'Interracial' relationship... not sure about the looks

[Firelightfireflight]

Been in a relationship for a few months now with a black man, I'm white woman. Obviously due to lockdown we are not out and about together a lot. We live in an semi rural area in South West where there is very low BME. This is first time dated a black man and I've noticed more and more the looks we seem to get when we are out.... some are totally unreadable... some I dread to think... but just not sure why people need to stare.
Anyone else had this, and words of advice?

I'm a white woman who has dated black men and I have noticed this a few times. My opinion on it is let them stare. You aren't doing anything wrong. If he makes you happy and treats you the way you deserve to be treated it has nothing to do with them.
I do live in an area where it is more common to see an interracial couple. I wish we lived in a world where more people were happy and couldn't care what others were doing if it made them happy

If they are unreadable maybe they are just looking to say hello? I’ve noticed people say hello a lot more when our and about.

Look them in the eye and smile. Most times prove freak out and mumble / look away. You're being polite so they can't be rude to you. Or, if you're feeling cheeky ask 'are you okay?' as if you thought they want to say something to you or ask you directions. Always works a treat. Don't worry, eventually you'll just ignore the stares until they fade into the background or you get married and have kids whereupon you'll have no time to notice stares..... Unless you take them out with their friends or cousins and the stares start again for your gigantic mixed race multiethnic brood 😂😂😂

I’m white and used to knock about with a lad of a different (non-white, to be vague) ethnicity. The ‘looks’ we’d get were most often from men from his ethnic background. This was in London.

Since you can’t read people’s minds, I’d say don’t meet trouble half way.

Maybe they stare because he's good-looking and stands out, as not many BME in that place?

White woman married to an Asian (Indian) guy.

The only time we’ve had noticeable stares is in DH’s hometown where there’s a large community of other British Indians, it’s seen as forbidden generally to date White people so we get a lot of funny looks. Of course this is separate to the racist comments and the looks DH gets on his own for being brown and wearing a turban.

Can’t say it bothers me.

Your DP will be well versed in dealing with and noticing this stuff, have you ever asked him about it? Whether it bothers him, how he deals with it?

It’s just kinda an open topic of conversation for us. For example certain places if we go into a pub we’ve never been in before we have a code when looking for a table that if DH squeezes my hand we walk straight back out as he can obviously sense from the place and clientele whether we’re going to get any bother or whether he feels comfortable. He won’t go to the seaside for days out as it’s just not worth the hassle for him.

I'm white and used to be in a relationship with a Chinese man. We'd get a lot looks, even in London, and especially by old chinese women! Nobody ever said anything so I just ignored it.

Black woman with a white partner here and I’ve noticed the same looks. I don’t know what they’re thinking so I ignore but it’s something I’ve noticed whenever I’ve been in an interracial relationship

A lot of people are still uncomfortable with interacial relationships (even if they don't like to admit it to themselves), especially if it involves a black person due to conscious or subconscious racism. If I were you, if they stare, I would look them directly in the eye and calmly stare right back at them until they look away. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Why should they be staring as if you're zoo animals?

As a black person, I've had a lot of people stare at me when I'm in places in the UK where there are lower numbers of black people or even in workplaces where black people are almost non existent in the organisation. That's even without being in an interracial relationship! It's annoying and rude and makes you feel like some sort of alien. I'm afraid you're getting a taster of what a lot of black people can experience even in their own countries. This is why it makes me so angry when some people pretend black people are treated the same as any other people in UK and therefore things like systematic racism or treating people differently due to being black are imagined or exaggerated. They literally have no idea what it's like. You just want to go about your daily business but it's like living in a parallel universe to white people sometimes.

OP, I agree with the suggestion above of just looking back at people and smiling or asking them if they're OK. They're clearly not ok if they think staring at another human being is normal so good idea to get them to check their behaviour

Why assume it’s negative? Unless they are saying nasty stuff then it’s not worth getting upset about

I used to date a black guy and when we first kissed it was at a bus stop and someone who stared at us said 'no, no, no!'.

It's terrible that these attitudes are still around.

I'm white.

Might just be no to kissing? PDA isn’t something anyone wants to see tbh

I think there is almost certainly an element of racism, either conscious or unconscious. It’s sad that in the 21st century racist attitudes still exist.

I'm White, my husband of ten years Indian. We have had stares, comments. All sorts. I actually pity these people. I am blissfully happy with the man of my dreams. My beautiful son is mixed race and so happy and healthy. Don't worry. Pity these staring types.

I'm white with Indian husband. I don't notice looks as much as he does. I think it's cos I kinda avoid eye contact with strangers. He will look back if he thinks someone's staring.

I got a bubba on the way so more experiences to come I'm sure. We're happy and not much bothers us.

I’m mixed race with Bangladeshi heritage. When I used to live near london and go out with my white boyfriend, the only looks we’d get were from Indian men.

Now I’m older and live in very white north wales, I am much more white passing but more vocal about my heritage. Our son has been called ‘the mixed race boy’ and people routinely mix me up with the (very different looking) only other mixed race mother in the village.

I've been with my partner for over 10 years and we have a son. He's black, I'm white.

You just get used to it. People are very confused sometimes about how they feel. I always get asked if I'm my son's nanny

You either ride it out and do nothing. Smile at them. Or say something. I usually just smile of ignore. I can't be bothered to try and figure out how my relationship makes them feel. I don't care.

If I've ever been guilty of looking at somebody rather than through them, I've been thinking 'he's gorgeous/she's really pretty/I love that top/that couple look really happy to be with one another'.

But most of the time, I haven't even seen them; I've been focusing on something behind (like Kestrels or Buzzards in the distance, Primroses coming into flower, the river or the moorland where I'd far rather be than in the town centre) and my eyesight takes a while to catch up with the person who thinks I've been looking at them.

Yeah, I've had this too. There is a difference between the "ooh, what a nice looking couple" stares and the Stares. You know what I mean.

Best thing to do is just pity those people and move on. Look back and smile, ask "can I help you?" or just ignore have all worked for me, it just depends on the situation. Unfortunately change takes time.

I'm a white man who dated an Indian woman. The worst looks we got were from other Indian people. I found it very funny. I didn't give a s... what other people thought and neither should you.

Naturally, you'll think the worst, that people staring are judging

Im mixed black and white and sometimes interracial couples catch my eye especially if their a less common mix and I think it's sweet

Bit of course, it is hard for you to tell what a straight face stranger is thinking.

Im mixed black and white and sometimes interracial couples catch my eye especially if their a less common mix and I think it's sweet

I am the same mixed race, and I have looked at interracial couples. I was looking at a Chinese woman once with a black man just because it’s quite uncommon to see. No negative thoughts at all, I’m mixed myself! That’s why I say people shouldn’t assume it’s always negative.

My husband and I experienced this when we started dating, but that was back in 1990. At that point, I was literally the only black person present whenever we went out in his home town. Now you can’t move for mixed race couples and black people. You just need to ride it out - don’t worry about what other people are thinking.