Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend keeps flirting with my husband

63 replies

Mumof2222 · 15/02/2021 00:59

So, I have this good friend who everyone loves and thinks is very loyal which is why this concerns me so much..

In the 15years me and my husband have been married I have never felt that he has crossed a line with an other woman or ever felt uncomfortable around other women. We have never ever argued about our relationship and are very close.

This one friend I did recently notice that she was being very touchy feely with my husband and it made me feel uncomfortable, i mentioned to my husband who said he hadn't noticed but would keep his distance.

This weekend he had to take our son for a party at her house and i was unable to go as i had to take our daughter elsewhere. He left his phone at home and I had texts from her later in the day asking me to go over for wine after the party, so we headed over..

I got there for her to tell me that she was glad i had turned up as my husband had far too much to drink and i needed to drive!

My husband looked fine, didn't look drunk at all.... said he only had 2 beers and was fine. She then in front of me and others whispered in my husbands ear and giggled and then lent around him whilst rubbing his back to grab her phone.

She then when we got home, texted my husband to say that she hoped she hadn't got him into trouble! She then text him again in the morning about something else.. my husband showed me and didn't reply.

Me and my husband have spoken about it and i told him how much it uspets me and he is making steps to not put himself in that situation again but i just wanted to get your thoughts...

Would you say something to my friend? be worried they are cheating??

OP posts:
BlueThistles · 15/02/2021 01:46

Glad he has Blocked her... if he definitely has...

She's absolutely FISHING 🎣

brownet · 15/02/2021 01:48

I have mentioned to my husband before about her behavior and that she flirts with him prior to this weekend.. she is very 'familiar' with him

So it's not a new thing then.

Does her DH seem to be aware?

SquizzaMama · 15/02/2021 01:54

The length of a friendship sadly means nothing to some people.

One of my neighbours thinks nothing of flirting with every man that breathes in our little avenue. She does have a partner, but because he is more interested in gaming (because quite frankly she is a sad drama llama twat), anyone's husband is apparently game...

Some men are absolutely oblivious...some need reminding that the neighbour is a wanker...beware!

DeeCeeCherry · 15/02/2021 01:56

She's not your friend. Cut the friendship. Tell your husband you're not putting up with her shit anymore. If she tries to confront you, have some choice words ready for her. She doesn't respect you and wants to make you feel unsettled. Thats the main thing - it means the friendship is dead in the water. A real friend wouldn't treat you like that.

Your Husband should back you up - you're a team.

BlueThistles · 15/02/2021 01:57

I'm seriously too old for this .. softly softly bullshit approach.. if she's being overly familiar/touchy feely and texting Husband... I'd go see her and tell her to stop making a dick of herself.. if she's offended who cares... if she's insulted who cares... if she denies it who cares... you get the picture.. and so will she 🌺

Starseed2021 · 15/02/2021 01:58

he said he has blocked her as he doesn't want to be put in that position or me feel awkward
He wasn't the problem......it's your so called friend who is in the wrong.

I'd just start distancing myself from her.....she has no respect for you, is openly flirting in front of you and has managed to do it such a manner that you will look like the 'crazy/insecure' one if you mention any of the particular incidents.

And def stop putting your husband in a room with her!
It sounds like she's used to behaving like this - and knows how to 'get away' with it.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/02/2021 02:00

I'm seriously too old for this .. softly softly bullshit approach..

You and me both @BlueThistles

I would confront her and tell her she's making a tit of herself. If this "friendship" is over, it's for the best anyway. She's a snake in the grass.

SionnachGlic · 15/02/2021 02:13

I'd reply to her texts saying 'DH passed me your text abt X...I'll get back to you when we know our plans' or something along those lines. Make sure she knows tgere are no secrets or cracks in your marriage if she is thinking that way. If you really feel she is trying to get his attention or start something, I'd politely decline invitations.... 2 yrs is a while but not a childhood friend either... or say it straight out if you've a mind to.

bombastical · 15/02/2021 02:31

Cut her off

IsIgnoranceBliss · 15/02/2021 02:55

@yvanka

Well she clearly fancies him, but it's not quite bad enough to call her out on yet.

He's doing the right thing by not replying to her texts, just try to both keep your distance from her.

I’d say it is bad enough to call her out. Or just cut her off. She knows what’s she is doing. She is no friend to you.
picknmix1984 · 15/02/2021 03:09

Stop speaking to your husband and go and speak to her. Your husband hasn't actually done anything wrong so why do you keep asking him? Stop letting her intimidate you. She's not being a good friend. Start by saying that.

Original poster
Mumof2222 · 15/02/2021 03:55

@Aquamarine1029

I'm seriously too old for this .. softly softly bullshit approach..

You and me both @BlueThistles

I would confront her and tell her she's making a tit of herself. If this "friendship" is over, it's for the best anyway. She's a snake in the grass.

Oh see I'm not very good and confrontation and we live in a super small village so it's pretty awkward to have a full blown argument and also I think it could then be used against me like I'm crazy!
OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof2222 · 15/02/2021 03:56

@brownet

I have mentioned to my husband before about her behavior and that she flirts with him prior to this weekend.. she is very 'familiar' with him

So it's not a new thing then.

Does her DH seem to be aware?

Nope and he was saying what a good friend she was to me not long ago!

It's only as I have pointed stuff out.. mainly the messaging stuff she could message me he has noticed that it's not right

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof2222 · 15/02/2021 04:01

@brownet

has she always messaged him? Did he used to respond?
No normally me, up until recently!

