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Relationships

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Original poster

A moving in/money one...

36 replies

JengaCupboard · 15/02/2021 13:37

Looking for some advice on the following… I shall try and be concise!! I don’t think there is a hard and fast answer, so interested in your options and experiences…

I am divorced, no children. As the main earner I have kept our house and it is now solely in my name, all settlements with XH finalised, finished. I have a large but manageable mortgage. I have fought to keep my house, and work A LOT to afford it, and maintain a life not living off beans on toast… I have a good management job, so it’s hard work, but makes things work.

My partner and I have been seeing one another since June 2020. Friends before this point (work colleagues actually – no longer work together… nothing dodgy just how events have panned out!!). He’s never been married and also has no children, and had been single for about 2/3 years when we met. We’re both mid 30’s. We have been ‘living’ together in my house since early November lockdown, which has been absolutely fine (great, actually). He still pays rent on his shared flat, and contributes evenly to our food costs.

We have discussed making our arrangement more permanent, i.e. him moving in with me ‘properly’, potentially soon. However I am massively struggling to work out what to ‘charge’ him to live with me. He will have no financial interest in my property, and as such I’m not looking for a 50% overall contribution.

Do I charge him half of all the other bills? Or do I charge him what the going rate would be to house share with one other person in a property similar to mine? Or do I just charge him half of everything? I don’t want to overcharge him, but equally I don’t want to be inadvertently ‘supporting him’ by undercharging either.

He earns reasonable money in a similar management job, but less than me (around £40k), with no other major outlay as far as I’m aware, so it’s not really a case of affordability. Also I’m sure once it’s sorted it’ll be fine, but I kind of feel like I’m going to be his landlady, which feels at odds with an ‘equal partnership’.

Any previous experience would be appreciated…thanks very much!

OP posts:

pumpkinpie01 · 15/02/2021 13:47

I would say definitely half of all bills, and even though he hasn't got a financial interest in your house he still needs to contribute towards the mortgage as he would be paying rent on his rented house and will be saving that amount.

MingeofDeath · 15/02/2021 13:50

Half the bills and a good contribution to the food bill, men eat a lot.

HotRat · 15/02/2021 13:51

He should pay half of bills and a similar around of 'rent' to whatever the local lodger rate would be.

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 15/02/2021 13:53

I’d say half the bills and half the food. Nothing towards the mortgage. You can review in 6 months time.

LividLoving · 15/02/2021 13:56

When my guy moved in I just made a list of all the bills and he paid me a lump sum for half every month. Worked out similar to what he was paying on his flat share before.

I then went on maternity leave and he paid me more to cover my shortfall, cos he’s a good egg.

Woodlandbelle · 15/02/2021 13:59

When dh moved in with me we split the bills and he gave me nothing towards the mortgage. When I look back I should have had something towards the mortgage as he would have saved on rent. As it happens he put on 60grand on a deposit for our forever home so 2 thirds more than me.
I would ask for what he pays for in the shared flat plus half bills.

Weirdfan · 15/02/2021 14:01

Definitely half bills and food, the rent thing is less clear cut for me. If he has no financial interest in your property (which is as it should be) he would have no rights in a break up and you could effectively boot him out anytime you liked. In his shoes I'd want some savings behind me so I wasn't left in the shit if that happened so I'd want to factor enabling him to save that money into whatever arrangement was made.

Original poster

JengaCupboard · 15/02/2021 14:03

@MingeofDeath

Half the bills and a good contribution to the food bill, men eat a lot.

The quantity of food consumed is staggering... !!

Thanks everyone - good to know I wasn't too far off track with my thoughts on it. I need to work out my exact costs, which would be a good exercise anyway really... thanks everyone!

OP posts:

sunnytimes83 · 15/02/2021 14:04

Half of bills and half of food. Council tax, only the extra you need to pay because of losing single person discount.

mootymoo · 15/02/2021 14:04

Half of all bills except mortgage and insurance. If he wants to "help" you it should be treats, holidays etc not house related to ensure he doesn't have an interest in the house.

mootymoo · 15/02/2021 14:07

Ps in our case I pay the council tax and sky bill, he pays everything else including mortgage. (I still own a house elsewhere, once it's sold in a year or so if everything is fine I will pay off the mortgage and go on the deeds)

Original poster

JengaCupboard · 15/02/2021 14:07

@Weirdfan

Exactly this... not very romantic I appreciate but I want this freedom (slightly selfishly)

DP is lovely, sweet guy, and I don't envisage issues (who does eh!) but EXH was an emotionally abusive shit and so I still carry a little insecurity on account of that, and want to guarantee the security of my house at least in the short to intermediate term.

