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Original poster

Ex wife not moving on / COVID

37 replies

Redpanda1988 · 15/02/2021 11:38

I hope that someone might help. My partner and I are pregnant and he is currently in the process of selling his property jointly owned with ex (they pay a shared mortgage).
She left several years ago, taking his children with her rather unceremoniously. It is clear to me and everybody that knew him at the time that he lived with years of emotional and verbal abuse.

She has diagnosed and untreated mental health difficulties. He continues to suffer ongoing harassment and control from afar but has now realised that he needs to move on to have his own life, so has put some clear boundaries i.e. he doesn't let himself get dragged into petty arguments anymore. This hasn't been received well.
He has met all of his requirements (and more) as a father. He has also completely dealt with their divorce, belongings, house sale and all that that entails, alone.
Unfortunately, she has taken umbrage at the fact that I have stayed there for a few nights here and there, mostly to help him with things like painting walls and filling in holes in walls for the sale as well as packing stuff for our new home (which I own). To make clear, this hasn't been an issue (when allowed as per covid-19 guidance) with other friends at other stages of the last few years, including him having a non-paying friend here for a year to keep him company.
We are in a permitted isolation bubble together.
She is now in some kind of bitter rage, has decided she is going to turn up at the house at any time before completion of the sale. She has said that she has things to collect, but the house is entirely packed and there's nothing here. I'm now trapped self-isolating with covid symptoms and she continues to threaten to turn up unannounced. Now pushed, she has identified that she is coming to take back belongings that were agreed to be his in their divorce and in writing since.

Can she enter the house whilst someone is self-isolating there?
We have written agreement from her to specific objects. She has basically said she now wants them back to punish him. Can she turn up and take them from his packed belongings without permission?

OP posts:
litterbird · 15/02/2021 11:45

Does the house have a garage that can be left open so the belongings can be put in there so she doesn't have to enter the premises? Or can you leave them on the front lawn? Can you get them transported to her? She cant enter the space of an isolating person but can collect stuff I assume as long as she lives locally?

Torres10 · 15/02/2021 11:52

It does sound like she may be being difficult, but I would think legally she has the right to access her old home until it is sold, whereas you are legally at least, trespassing?
Apologies if I have misunderstood!

Original poster
Redpanda1988 · 15/02/2021 11:55

@litterbird

Does the house have a garage that can be left open so the belongings can be put in there so she doesn't have to enter the premises? Or can you leave them on the front lawn? Can you get them transported to her? She cant enter the space of an isolating person but can collect stuff I assume as long as she lives locally?
We have offered to rent a van and drive her belongings the 6 hours to her house at our cost once the isolation period ends. She has refused. We have offered to leave anything she wants in a safe place in the back garden (minus the ones she agreed he could have, although we didn't say this) and she has refused.

The issue is that there's nothing here that she owns anymore, it is purely to cause distress and to mark her territory. And I imagine to go through his boxes of possessions and fish out whatever she thinks will be hurtful and try to take.

OP posts:
Original poster
Redpanda1988 · 15/02/2021 11:59

@Torres10

It does sound like she may be being difficult, but I would think legally she has the right to access her old home until it is sold, whereas you are legally at least, trespassing? Apologies if I have misunderstood!
I'm not living there! I've stayed a few nights here and there as a guest to help him with the house move and redecorating for new tenants. I had planned to stay this week as the house needs to be deep cleaned and he has to work full time and has been refused leave (she has caused so much annual leave to be taken in the past he now cannot ask for more) so cannot manage this alone. She would not help him with this. Nor pay for a cleaner. The issue is that we now have covid symptoms so need to self isolate. So I effectively, cannot leave.
OP posts:
PaterPower · 15/02/2021 11:59

Is the divorce finalised? She can’t just “take back” objects that are part of a finalised agreement as that would be theft. They belong to him.

Can this stuff be moved (by your DP) to another location quickly? If not, I think your partner should make it clear to her that he’d treat her taking the objects as theft and that he’ll take the appropriate actions (ie report to the Police).

I’d also get him to reiterate, in writing, that you have Covid symptoms and that you’re currently in a vulnerable category. Therefore, if there’s nothing of hers left there, she’ll have no valid excuse for travelling to the property, particularly if it’s a distance from where she’s relocated to. I think he should highlight the potential (Police) consequences of ignoring the lockdown rules.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/02/2021 11:59

She has a legal right to enter the home until sold, is my understanding, however there's nothing to stop your P changing the locks and "forgetting" to give her the keys (although legally he could be required to do this if she pushed it.)

Do you have your own place still or have you moved in? I'd piss off home if I were you until isolation ends, leave him to sort the drama.

Theunamedcat · 15/02/2021 12:01

Tell her you will report her to the police for a covid breach if she knowingly enters the property while you are self isolating make sure you have signs up in the window stating this

PaterPower · 15/02/2021 12:05

So there are some of her belongings in the house still? I’d be tempted to hire a man with a van to just drive them up to her (whether she “agrees” or not - he can dump them on her lawn!)

Alternatively, what would it cost you to put the stuff in self storage until May? She’s not going to waste a six hour drive if the house is completely empty.

And she moved his DC six frigging hours away from him? She’s a shitshow.