A couple of weeks ago I asked to borrow a trailer and she didn't reply to me... So I text her off my husbands phone and she replied straight away! When we picked the trailer up I confronted her about it in a jokey way ... And she just said she just happened to pick her phone up as my husbands text can through

OP posts:
Fromthegekko · 15/02/2021 04:03

That’s not what a friend does. I’m single and apart from 2 other single friends, my friends and acquaintances are all married. I can’t for one minute imagine flirting with any of their DHs. It’s a shit thing to do. This ‘friend can’t be trusted. Sad but true.

Original poster
Mumof2222 · 15/02/2021 04:05

@Fromthegekko

That’s not what a friend does. I’m single and apart from 2 other single friends, my friends and acquaintances are all married. I can’t for one minute imagine flirting with any of their DHs. It’s a shit thing to do. This ‘friend can’t be trusted. Sad but true.
Thanks ... It's good to know I'm not insane or irrational!

I said to my husband if she was a generally flirty person and was like it with everyone.. it doesn't make it right but it's a character trait and you can justify that. However, irs just with my husband... And she seems to be pushing boundaries more and more

OP posts:
Eviethyme · 15/02/2021 04:20

Totally missing point of thread but I am so jealous that you get to live in NZ.

Original poster
Mumof2222 · 15/02/2021 04:23

@Eviethyme

Totally missing point of thread but I am so jealous that you get to live in NZ.
Oh thanks :) we emigrated 2 years ago so was pretty good timing ... Thinking of doing a youtube on how we did it in a budget :)
OP posts:
jammydoggers1922 · 15/02/2021 04:44

I would 100 percent be saying something too her . She's not your friend . Desperate sod as she is

brownet · 15/02/2021 05:36

I see the OPs predicament in that they are recent immigrants & this neighbour is popular so OP probably doesn't want to upset the group dynamics.

Does blocking mean messages still come through?

I would just get DH to ignore, ignore every message, at any events he needs to avoid her etc.

If that still doesn't work & she's still texting I would just bring it up casually over a coffee & very much frame it from a nonchalant point of view & as a pp said make clear you don't have secrets. For example you could say something like oh DH is useless at replying, normally he asks me to do it but we have both been so busy recently, you could then take out his phone & maybe scroll through the messages & be like Oh I didn't realise you sent another 10 & I haven't replied yet, honestly it would be much quicker if you just message my phone in the first place.

If she still continues to text I would set up a group/neighbour whatsapp chat & if she messages your DH he fwds it on you the group chat & you reply.

brownet · 15/02/2021 05:49

I don't necessarily see flirting as a bad thing, DH & i got together as 18 yr olds so our friendship groups are pretty tight & we banter a lot. As you say some people are flirty with everyone. It's the fact she's just focused on your DH & even more so the private texting.
I've shared beds with DHs friends, seen some naked (yuck bringing up bad memories 😆) so little boundaries however we always communicate via group whatsapp. The only time private messaging is used is if someone wants help with a present idea or surprise.

YoniAndGuy · 15/02/2021 09:38

Two years is the key. You're really only getting to properly know her now. She's a snake. She ISN'T a friend.

With your H on side, you should be able to manage it perfectly well without falling out - and put her in her place with a smile.

It's good that he's blocked her.

He NEVER goes there again without you - doesn't see her without you there.

Strict instructions to ignore. He speaks to the H when you're together.

She'll try and engineer things - make sure you outmanoeuvre her. 'Hi Lulu, I've brought the lawnmower over instead - DH asked if I would take it, don't know why - he's so lazy! Don't go thinking he doesn't want to see you now haha! Oh by the way that was me replying on his phone earlier. Yes I know. So tired of him handing it straight over to me when he sees it's you texting - honestly it's like it's my job to talk to our friends - bloody men eh?' BIG SMILE.

She will get the message and back off.

SaltyTootsieToes · 15/02/2021 10:23

I get that you live in a small village and having a problem with a popular person when you’re new is or could be difficult

But you and your DH can manage this without falling out with her.

If all arrangements regarding the D.C. are fine CIA yourself directly with her. SH does not do drop off/pick up from her house.

DH blocks her on FB and by mobile. So anything regarding the DC. has to go through you. If the “friend” queries this, just tell her his phone is t working but all arrangements re DC. go through you so his can you help her?

Don’t borrow anything from her or socialise directly with her other than the D.C. so then it’s limited interaction. She’s not your friend so I’m sure you’ll not be wanting to plan outings with her or inviting her over. If you get invited to her house, decline the invitations. Just don’t give her the opportunity to be alone with your DH so then there’s no need for a direct talking out that could impact you fitting into the village setting.

I’d also be restricting what she sees on your own FB page so she doesn’t see posts made concerning your DH. If she can’t see the posts, she can’t comment. Won’t know a thing about them.

2021isgoingtobeasshitas2020 · 16/02/2021 22:01

Why aren't you following lockdown rules?
Is she in your bubble? I didn't think you were able to go to other people's houses. Regardless of it being a party. I would have personally reported her. She doesn't sound like a loyal friend to me.

Hotcuppatea · 16/02/2021 22:11

I was 100% wondering when someone was going to pop on here and be all Hmm about lockdown rules Grin

Has it occurred to you @2021isgoingtobeasshitas2020 that the OP might not be in the UK. In fact, judging by the time she's posting, she might not even be in the Northern hemisphere?

Swipe left for the next trending thread