A moving in/money one...

[JengaCupboard]

Looking for some advice on the following… I shall try and be concise!! I don’t think there is a hard and fast answer, so interested in your options and experiences…

I am divorced, no children. As the main earner I have kept our house and it is now solely in my name, all settlements with XH finalised, finished. I have a large but manageable mortgage. I have fought to keep my house, and work A LOT to afford it, and maintain a life not living off beans on toast… I have a good management job, so it’s hard work, but makes things work.

My partner and I have been seeing one another since June 2020. Friends before this point (work colleagues actually – no longer work together… nothing dodgy just how events have panned out!!). He’s never been married and also has no children, and had been single for about 2/3 years when we met. We’re both mid 30’s. We have been ‘living’ together in my house since early November lockdown, which has been absolutely fine (great, actually). He still pays rent on his shared flat, and contributes evenly to our food costs.

We have discussed making our arrangement more permanent, i.e. him moving in with me ‘properly’, potentially soon. However I am massively struggling to work out what to ‘charge’ him to live with me. He will have no financial interest in my property, and as such I’m not looking for a 50% overall contribution.

Do I charge him half of all the other bills? Or do I charge him what the going rate would be to house share with one other person in a property similar to mine? Or do I just charge him half of everything? I don’t want to overcharge him, but equally I don’t want to be inadvertently ‘supporting him’ by undercharging either.

He earns reasonable money in a similar management job, but less than me (around £40k), with no other major outlay as far as I’m aware, so it’s not really a case of affordability. Also I’m sure once it’s sorted it’ll be fine, but I kind of feel like I’m going to be his landlady, which feels at odds with an ‘equal partnership’.

Any previous experience would be appreciated…thanks very much!

If I was to do it with my boyfriend I would charge as for lodger (£500 - London) and probably around 25-30% contribution towards bills & food (I have 2 DC so can't be equal). Strictly no his investment in my property.
He would be saving over £1000 per month off his current renting arrangements so I'd say it's a bargain for him anyway.

For me half the food and bills wouldn't be enough. There is additional wear and tear on furnishings/electrical goods etc. Who will pay when the washing machine breaks down? I would be expecting some kind of rent plus bills but as others have said I would put this in a nice round amount that does have some sums behind. I would not include food in this. For food I would be calculating separately as it varies so much and you might be surprised how much he eats!

Those saying he should not contribute to the mortgage, do you mean he should live there rent free?

Half of all bills, utilities, council tax, home insurance, groceries etc.

Nothing towards mortgage.

And the lion's share of holiday costs.

Hopefully he would use the savings he makes on rent to invest elsewhere (perhaps in property) so if things don't work out he hasn't lost the opportunity to own a property. Also if you stay together long term and merge finances a bit more he has a substantial asset to bring to the table too.

You can make a back claim on the council tax.

You earn more and he's moving in, which benefits him financially. There's no reason for you to share your income any more than this.

Thanks all...

I think the saving option is a good call. I think we both realise that by him moving in with me, he isn't getting any nearer owning property in his own right (shared or otherwise) but as i'm nowhere near ready to think about sharing my investment, and he wants us to live together, we haven't discussed it outright.

I can afford my house alone, so any extra money is a bonus that would essentially benefit both of us (more money for me - less rent for him). My mortgage is a large percentage of my monthly costs (probably 70%) due to having to take out a lump of equity for XH. I think I will go down the route of 50% of bills plus a contributory figure that maybe equates to the going rate for a lodger.

He pays 50% of the weekly food shopping but will also go and do top-up shops which he pays for - far more frequently than I do as I work longer hours usually.

We do have disposable cash between us, so I'm not too bothered about penny pinching as such; I think money is never a fun conversation, and knowing him as I do I think he would just agree to what I propose so I want to be confident with my initial suggestion as I don't think there will be much of a debate about it.

@BillMasen

Those saying he should not contribute to the mortgage, do you mean he should live there rent free?

Renters have rights though, notice periods etc. OP I'm assuming that if things didn't work out you would want him gone fairly quick, therefore, I don't really think it's fair to charge "rent" as such when he has no financial interest in the house.

I agree it should be 50% of all other bills but I'd personally say mortgage and home insurance (not contents) should be paid by you

@Lou98 Are you suggesting, then, that he lives rent-free?

OP, you could use his rent to help pay off your mortgage early or put it into long-term investments to help you when you retire, rather than treating it as spendable income now.

I was in very similar situation with my BF when I moved in (except no kids). I didn't think it was particularly fair that I lived in a property with a market rent of £2k per month whilst only contributing £200 to the bills.

Half of everything would have been £900. We ended up deciding that I would pay my half of the bills+ a small amount of rent-£600 pcm all in. We put extra money into joint account for food so that is split 50:50. The difference in what i pay is about equivalent to our difference in income as well. All seems fair to me. I don't pay towards maintenance etc.

I mark the dd payment as rent as I want to make it clear that I am not trying to go for an equity grab. We will buy together in a couple of years.

[quote HollowTalk]@Lou98 Are you suggesting, then, that he lives rent-free?[/quote]
If not getting the rights that renters have then yes.