The loneliest place is an unhappy marriage.

[Foward]

I have been lonely for years.

@aweegc

Hear you OP. I'm married to someone with v little empathy. He masked it well. Then I didn't believe what I was seeing/hearing when he mask started to come off and believed it was because if I'd done something wrong. It's been years I've been waiting for a divorce. It's not always so simple as "Just contact organisations and you can leave". Sadly. My marriage has ruined my life. Altered who I am to such an extent I'm not sure I will ever be able to have an intimate relationship again - which isn't a huge issue because I can't imagine ever wanting one either!

Loneliness

• There's lonely because you're alone and would like to be around others, but aren't.

• There's also lonely when you're in a big group but have no close friends and everybody else seems to.

• There's lonely when you're single and everybody else is partnered up and you wish you were too.

In all of those occasions, you still exist to the people around you, your humanity remains intact, even though you feel like SHIT.

• Then there's lovely when everybody thinks you're with a great partner, but when you're alone you don't exist. In order to ignore someone, you actually have to acknowledge they exist. It's not about being ignored. It's about basically not even featuring. You're a service human. You can be talking and the person just walks out the room like you've not said anything. Or they just start talking over you about something unrelated, like the sounds coming out your mouth weren't and your moving mouth hadn't been. No hugs, no "how are you" or "how was your day" - or if there is, the only answer possible is "fine". No kindness, because you're not actually a person, you're like a robot there to fulfil their needs, whatever they are in that moment. Meanwhile, everybody tells you you're lucky to have such a great DP.

That type of loneliness turns you into a shell.

DH does that, just walks out while I'm still talking. I feel like that's how he sees me, just there to forefill his needs. He makes me feel worthless.

Good luck op

Hi just want to give you some positivity for the future, I was in your situation and terrified of being alone and a single mother , yet when we actually split I have found so much joy and life being on my own with my dc! Every time I feel a bit lonely I think of the horrible "lonely" times being with him when he treated me so awfully and made a lot of my life hell , and I am forever grateful! Your almost there now that you've started planning your exit , stay strong and look forward to all the fun your going to have in your nee life soon !