OP posts:

Love51 · 15/02/2021 14:10

Half the bills including council tax, there's no reason to subsidise that, he isn't your child. Including contents insurance, that's separate to the mortgage. Then all the food as you are paying for the roof over his head, and the lions share of holidays.

NettleTea · 15/02/2021 14:14

maybe suggest a savings account to put the rent amount into monthly. This means that should you decide to buy together later he at least has something to contribute, but equally if it doesnt work out he has the money to get out.
plus the treats, yes.
whether he actually saves the rent or not should give you an inkling as to whether he is serious or not too - if he pisses all his income up the wall because he now has more spare cash it should demonstrate that maybe he isnt someone to financially entangle yourself with.
Also if you did buy together in the future, please make sure you ringfence any money that comes from your house

Bluntness100 · 15/02/2021 14:16

Fifty fifty on it all. Don’t be arguing about who eats the most food. He’d be paying rent anyway, so just half the lot. Insurance, sky, Netflix, utilities, council tax, food, cleaning stuff, the lot.

HollowTalk · 15/02/2021 14:19

Why don't you say that he gives you half of his old rent. That means he's getting a bargain and you're getting some money towards the wear and tear.

If he eats so much more than you, then perhaps the food bill should belong to him and you could take something like the council tax in exchange, then split gas/electricity/water/internet between you.

Original poster

JengaCupboard · 15/02/2021 14:21

@Love51

You make a totally valid point with this. However I do earn more, and will likely still have more disposable income, so would you still recommend this? Totally agree with Council Tax though - although I never actually claimed the discount foolishly...

OP posts:

NeedToGetOuttaHere · 15/02/2021 14:26

You could add on a bit for wear and tear of things. So if half of all the bills is £200 or whatever then add on some more. I wouldn’t break it all down but tell him you want x amount. I’d do food separately as you may prefer to take turns to do the big shop or you find one of you eats or drinks a lot more expensive stuff.

bettertimesarecomingnow · 15/02/2021 14:27

Why don't you see what he comes up with? Ask him what he would like to contribute? So you don't feel like a landlady

He may very well say half of bills and then you can work it out together

MissSmiley · 15/02/2021 14:27

Good advice about 50/50 but you need a cohabitation agreement to protect your house, not difficult to set up with a solicitor but it will cost although definitely money well spent

queenatom · 15/02/2021 14:28

When my (now) husband moved into the flat I owned he paid half of the bills and half of the food. Nothing towards the mortgage or as 'rent' and no contributions towards home improvements etc - it was my flat in my name only and I didn't want any suggestion that he had a share in it.

He didn't own anywhere himself so the money he saved by living with me went into savings - the idea was that if we stayed together (which we did) then that money could be used to contribute towards a property which we would buy together, and if things went pear-shaped then he would have funds behind him to move out ASAP!

queenatom · 15/02/2021 14:29

Oh - he also paid for nice extras every now and then like trips away and nice meals out.

Noodlenoodle9 · 15/02/2021 14:34

I’d say half all bills (council tax, food, WiFi, water, gas & electric etc).

I understand the idea behind not charging any rent as it’s your mortgage to pay and he doesn’t have a financial interest in the property BUT he is still living there. He has a roof over his head and all the mod cons that come with it, so I think it’s fair he pays towards some of it. Why don’t you charge half of what he’s paying for his shared house now?

That way he benefits from cheap rent, cheaper than what he was paying to share with (presumably) randoms, but you also benefit from some extra disposable income. I imagine he’d not be able to find anywhere as cheap as you’d be charging him for a nice place to live and you get a small contribution too. It’s a win/win 🤷🏻‍♀️

CupcakesK · 15/02/2021 14:35

I would say half of all bills and food. Then for ‘rent’ I would recommend one of two ways:

he pays half of the interest you pay on your mortgage each month. That way he isn’t paying off your mortgage but still pays towards the cost of the house.
Charge the amount you would charge a lodger, usually up to £400 a month (which includes bills)

mindutopia · 15/02/2021 14:35

Personally, I would expect a contribution to the cost of living there. I would work out what a 'lodger' would pay and then make sure he pays that plus a proportionate to his income amount of all joint bills. Yes, you own your house and you don't want him to have a financial stake in your property, but when dh and I moved in together we were renting. I expected him to share in the costs of our shared living arrangement equitably. You don't have to call it rent. You can call it he pays all of the food and other bills and you pay the mortgage, but I would make sure you are both in similar ish financial positions at the end of the day.

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