lockdown has actually been time to think it all through.
On/off means we were seeing each other for the first part of the year, I ended it, then we did fwb for another few months then because I started dating other people he said he has feelings for me and wants to try this properly.
Taking all the advice on board here.

The thing that most stands out for me is him not telling any of his family unless he is not close to them at all ? But then you haven't met them so you cant really judge on that one you can only go on what he has told you.I went out with someone once for 9 months only ever met his sister once and even though I was friendly and made an effort with her she was really off with me. He finished with me after 9 months and went back to his ex, I'm pretty sure he was seeing her all along.

He's a bit of a dog in the manger - he isn't all in with you, but he doesn't want you finding someone else. So he's given you just enough to keep you dangling.

Instead of twisting yourself up asking what he wants, what he feels - ask yourself if a guy who is emotionally unavailable to you, who is closed off, who doesn't make you feel valued, is really the person you should be expending all this energy on.

Interesting that he only wanted to solidify things once you were fwb and you were seeing other people. Sounds like he doesn't want you to sleep with others, but not much to show he wants to be in a proper relationship and a that that entails.

I agree. He's not that fussed but he just doesn't want you seeing other people because he likes the FWB part. I'd be out.

OP I would keep it simple:

• you’ve identified what you need from a relationship to meet your needs, e.g. emotional availability, mutual compliments and care and being public about the relationship.
• you identified this man isn’t meeting any of those needs after 14 months.

This is who he is.

Decide if you’re willing to accept this feeble excuse for a relationship or move on and find someone who does meet your needs. You cannot change people.

He keeps you around to massage his ego.
He is 14 years old.
He is a member of a religious group who will make him an outcast for seeing you.

One or more of the above is true. My guess is the first.
Don't waste more time and emotional energy on him.

Oh god, women saying 'i think he's scared of being hurt' kills me. Look at his actions, he doesn't give a fuck. It's not going anywhere. Everything you've said is so painful to read, he is keeping you as a placeholder.