Gamesandpuzzles · 15/02/2021 12:07

If they still jointly own the jouse I think she still has the right of entry. Can you go to your house and take with you anything that is precious to him i.e. things she can take that would cause him pain, so she can't get at them.

I don't know the legal status in this situation, but if the posessions in the house are your partners in writing and she takes them is that not theft?

CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate · 15/02/2021 12:08

If the divorce isn't finalised I can understand her being pissed off that you are effectively in her house and now she cannot get her things.

I don't see why she can't enter if you stay away in a separate room when she arrives.

Goodbye2020Helllo2021 · 15/02/2021 12:10

The issue is that we now have covid symptoms so need to self isolate. So I effectively, cannot leave.

I don’t see how you are trapped! After you go for your test, instead of going back to his house, go home.

rosesarered2021 · 15/02/2021 12:13

Clearly there is still a lot of hurt in one way or another, which is understandable in a divorce.
I doubt she'll turn up and if she does, you don't need to let her in as she is breaking lockdown rules if she lives 6 hours away!

Wishitsnows · 15/02/2021 12:15

She has a legal right to enter a house she owns. I can see why she would be pissed off that someone that has no rights or ownership of the house is telling her she can't enter. You could go into one of the rooms with a door shut if she does come to check on her home. Have you had a positive covid test?

Wishitsnows · 15/02/2021 12:16

Sounds like you are trying to create a drama

Keratinsmooth · 15/02/2021 12:19

Have you got a garage to store the packed up boxes? Just move you yours? She can rock up at an empty house?

Keratinsmooth · 15/02/2021 12:19

Or hire a storage unit?

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 15/02/2021 12:20

Its still her house until sold, you are the one trespassing if she doesn't want you in there.
I'd only be concerned with the law. It isn't your property so I'd just let them get on with it and not interfere until the house is sold and they are divorced.
All divorces take 2 people. There is no divorce where both sides don't have some blame. I'd stay well out of it all until the divorce is finalised otherwise it will just add fuel to the fire.
Personally i'd not date anyone who hasn't been divorced for at least 2 years. Its asking for trouble.

Original poster
Redpanda1988 · 15/02/2021 12:21

@CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate

If the divorce isn't finalised I can understand her being pissed off that you are effectively in her house and now she cannot get her things.

I don't see why she can't enter if you stay away in a separate room when she arrives.

The divorce finalised two years ago She left two years before that. She has her own partner. She has also actively told my partner to find someone for the past three years.
OP posts:
Original poster
Redpanda1988 · 15/02/2021 12:21

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Its still her house until sold, you are the one trespassing if she doesn't want you in there. I'd only be concerned with the law. It isn't your property so I'd just let them get on with it and not interfere until the house is sold and they are divorced. All divorces take 2 people. There is no divorce where both sides don't have some blame. I'd stay well out of it all until the divorce is finalised otherwise it will just add fuel to the fire. Personally i'd not date anyone who hasn't been divorced for at least 2 years. Its asking for trouble.
He has been divorced for 2 years. Separated for 4.
OP posts:
Keratinsmooth · 15/02/2021 12:22

I’m also confused, you said drive her belongings to her, then you say she has nothing there?

HazelWong · 15/02/2021 12:22

I would change the locks and not let her in. She does have a legal right to enter but I doubt she will push it that far so worth the risk, I would say

CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate · 15/02/2021 12:26

Well in that case she'll have to wait.

Onelifeonly · 15/02/2021 12:33

If OP's partner shares the ownership if the house, then surely he can give OP the permission to stay there. She's not trespassing.

Though OP, is there no way you can go back to your own home, without having close contact with anyone else? Drive yourself, walk? Or are you too unwell?

I imagine though that it would break covid guidelines for someone to let themselves in to a house where someone is isolating due to covid symptoms. Talk to police?

Would she really travel 6 hours (with kids??) on the off chance though? And then presumably 6 hours back again. Probably just an empty threat.

Also illegal if the divorce settlement identified the possessions as her Ex's.

Though to be fair, you are unclear whether or not she does still have possessions in the house. If so I think you'd be within your rights to put them somewhere safe outside the house.

Alexandernevermind · 15/02/2021 12:36

I hate this My partner and I are pregnant, I know it's the all inclusive modern way of saying things, but he isn't the one with morning sickness and backache.
The sooner the house is sold the better as she can just turn up and let herself in. If there is a history of harassment or intimidation, then steps can be taken.
If I were you i would encourage my partner to arrange a time and date for her to come over to collect her belongings, whilst i made myself scarce.

mindutopia · 15/02/2021 12:37

I don't know anything about the legality of any of this, but from a purely logical standpoint, it seems like, yes, if she still jointly owns the house (unless he has bought her out?), she can enter the house. Whether she can take anything that has been already divided up in the divorce settlement is something for your partner to take up with his solicitor. I don't think that's anything that you need to be involved in as it technically isn't your house or your belongings. Your partner needs to sort it.

Whether she can enter her house while you are self-isolating in it, she probably can, as it's her house and you are oddly choosing to self-isolate there. But it would mean that she then needs to return home and self-isolate herself for 10 (or however many?) days it is. I don't think it's illegal to come in contact with someone with known COVID as long as you are going about doing essential things, and I would assume visiting her own house which is in the process of being sold probably counts as one of those things.